Monday, May 16, 2016

Bill Simmons is Coming

I can't really remember a time I didn't read the Sports Guy, back when it was a 90000-word article twice a week mixing sports with Beverly Hills 90210. I've somewhat tired of him over the years but not really, tho he does seem to have his enemies out there including this guy for busting his chops.
I will now opine on each of the statements pointed out by Deadspin:
I believe that Kanye’s a genius. It’s just that he knows it, and that’s the problem. I don't wanna be the old white guy shaking his fist at kids to get the hell off of his lawn and that all music today sucks, but all I know about Kanye is he seems to be very much in love with Kanye.  Which doesn't really make him any different from many other successful musician, really. I haven't heard a lick of his music and have no desire to, but I do enjoy it when once a month he sticks his neck out to make himself look as stupid as possible, which I'm always for, no matter who the celebrity.
I believe we should ban the DH, long putters, extra points, the NIT, and pick-off throws. Don’t really care about any of these except the DH, which fuckers just need to give up on getting rid of. I know saying you want it abolished makes you more of a baseball purist than me and therein a better person, but knock it he fuck off already. Instead, they should be fighting to make sure that in meaningless fucking inter-league games throughout the season pitchers don’t have to step into the box - I’m having memories of the Yankees’ Chen Ming-weng’s career being ruined running the bases in an inter-league game IN FUCKING JUNE. I am curious about his aversion to pickoff throws; I’ve never heard anyone say this. Would he prefer runners be able to wander 20 feet off the base? Wtf?
You really wanna know what I believe? I guess so, I'm fucking blogging about it aren't I?
I believe in the four-point line. Yes, because how long would it be before these go from desperate chucking at the end of quarters to James Harden playing a game of HORSE from midcourt and beyond? Yes, that’s what I wanna see, 45-foot heaves in the middle of games.
I believe soup is the perfect food. Soup is not the perfect food. Soup is not even food - soup is what you eat while waiting for the food to come to the table. This is fucking idiotic.
I believe in a Belichick-Popovich presidential ticket. This I’m all for. Why not, at least they’d be entertaining; Belichick’s 4-minute State of the Union addresses during which he merely stares down Congress and then calls them idiots is well worth whatever happens.
I believe every DiCaprio movie would be just a little better as a Matt Damon movie. This is beyond idiotic. I know Simmons is drinking the clam chowdah here but come the fuck on already.
I believe the 2004 ALCS was an act of God. A god who hates everything that is right in this world, maybe.
I believe that billionaires should pay for their own fucking football stadiums. Now this one I agree with 100%. Not sure how after decades and decades we keep falling for this shit. The ol’ “socialize the risk/privatize the reward.” We pay taxes that owner uses to build stadium, owner keeps 100% of profit for himself while doing everything he can to get out of paying taxes back to the city, then pitches a fit every few years about moving to another city so we throw more money at him. Yada yada yada, endless cycle. But we fall for it every time - “ooooh, it will create 60 jobs!!!” The trickle-down economics joke of sports.
I’m looking forward to watching Simmons’ show because hey, you gotta watch something and hopefully his shit will be as interesting to watch as it used to be to read back in the day.

No comments: