Big Idiot on Campus

I just found a copy of my college transcript, and I see that I finished ranked 504th in a class of 536. In a word: wow. I mean good lord; how do you do that shitty in college and still actually finish? I knew I was a lazy jagoff, but wow. Hey, I guess it's like what they say about doctors, right? SOMEBody has to finish in the bottom half of the class!

You'd think anyone doing that crappy, there'd be a reason. Dyslexia, vertigo...death? I'm reminded of a dude in some math class in high school who got a 4 on a test. I remember being baffled...a FOUR? Really? You'd think that once a grade dips under a certain level, like a 60 or something, it would slide all the way to 0; ie the work simply would not have been done. To actually take a test, complete the test, turn it in and get your grade back and it's a 4? I even remember him following along as we went over the answers.

So let's take a moment to pat ME on the back. It's hard to actually have a pulse for four years, stay enrolled and somehow graduate so close to the bottom, but I did it. Apparently during my college years I was the living, breathing personification of this Bob Ueker quote:

"Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. But to be able to trick people year in and year out the way I did, I think that was a much greater feat."

Some highlights, in looking at my transcript:

Beginning Swimming C-
Intro to Theater D-
Beginning Bowling F
Jazz, Folk, Rock and Broadway C- where the fuck was I, the Fame school? Majoring in "Gay"? jesus.
Human Sexuality D figures...I was prolly thinking "hey why study, I'm never gonna use THIS in real life!"
Intro to Leis Serv Deliv C- I don't even know that the fuck class this is...Little Caesar's gave out grades? wtf?
Beginning Yoga C-

Funny thing, as shitty as I did I don't remember really meeting anybody there that I thought was smarter than myself. Which may speak of 1) delusion on my part 2) what a pretend clown college I was at. Hell, I had a French professor who would make fun of us that we were students there; he'd call the school "The Harvard on the Appomattox." Ha!! 504 outta 536? Now I gotta wonder...who the fuck were the 32 brain-dead idiots that finished behind me?