Beatles Idol

Flipping through the tv tonight I notice that American Idol is doing all Beatles songs tonight. ""But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "didn't you blog about this very thing almost exactly 5 years ago, March of 2008?"

Why, YES I did, faithful readers!  And here are those golden nuggets of dynamo, from back when I was awesome!!!!

ENJOY!
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AMANDA:
Back in the USSR
Grade: 4

not really good. kinda rote what we've come to expect from her. she was exciting, which is good, but the singing was just okay. weak/messy even in some parts. becoming a one-trick pony.

KRISTY LEE:
You've Got to Hide Your Love Away
Grade: 6

Britney beginning? Wtf? Surprisingly digging the verses. Choruses blow. Looks like a second chin is creeping in, stay away from the Swedish Fish between shows baby. Was okay, shoulda opened up more.

DAVID A.:
The Long and Winding Road
Grade: n/a

Fucking christ. He aint started yet, but know I wouldn't pay a nickel to have McCartney play this steaming pile in my bedroom. I refuse to comment on this. I'm really starting to hate this fucking kid. Should be beaten with Heather's fake leg.

MICHAEL:
A Day in the Life
Grade: 4

Does he have cum in his hair? Speaking of which, just blew the high note. A tough song to do in 90 seconds. Hmm. If only the Beatles had another song or two he could choose from. Not doing it for me. Singings okay, but blah. Looks to be finishing strong. Oh sorry, already mentioned his hair. Whoops. Was wrong, shitty ending.

BROOKE:
Here Comes the Sun
Grade: 4

HUSBAND?? wtf. Was falling for her. Will not help her grade with me. She sounds like Jimmy Buffet here. Her dress looks like a melting candle. Christ. Boring me to sleep. Oh, GREAT note at the end. Ugh.

DAVID C.:
Day Tripper
Grade: n/a

Whitesnake? Piss break.

CARLY:
Blackbird
Grade: -3

Lemme guess. This will be a slow lament. Bracing myself. Not a good start. Is that icing she's wearing? Ruffles on top look like the top of a cake. If she popped out of a cake naked right now she may save this. Otherwise, crappy. Toothpicks keeping my eyelids open. Next!

JASON:Michelle
Grade: 4+

Another shitty song choice. What the fuck? So now we have the guy I've always thought looked like Kermit the Frog singing in French. Am I in the middle of a fucking movie? Not terrible so far but who cares. Bonus for having the biggest eyelashes in the world (implants?) Falling asleep.

SYESHA:
Yesterday
Grade: 2+

Oh gee, "Yesterday." What a shocker. This is the worst night I can remember. And who held the meeting that said "you know what guys lots of Beatles songs are amazing, but let's make sure to pick the ones that are dull to begin with and then suck any life and spirit out of them as well. Maybe later on we can have Pixar replace your images with slabs of wood. Good luck!" Fucking christ. Back to Syesha. Rack's looking good at least. Even Seacrest took a peep, which is like a vegetarian sniffin a porterhouse. Is she even singing? Is anyone in the band under the age of 60? This is terrible. Tho nice to see Charles S. Dutton can play guitar. Next!

CHIKEZIE:
I've Just Seen a Face
Grade: 7

Interesting song choice. An Xmas slice. Rooting for him. Interesting take on the melody. And by that I mean I am bored to tears and drawing kittens on my nuts with a Sharpie to stay awake. Oh gee, he's doing the ol slow start/pick it up thing like last week. Simon will pounce on this. Maybe that's how Chikezie handles his lovemaking in the boot-oire, but camon. Still, best of the night so far. By far. Fuck it, giving him a 7 even tho he was as the woofman sez pitchy. At least he's not dull.

RAMIELE:
I Should Have Known Better
Grade: 0

Is she a midget? Oooh, superslice. Let's see if she keeps this one up-tempo for once. She...looks like a stripper. A foot-tall stripper with a stupid hat to put my gin & tonic on. Hmm. Me nosso hoooooorny. Thankfully, apparently her mic is turned off too. Awful. I think the band has even given this one up. Drummer just texted Randy "In & Out Burger in 5?" A shit ender on a shitty night. Goodbye Ramiele.