Portrait of the Artist as a Pizza Eater

1. Pat myself on the back for deciding to not eat the crusts with each piece.

2. Proclaim “Feeling light as a feather!” with each crust tossed on separate plate.

3. Finish pizza. Make witty remark as waiter whisks pizza pan away.
 
4. “I’ll just gnaw on this little crust while waiting for the check.”
 
5. Inhale the rest of the crusts.
 
6. Spend rest of the night whining to everyone how disgusting I feel.

The End