Toast!

If I've watched my television correctly, and I believe I have, people in British sitcoms eat toast a lot. Which is weird, because I fucking love toast. - XMASTIME

I spend a lot of my time screaming at my television at British sitcom characters who walk up to the breakfast table, grab a cold piece of toast and start eating it without butter, so when it comes to the current national outrage over Nigella Lawson buttering her toast TWICE, I side with Nigella:

The perfect method, Lawson suggests, is not as obvious as you might think: Lawson taught viewers to spread butter on hot toast as soon as it comes out of the toaster, before letting it settle, applying a second layer of butter, and then finishing with a sprinkling of salt.

 

The first helping gives the toast a "fabulous crumpety bite," Lawson explained. "Stage two now -- ready for it?" she asked, bracing viewers for what came next. "I need a little more butter, and it will stay in some golden patches on the surface."

 

Lawson probably did not expect the uproar that would ensue from her highly controversial method, though perhaps she should have -- the UK is, after all, a country that loses its collective marbles when a high street chain launches a vegan sausage roll.

 

"Nigella shows the nation how to butter toast ... 5 minutes I will never get back," one angry viewer wrote on Twitter. 

 

Tabloids including the Mail Online and The Sun breathlessly reported on the mirth of some of Lawson's audience, while The Telegraph added fuel to the fire by submitting the strategy to a number of accomplished chefs -- none of whom backed the double-butter approach.

And while I love Uncle Bryn, I do not subscribe to putting jam (jelly!) on my toast.