Can We Have Our French Fries Back Now Please?

Republicans are suddenly France's biggest fans because, you guessed it, it makes Obama look bad:

“French” and “France” became a catchall foil for the Bush administration to posture against. Where France was wussy, Bush was strong. Where France and the Democrats were cheese-eating surrender monkeys, Bush and the Republicans were big swingin’ dicks. Then-Sen. John Kerry was a Democratic presidential nominee who happened to speak French, and that was more than enough for the Republican party to work with. Remember when John Kerry “looked French”?

Until recently France stood in for everything that America, at least in the conservatives’ eyes, was not: socialist, pacifist, over-regulated, and homosexual.

But given events in the past week, new descriptors for France have suddenly appeared in the Republicans’ playbook. Where once France was a total vacuum of values, a dystopian image of American life under the fist of moderate Democrat John Kerry, it is now “our oldest and first ally.” 

In their defense, if you'll recall, which I know you won't, it took Dubyanuts to finally make me like France (well, and a later addiction to Les Miserables):

People who read this on a regular basis may think I bash on the Bush Administration too much. Others may spend a lot of time wondering how large my dick is. Either way, when credit is due I give it up, and there is one thing that I have to stand up and give Bush and his pals credit for:

My Liking the French.

Hey, this is surprising even to me. NObody hated the French more than me - I hated them back before it was "alternative"! I thought being born on Bastille Day of all days was the cruelest of jokes, I thought it meant I was, literally, born to hate the French.

But then along came Bush & Co. And the snide "we're better than the French cause we don't read books" stuff, and the over-reaching "surrender monkey" jokes et al. On and on and on. And I'm not even counting Freedom Fries. Years now of having the world laugh at us for being Jethro fucking Clampett. It's funny to me how we scoff at the French for being such surrender monkey fairies, and yet it's US who have let ourselves be ruled by fear and terror even though we are 1) thousands of miles from the Middle East and 2) HAVE OCEANS ON TWO SIDES!!! Yeah, maybe they are busy sitting around eating cheese and drinking wine, but doesn't that sound a whole hell of a lot better than the last coupla years over here? I can't afford wine or cheese cause the defense budget is $800 zillion dollars, and how can I enjoy it anyway knowing that since I'm "free" and love Jesus there are millions of people desperately swarming in to kill me? Oh yeah, and if you need to go to the doctor in France you don't hafta be a Congressman, or play in the NBA.

And so, rather unbelievably, this president's macho bullshitting and "I'm a beer-drinking idiot American!" sloganeering has driven me to like the French. He did have some help, of course. Falling in love with Gordon Ramsay opened the door to me even DREAMING of liking anything European. If I can wanna hang out with a dude from London, floodgates open. Also Ratatouille, of course. And finding out I like Monet a lot. And knowing that I'd rather lead a full life than be an "ASS KICKIN" COUNTRY!" that keeps me in Chinese handcuffs without the very freedoms I pretend to be fighting for. And knowing I don't have to prove my manliness to the whole world cause I was once a cheerleader. Did I mention Ratatouille?

Again, George, credit where credit is due. You did it, good buddy!!! :)

Bill Maher agrees!