Years ago, I quit the band. It wasn't easy, but I wanted to be a dad and I couldn't see how to get both right.
The dad thing was worth it. I have no regrets. But everything else went haywire. I gave up a huge part of my identity when I left Marah, when I walked away from my brother and the dream we had built from the ground up with every ounce of blood/guts/sweat we had in us. My life suffered. I see that now. I wasn't happy about anything except my kids. But kids can't replace every part of an artist's soul. Certain people, people like me, I don't know...we require more, I guess.
Evidently, I filled up the gaps with IPAs and carbs. Sadness and restlessness are strange things. They will eat you alive if you let them. And too often, we let them. We just do.
In the fall of 2011, I went back with my brother and Christine and Mark and Marty to Spain for a tour. It was a one-off thing, a bunch of dates that would reunite Dave and I for a short time only. The tour was fantastic and a shambles. We played epic shows. And we gave birth to wild drama.
I came home thinking that was it. I would never play rock/roll again.
Every time I start thinking one thing, I end up being blown in some other direction. So it goes.
We'll be back in Spain again this fall and I'm looking forward to that so much. I love that land; I love the people; I love the fact that I never dreamed I'd be going back there again to play music. But I am. And I'm a totally different man than I've ever been. We all are. As a band and as people, we've grown so much. But that shit never stops. So we've got a lot to prove.
Anyway. Here's an extended clip from a documentary that's been in production since that last tour ended almost five years ago. I really love this. It's a snapshot of a band in transit. The final film will be a thing of beauty if you're at all interested in Marah.
Or if you're simply interested in watching how much life can push you one way only to pull you back where you truly belong, no matter how hard you try to run.
Plus, divorce, baby. I'm about 60 pounds lighter now than I was when I was married. Not sure what that says. But it must say something, that's for damn sure.