Thursday, December 27, 2012

Chick Lit

HERE"S A LIST of The 10 Most Powerful Female Book Characters. I really don't know why they left off Ma Joad; bitch kept a full family fed with piano wire and skillet grease while riding a tuna can across the goddam country. Oh well. A woman's work is never enough, I suppose.
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I could sense everyone was starting to get annoyed at Chuck’s barking and wanted to give me dirty looks, but this was one of those times when it actually paid to be a manny.  A mother would be expected to nonchalantly juggle four kids on her lap while knitting winter caps and handing out juice boxes, and if one of those kids so much as let out a peep everyone would get bitchy and roll their eyes, thinking “control your damn kids!”
But a man with a baby, hell, everyone was mildly surprised I’d been able to put pants on the kid before bringing him outside the house, much took him anywhere on the train.  I’d put on my harangued, beleaguered “oh my god I’m so helpless” face, and everyone gave me a pass.
“Poor bastard,” they thought, “look at him, doing his best.  God bless him.  And where the hell is the mother?
I perfected my “woe is me” act the same way other guys practiced their air guitar moves: in front of the bathroom mirror.  When it came to putting on this little show, I was, simply put, the best.

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