Griddle Me This...

This is what drives me crazy about cheeseburgers. Why don't they all come with buns that are griddled with butter? I mean, if you can, why the fuck wouldn't you? Doing that with a hamburger bun is like when a woman goes from a "5" to a "9" by blacking out in my room putting on makeup, some fuck-me boots and a banging hot outfit. An incredible change for the better. Camon. - XMASTIME

AND someone over at Salon agrees with me:

After going months without diner or neighborhood bar food and deep into the Upper Midwest's seemingly infinite cloudy season, my husband and I took up the comforting mantle of griddling almost every sandwich we made. We started conservatively by zhushing up grilled cheese with his trademark sprinkling of garlic powder on the pan side of each bread slice. Soon enough, we were switching up the meats and griddling open-faced "tina melts" like pros. 

On the whole, he sticks to the diner credo of simple, properly ratioed fillings; I'm a more restless omnivore. One day, I threw a little chopped kimchi on my grilled ham and cheese; on another, I slid a gently fried egg on top, puncturing the yolk a few times with my fork to ensure equitable ooze. I've grilled peanut butter and honey on thick wheat bread for breakfast and smeared grainy mustard mixed with cherry jam on my griddled turkey with gruyere at lunch. I've cooked down collard greens in red wine vinegar and piled them high on thick-cut ham smeared with mayo on both sides of each piece of bread. 

I don't understand why this is even an argument - if you CAN griddle a sandwich, then you ABSOLUTELY SHOULD!! 

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “aren't you actually terrible at doing this?"

Sigh. Yes, faithful readers, unfortunately YES I AM.