Movie Ideas. I Have Them.

The owner of the Justice League foists his third wife's still-living-at-home son onto the team, annoying the hell out of everybody because apparently his superpower is always being completely @#$%ing useless.

LOOKING FOR INVESTORS!!! 💰💰💰💰

Like Welcome Back Kotter Said, Welcome Back!

Welcome back to a no-doubt-about-it Mount Rushmore member of the all-time great shiteratue Hall of Fame, Bill Simmons' 2009 classic book on basketball. Since lockdown it'd been tucked away in storage & this morning it occurred to me I haven’t been able to enjoy it where it truly belongs in at least 6 years, so it's back baby!!

Congrats, Bill Simmons! AND basketball!

(the funny thing about reading it again after all these years is that it's like watching an episode of The Office now - it's still great & we love it but you're gonna run into another horribly dated race/gender/body joke once about every 30 seconds.)

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime

I am "you're never gonna top Cheri Oteri/Maya Rudolph/Molly Shannon" years old.

 

TRUMPESE TRANSLATION: There is a 0% Chance TSA Agents Will Be Paid Tomorrow or Tuesday

It's a Different World, Unfortunately

Interesting brief (very brief) piece on CBS Sunday Morning today on the how black sitcoms were all over network tv in the early 90s; however, unlike when I was sniffing this out 13 years ago, they never bother to ask why the genre seemed to disappear overnight. 🤔🤷‍♂️ 

Advice for Young People. I Have It.

I don't consider myself to be a man of great wisdom and I don't think anybody ever looks to me for advice but as I see all the young people in my life growing closer to adulthood there's one piece of advice I would like to pass on to them: don’t dick around cooking rice – if the box says cover it for 25 minutes & leave it then cover it for 25 minutes & leave it.

PREVIOUS ADVICE HERE

Xmastime Films

STOLEN VALOR: A Cereal's Life

I Love You Steve Carell and You Know This but I Gotta Call You Out on This Bullshit du Jour

I love you Steve Carell and you know this but I gotta call you out on this bullshit: while listening to you explain the premise of your new HBO show Rooster in the clip below I couldn't help but wonder in 1997-era-David-Spade-snark "gee, where have I seen this exact show before?

Well well well....let's see what was up in the first episode of the 2023 Frasier reboot, which can best be summed up thusly:

Frasier gives a lecture at Harvard University. While in town, he drops in on his son Frederick. Their relationship has been tense. While Frasier tries to reconnect with Freddy, Olivia tries to recruit him to teach at Harvard. Frasier quickly decides to accept the job to be a part of his son's life.

Hmmm. 🤔🤷‍♂️

J'ACCUSE STEVE CARELL, J'ACCUSE!!! 😡 

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime

There's a list of otherwise great sitcoms where you could ask, "would this show be better without the titular (heh heh heh) characters?" and that list is Gavin and Stacey.

 

I'll Say This.

Nobody thinks less of themselves than me but for some reason I have it in my head that if I do one day approach a woman at Wegmans with hopes of future romance my assurances of "don’t worry, I live upstairs", will provoke a positive response which probably reveals that I know less about women, human nature and probably even Wegmans than I even thought.

Things Xmastime Said Today

One of my regular Beatles podcasts, Things We Said Today, asked their panel to list THE 5 BEATLES MOMENTS WE WISH WE WERE THERE TO SEE...most of them were good but pretty obvious (rooftop/John meets Paul/The End/Shea etc), so when I picked my own 5 I made sure to ask my bff ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋) what they thought and ladies & gentlemen I am here to tell you I am well pleased with the feedback, which I will now allow you to enjoy yourself YOU’RE WELCOME!

1) THE MOMENT PAUL MCCARTNEY AGREED TO PLAY BASS (which back in 2021 I said should be an entire movie of its own)

What ChatGPT Thinks of This:

This is a sneaky all-timer. 
It’s not sexy, but it’s foundational. Without that: No Hofner identity
No melodic bass revolution
No “second lead instrument” approach

It’s basically the moment the band’s sound ceiling gets raised.

👉 This is the kind of pick historians respect and casual fans overlook. Strong.

2 ) JOHN LENNON SINGING TWIST & SHOUT

What ChatGPT Thinks of This:

Perfect “you can feel the room shaking” moment. One take
Shredded vocal cords
End-of-session desperation
You'd walk out stunned. Not “that was great” — more like “what just happened?”

👉 Absolute heater pick

3) THE TRAIN RIDE TO DC, ABSOLUTE PEAK OF PEAKS AFTER CRUSHING

What ChatGPT Thinks of This:

This is maybe your best one. They’ve already “crushed” NYC
They know they’ve taken America
No chaos yet — just momentum and adrenaline 
This is the Beatles at pure, uncut peak confidence. No hindsight. No breakup. Just: we own the world now.

👉 This is such a specific, human moment. A+

4) GEORGE MARTIN & GEOFF EMERICK FIGURING OUT HOW TO SPLICE STRAWBERRY FIELDS FOREVER TOGETHER

What ChatGPT Thinks of This: 

This is nerd heaven. Two takes in different keys/tempos
George Martin basically says “we’ll just… fix it”
Geoff Emerick pulls off borderline magic

This is where the Beatles become limitless in the studio.

👉 If #1 is structural and #3 is emotional, this is creative breakthrough. Love the balance.

5) JOHN & PAUL RECORDING THE BALLAD OF JOHN & YOKO TOGETHER 

What ChatGPT Thinks of This:

This one’s sneaky emotional dynamite. Just John & Paul
George and Ringo not even there
The only time ever
It’s like a ghost of the early Beatles shows up for one day.

👉 There’s something almost sad about it — which makes it even better. 

I Am Not Made of Stone, People 🥲

From the ACLU:

We're honored that the one and only Bruce Springsteen trusted us with use of his iconic anthem ahead of our landmark Supreme Court case Trump v. Barbara, where we’re challenging President Trump’s attempt to take away the constitutional right to birthright citizenship. This video, directed by award-winning filmmaker Anderson Wright, serves as the focal point of the ad campaign we’re launching to protect birthright citizenship. A 30-second version of this video will air during iconic American programs including MLB Opening Day, Survivor, American Idol, and more. Living rooms across the nation will be filled with this reminder of this constitutional right that makes up the fabric of our nation.

 I believe I speak for everybody when I rather robustly shout out BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!!!! 🤗🎸❤️🇺🇸

Maybe It's Me (But I Doubt It)

Maybe it's me but I feel like Doug Collins' miracle mid-court steal at the end of the 1972 Olympic gold medal game should be a much bigger deal in basketball history.

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime

Apparently I am "I'm pretty sure the 19 year-old guy working the lobby is banging every woman in my building" years old.

Consider Me Team "Moby Can Go Fuck Himself", Thank You Very Much 😡

Parking Lot

This Family Ties clip has 3 things my nephew Paddy Mac loves: playing Monopoly, refusing to pay taxes & defending Capitalism! 🤗😜😭😭🕺🕺

Xmastime YouTube Series Rec du Jour

This Everything You NEED to Know About SNL Season __ series is fantastic in that it rips through every season episode by episode in less time than it takes to watch an actual episode; besides of course some of the usual iconic sketches we've all seen a million times, there's a zillion "ooooooh yeah, I'd forgotten that one!" sketches you'll be reminded of.

Enjoy! And yes, you ARE welcome!

Movie Ideas. I Have Them.

ZERO STARS TO HELL

Seven people are mysteriously brought together at a remote location; turns out they each have unwittingly had an Uber Eats driver die trying to deliver their food. Now they’re gonna each get the meal they ordered but one of them will die…

LOOKING FOR INVESTORS!! 💰 💰 💰 💰

Me. I'm Really Happening, Aren't I?

I pulled my chicken (heh heh heh) outta the oven & its running juices (my old gang name) had created what I thought was a funny image of a fat cartoon figure running out of a burning building; I tried to draw a face onto it with a magic marker but the ink instantly disappeared into chicken grease so I thought why not just draw them in digitally? and now I know I can never run for office as long as things that aren't necessarily blackface but certainly make you think of blackface aren't super popular. 😬

A Moment with Xmastime: A Poem

About to slide off the escalator at the Metro
I saw a fresh Capitol One Arena ticket lying on the ground
Untorn, unused
What event could it be to?
I briskly walked by it
But something started nagging me
What if it was to something incredible?
What if I ended up going? And it changed my life?
I quickly half-jogged back and
Waited for some young guy to get off the escalator
Picked up the ticket and spun back around
As I looked at it
A guy now walking beside me shouted
“Free ticket!”
And we were both swept up with excitement
“What’s it for?” he asked, from about 6 steps ahead of me
“Beauty & the Beast!”

“You have to go!”
Suddenly, there were two of us
We walked in sync,
Him still about 6 steps ahead,
Head tiled back enough to cock an ear towards me
He suddenly heard me sigh
“Ah, dammit”
He knew.
“Too late?”
“It was earlier this afternoon.””
Dammit!”
He disappeared into the crowd.
He’s probably already forgotten.
But not me.