If I Was a Rapper...

...I'd have a line "look at them girls getting all loose with the hot dog juice".

Great Moments in Xmastime Texting

Xmastime Agrees du Jour

I don't know why "I'd like a calm, normal job so I can pay my bills and try to live a halfway decent life" is the equivalent of cutting a wet fart in American society.

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I'll Say This.

There's a subset of people in my office who are obsessed with online training sessions & guest speakers about how to generate AI prompts & I'm all like hey you know who's great at providing AI prompts if you ask them hey what do you know, it's AI. 🤷‍♂️

HAPPY BIRFDAY BIG BEAR! 🤗 🥳 🎂

[NOTE: it was his birthday yesterday but I'm scared of Friday the 13th so I waited]

There's a kazillion Big Bear posts from over the years, treat yourself in the search bar above with "Big Bear" for a rabbit hole of classics through the years.

Here he is about to get me dragged into a fistfight with some, and I quote, "friggin' loudmouths!" 😬 

Sometimes I Scare Myself with My Own Genius

Should-be Hold Steady lyric:

"And she said man I Am the Cosmos
Is so much better than Radio City
That I'm gonna puke blue Big Gulp ice all over my Keds
And then she did"

PREVIOUS HOLD STEADY GENIUS FROM XMASTIME HERE

Me, to Me Just Now

"So I guess we're just never gonna fucking learn for sure whether or not Wegmans has a fucking apostrophe are we, that's just fucking great."

Me. I'm Really Happening, Aren't I?

I walk around Wegmans so much that eventually I'm gonna see a black guy holding a white baby & I wonder if I'll have the guts to walk up with outstretched arms & do a "THERE he is!" joke. 

NARRATOR'S VOICE: thankfully, he will not.

Current Events

People like me spent Trump’s entire first term trying to out-shriek each other about the fact that when an actual smart version of this incompetent dipshit shows up that’s the end of democracy but what we’ve learned is that it’s actually much much easier; all the next guy has to do is NOT be the single-worst person in the world at every single moment of every single day & his journey to “we’ve decided this guy should be the King of America” will be shockingly quick & easy.

Current Events

I don’t know how serious or unserious reports of Trump considering bringing back the draft for his bullshit war may be, but I do know that the odds of him announcing that he’s drafting only people from Blue states he lost in the election are not 0%.

THIS Is What the Internet was Supposed to Be Made For

It Took 4 Years But It Finally Happened, People

Locker #1 for my package. I'm verklempt. 🥲

(It was soap.) 

 

XOTD2022

DON'T make me ask Paul for the money himself guys, NOT COOL! 😡

 

I'll Never Announce When I Win the Lottery....

...but there will be signs.

Xmastime Films

XMASTIME ANNOUNCES HE'S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT IN 2028

Trump Waiting for 9th War to End So He Gets 10th for Free

Questions. I Have Them.

How's it possible there's no Las Vegas professional sports team called the Odds?

Documentary Ideas. I Have Them.

10-part doc series about the glory days of when the box set was the stone-cold no-doubt-about-it goddam holy grail Christmas gift.

Current Events

What’s the last of its principles that MAGA will toss away the second Trump tells them to?

Small government. 2nd amendment. No wars. America first. No more corruption in the DC swamp. Epstein files. Family values. Christianity. "Billionaires only wanna create jobs!"........... ?

New (not really) Xmastime Series!

I call this one, "Shitty Comments I Make in My Head That I Don't Actually Post Because I Don't Wanna Put Such a Thing Out into the World". Enjoy, everybody! 

FIRST TIME EVER: 3 different choices, YOU people choose the winner!! 

 

 

This last one I almost didn't have the guts to post here, it's especially cruel since it's not even to the original poster but to someone only trying to help. 😬