Rabbit's Run

 Scandal has erupted as Darius, the world's largest bunny rabbit, has disappeared:

Darius, a continental giant rabbit, went missing from his home in Stoulton, Worcestershire, on Saturday night.

His owner Annette Edwards has offered a £1,000 reward for his return and said it was a "very sad day".

At 129cm (4ft 2in) long, Darius is a record holder after being named the world's longest rabbit in 2010.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you write about this adorable creature just 11 years ago?"  

Sigh. Yes, dear readers, YES I did:

This is Georgia Hadley, and she's the owner of the largest bunny in the world. I really hate this fucking asshole. When I was her age the only pet my parents would let me have was a pillow that I found in the goddam woods next to my house; I painted eyes and a mouth on it and called it "Rusty." And here this little shit's parents give her the cutest animal on the planet that's the size of a fucking donkey. Fucking christ. Fuck this little shit. "Oh lookit us hugging, he's so big I can barely hold him!!! Isn't he CUUUUUUUTE!!?!?!?" It'd be the only thing with a dick you'll ever come close to if I had my way with that little fucking asshole face of yours, you little shit. Look, that fucker's legs are like goddam hams, for fuck's sake. This fucking thing could wrestle me to the ground and make me lick its shit if it wanted to. Oh, I bet your parents are the most popular in your town, right? "They gave that little shit a fucking freak show bunny rabbit from the circus juiced up on steroids, and now my kids don't give a shit if Rover lives, dies or grows shrooms out of his crack, they just GOTTA have a fucking gargantuan bunny." Fucking asshole. I really wanna fucking punch this little shit.