BOOK IT: if you're a sheriff or pastor and are somehow famous, the odds of you being a complete asshole are approximately 100%.I'd like to officially add people who say so & so "plays the game the right way" to this list.
Friday, October 09, 2026
Official Announcement
Moi Say Moi back in 2023:
Current Events
Because we're still desperately hurtling ourselves towards rock bottom no matter how long it seems to be taking, the American government is about to stage its first public execution in 90 years; people will say the death penalty and public executions in particular act as deterrents to murder & yet I seem to remember a snappy little story about a guy whose public execution became the most publicized moment in human history & served as a catalyst for changing billions of lives ever since & yet 2,000 years later, murder is still as much of a thing as ever. But hey. 🤷♂️
We Love You John Lennon
I've always loved checking in on the annual pilgrimage of fans playing his songs at Strawberry Fields in Central Park for his birthday, but this one is fascinating not only because I love the song so much but how do they work out which half does the lead & which half would do the backups? Alphabetical by last names, like guidance counselors? 🤔🕺❤️🎸🇬🇧
Fab Four Friday (AND Marley!)
THIS POST DEDICATED TO MARLEY ON HIS BIRTHDAY, who of The Beatles' Get Back doc wrote:
There is not much more to be said about the documentary, save for the live-blogging of the first two episodes (third to follow) by Xmastime, which is the funniest, most engaging thing I’ve read all year.We thank you, Marley! Happy birfday!! 😜🕺🥳🎉
I will now choose a line I like from each of the three episodes, since nobody gives a shit so many people have been clamoring for it, you're welcome very much!
FROM EPISODE 1:
Paul confronting John to ask him if he’s written any songs has all the warmth of a bill collector but without the entertaining threat of violence.
FROM EPISODE 2:
John Lennon can find the camera like an aging porn star.
FROM EPISODE 3:
After trying to get through The Long and Winding Road they’re all bitching about the sound in the room, to which I’d respectfully suggest that maybe the shitty sound in the room is The Long and Winding Road?
RIP Mike Ditka
The one coach throughout the history of sports at every conceivable level who most looks like the mascot of the team he's most associated with, if you were making a Mount Rushmore of People Who ARE the History of the National Football League Mike Ditka would be on it. I hate that he got the Fridge a touchdown in the Super Bowl instead of Sweetness, who always deserved it more than anyone else who ever played the game, but it's impossible to not love Mike Ditka.
Even when it comes to iconic comedy, he was influential! 😜🤣🐻❤️
Even when it comes to iconic comedy, he was influential! 😜🤣🐻❤️
"THERE'S A LOT GOING ON HERE", an Xmastime Haiku
...the name of this show is That's My Mama...
...today's my mother's birthday...
...her name's Judy...
...the name of the episode is A Date with Judy...
...also included in the frame...
...are not one but TWO actors who appeared on...
...my all-time superslice of superslices What's Happening!!...
...that's Rabbit in the chair...
...who ran track at USC...
...and briefly rented out a room at Raj's house...
...and of course the other is the one, the only, the legend...
...AL DUNBAR!
Happy Birfday John Lennon! 🎸🤗🕺❤️🇬🇧
“A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.”
A Few Thoughts on the Season Finale Season 4 of TED LASSO
WARNING: THESE ARE ALL AS I TOLD THEM IN REAL TIME TO MY BFF ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋), I WILL NOT BE EDITING THIS SHIT, TOUGH LUCK LOSERS
Oh good, it looks like Beard has gone sprinting past midlife crisis to full-on Rasputin.
“Until it doesn't.” Higgins dropping bombs out of the gate.
This apartment may be the least place I'd want to live in on a popular TV show since The Sopranos. The fuck? Ice cold.
Oh good. Now we're gonna do “Keeley's the-first-woman-to-ever-go-through-pregnancy” thing. Awesome.
Hey, the Roy's-turn-to-puke thing was good.
Is this finale gonna be about Ted's fucking shitty kid? Oh, for fuck's sake.
Jane's back. I gotta say, I really don't give a shit. Not at this point in the game. Am I crazy? I know I'm wrong.
Is Gemma the most Ted Lasso of any other character than Ted Lasso? She's always fucking beaming and smiling.
Of course the fucking Irish shine at a funeral.
Tearing up.
God, I know it. We're gonna have to deal with this shitty kid. God damn it.
Hey, how many times did my father walk in on me crying to myself? 🤔 (the answer is 0)
Okay, I know I'm gonna regret shitting on his kid by the end of this, but I mean, come on.
If Megan reached out of her grave and grabbed Ted, why would she pull him to her? Why wouldn't she pull herself up to Earth and then be like, “Hey, I'm back. I'm alive, guys. Cool.”
Ted lying about his father to his kid. That's only gonna fuck the kid up later. Great. Now this asshole has me feeling sorry for his shitty kid, for fuck's sake.
Is this the first time there's been a different intro song?
AGAIN, the title credits come in at what, 12 minutes? [SIDE NOTE: yes we here at Xmastime have known/rolled our eyes at this kind of shit for years!!!!]
Wait, how would Beard's parents lie to him about cigarettes? Would they tell him they were good for you? That's hilarious.
Look, making kids laugh about farts is funny, no matter how old you are. It is what it is. No apologies for that one. And thank you, Ted Lasso. You really are teaching us something.
Wait whatshername’s two kids were boys?
Ah yes, a Rupert mention, R.I.P. Anthony Head. Loved him.
A video of a team goofing around to a song and the internet loses its shit? Really?
Incredible song though. Makes me think of Brooklyn. :(
Keeley's gonna be on pajama couch rest for eight months or something? What the fuck?
It's a couple hours before the game and Ted just now has some ideas about the starting lineup? What the fuck kind of hippies are running this fucking team?
Here we go, Nathan the Great. Has he been in this season? No, right?
Right. Ted used that “You just met a cool person” line before. Maybe in the first season. Who was that? Damn it.
Oh shit, are we gonna get the Diamond Dogs finally? Oh my God, I think we're gonna.
Yes, right on cue, Diamond Dogs. Yes, finally.
How many times are we gonna do this fucking Roy-thinks-he's-a-piece-of-shit thing? The fuck? Come on.
I do like the fool-the-children-into-free-labor policy they picked up on. Hats off.
Okay, Tracey Ullman's character, when they're busted by the Milk girls, she is totally not believable in her reaction.
I'm happy for Shannon starting. I'm glad they made a big deal out of it, but didn't she give up like 11 goals in a minute last week or some shit?
Why would Ted bring up the attendance in the big speech before the game? Like, why would the players care? Has that ever been brought up by a coach before a game? Ever on Earth?
Okay, good to see the old players. Waterworks.
Okay, I hate what's-her-name's kids too. I hate them. I hate Henry. I hate all the kids on the show except for Phoebe. I love Roy Kent's niece. She is hilarious.
She literally says, “I know I should be home resting.” She has seven months left of being pregnant. What the fuck?
My broken record, but how did Tracey Ullman's character ascend so quickly to being Rebecca's BFF?
How can Rebecca be this shocked? It turns out it's Tracey Ullman that fucked her over. Like, come on.
Why did Zelda need to do the whole thing about buddying up with Rebecca? All it was was her guy calling people up and buying the shares for her. Why did she have to do the whole performance with Rebecca?
Oh my God. Give Tracey Ullman the Emmy just for that scorpion physical comedy. Unbelievable. I love her so much. Thank you, Tracey Ullman.
Is Ted pulling out a whole bottle of booze in front of his kid? Is this There Will Be Blood? What the fuck?
Great job doing the whole Ted-tells-the-kid-what-really-happened-to-his-father offscreen. Thank god. Good decision.
Hell of a twist. They got me.
Thank God, because Rebecca turning on Higgins was giving me severe anxiety.
Okay, the guys get in the pub and Mae's... Well, look, I'm not made of fucking stone. Here come the waterworks. I can tell, the rest of this fucking episode.
Funny tennis comment. LOL. Automatic. Perfect.
Has Ted done a “Biscuits with the Boss” all season?
Roy Kent thing is over the top, but her eyelashes thing is hilarious.
What if what we're led to believe is a record-setting pregnant Keeley walks in on Roy Kent and Rebecca hugging? That would be great.
Oh, here we go. Biscuits with the Boss. Silence.
Is this supposed to be Hannah Waddingham's Emmy episode? They're really pushing her over the top.
He just decided to ditch the women's team in the last 30 seconds since he learned Roy was leaving?
Richard Schiff as Beard is fantastic. Kudos. Applause.
I guess Rebecca's getting married. Great. I thought he was gonna say no for a second. I thought he was gonna say, “This is kind of impulsive,” but oh well.
“Did you know oysters come from the sea?” Got a legit LOL.
See the huge jar of pills Roy's packing. I thought they were going to be a big part of this season because they made a big deal out of showing them a couple episodes ago, but guess not. So why wave them around now?
Okay, the action—army action figures—here come the waterworks.
Okay, Coach Chilton getting the job, total waterworks. But shouldn't she also be like, “Yeah, fucking A, I should have done this a year ago, assholes”? But I'm bawling. Good for her.
Oh, Ted didn't take the men's job. Wow. Okay. Overall, fine. I'm glad everyone's happy. Wasn't quite the waterworks I was expecting, and to be honest, God bless her, but I didn't hear a word Mae fucking said in her elegy at the end, but oh well. There was actually a sense of laid-backness to the whole episode that surprised me.
Oh good, it looks like Beard has gone sprinting past midlife crisis to full-on Rasputin.
“Until it doesn't.” Higgins dropping bombs out of the gate.
This apartment may be the least place I'd want to live in on a popular TV show since The Sopranos. The fuck? Ice cold.
Oh good. Now we're gonna do “Keeley's the-first-woman-to-ever-go-through-pregnancy” thing. Awesome.
Hey, the Roy's-turn-to-puke thing was good.
Is this finale gonna be about Ted's fucking shitty kid? Oh, for fuck's sake.
Jane's back. I gotta say, I really don't give a shit. Not at this point in the game. Am I crazy? I know I'm wrong.
Is Gemma the most Ted Lasso of any other character than Ted Lasso? She's always fucking beaming and smiling.
Of course the fucking Irish shine at a funeral.
Tearing up.
God, I know it. We're gonna have to deal with this shitty kid. God damn it.
Hey, how many times did my father walk in on me crying to myself? 🤔 (the answer is 0)
Okay, I know I'm gonna regret shitting on his kid by the end of this, but I mean, come on.
If Megan reached out of her grave and grabbed Ted, why would she pull him to her? Why wouldn't she pull herself up to Earth and then be like, “Hey, I'm back. I'm alive, guys. Cool.”
Ted lying about his father to his kid. That's only gonna fuck the kid up later. Great. Now this asshole has me feeling sorry for his shitty kid, for fuck's sake.
Is this the first time there's been a different intro song?
AGAIN, the title credits come in at what, 12 minutes? [SIDE NOTE: yes we here at Xmastime have known/rolled our eyes at this kind of shit for years!!!!]
Wait, how would Beard's parents lie to him about cigarettes? Would they tell him they were good for you? That's hilarious.
Look, making kids laugh about farts is funny, no matter how old you are. It is what it is. No apologies for that one. And thank you, Ted Lasso. You really are teaching us something.
Wait whatshername’s two kids were boys?
Ah yes, a Rupert mention, R.I.P. Anthony Head. Loved him.
A video of a team goofing around to a song and the internet loses its shit? Really?
Incredible song though. Makes me think of Brooklyn. :(
Keeley's gonna be on pajama couch rest for eight months or something? What the fuck?
It's a couple hours before the game and Ted just now has some ideas about the starting lineup? What the fuck kind of hippies are running this fucking team?
Here we go, Nathan the Great. Has he been in this season? No, right?
Right. Ted used that “You just met a cool person” line before. Maybe in the first season. Who was that? Damn it.
Oh shit, are we gonna get the Diamond Dogs finally? Oh my God, I think we're gonna.
Yes, right on cue, Diamond Dogs. Yes, finally.
How many times are we gonna do this fucking Roy-thinks-he's-a-piece-of-shit thing? The fuck? Come on.
I do like the fool-the-children-into-free-labor policy they picked up on. Hats off.
Okay, Tracey Ullman's character, when they're busted by the Milk girls, she is totally not believable in her reaction.
I'm happy for Shannon starting. I'm glad they made a big deal out of it, but didn't she give up like 11 goals in a minute last week or some shit?
Why would Ted bring up the attendance in the big speech before the game? Like, why would the players care? Has that ever been brought up by a coach before a game? Ever on Earth?
Okay, good to see the old players. Waterworks.
Okay, I hate what's-her-name's kids too. I hate them. I hate Henry. I hate all the kids on the show except for Phoebe. I love Roy Kent's niece. She is hilarious.
She literally says, “I know I should be home resting.” She has seven months left of being pregnant. What the fuck?
My broken record, but how did Tracey Ullman's character ascend so quickly to being Rebecca's BFF?
How can Rebecca be this shocked? It turns out it's Tracey Ullman that fucked her over. Like, come on.
Why did Zelda need to do the whole thing about buddying up with Rebecca? All it was was her guy calling people up and buying the shares for her. Why did she have to do the whole performance with Rebecca?
Oh my God. Give Tracey Ullman the Emmy just for that scorpion physical comedy. Unbelievable. I love her so much. Thank you, Tracey Ullman.
Is Ted pulling out a whole bottle of booze in front of his kid? Is this There Will Be Blood? What the fuck?
Great job doing the whole Ted-tells-the-kid-what-really-happened-to-his-father offscreen. Thank god. Good decision.
Hell of a twist. They got me.
Thank God, because Rebecca turning on Higgins was giving me severe anxiety.
Okay, the guys get in the pub and Mae's... Well, look, I'm not made of fucking stone. Here come the waterworks. I can tell, the rest of this fucking episode.
Funny tennis comment. LOL. Automatic. Perfect.
Has Ted done a “Biscuits with the Boss” all season?
Roy Kent thing is over the top, but her eyelashes thing is hilarious.
What if what we're led to believe is a record-setting pregnant Keeley walks in on Roy Kent and Rebecca hugging? That would be great.
Oh, here we go. Biscuits with the Boss. Silence.
Is this supposed to be Hannah Waddingham's Emmy episode? They're really pushing her over the top.
He just decided to ditch the women's team in the last 30 seconds since he learned Roy was leaving?
Richard Schiff as Beard is fantastic. Kudos. Applause.
I guess Rebecca's getting married. Great. I thought he was gonna say no for a second. I thought he was gonna say, “This is kind of impulsive,” but oh well.
“Did you know oysters come from the sea?” Got a legit LOL.
See the huge jar of pills Roy's packing. I thought they were going to be a big part of this season because they made a big deal out of showing them a couple episodes ago, but guess not. So why wave them around now?
Okay, the action—army action figures—here come the waterworks.
Okay, Coach Chilton getting the job, total waterworks. But shouldn't she also be like, “Yeah, fucking A, I should have done this a year ago, assholes”? But I'm bawling. Good for her.
Oh, Ted didn't take the men's job. Wow. Okay. Overall, fine. I'm glad everyone's happy. Wasn't quite the waterworks I was expecting, and to be honest, God bless her, but I didn't hear a word Mae fucking said in her elegy at the end, but oh well. There was actually a sense of laid-backness to the whole episode that surprised me.
Thursday, October 08, 2026
God Save the King(s)
Here's all the (probably shitty)(and these are the ones I saved!) videos I have from my Sex Pistols show, which I'm still fucking giddy about. 🤗🎸❤️🇬🇧
An Xmastime Prayer
Dear Lord,
Please grant me even one moment of being as excited as this fucking lunatic is fetching strangers iced tea.
Thank you,
Xmastime
Hold Up...
...the building next to me is doing Halloween AND Xmas at the same time??? 😲🤯
I declare....I'll say the same thing I say about NASA: why aren't these people running the goddam country?
Speaking of Don Larson's Perfect Game
After Larsen completed his historic perfect game, he was quoted as saying, “That catch Mickey Mantle made on Gil Hodges’ long liner in the fifth saved my bacon.”
60 Blue
Today at work I was positively regaling someone with the story about the 10 seconds around 2006 the Year of Our Lord Anno Dominos Pizza I allowed myself to believe Tommy Stinson was gonna play on a record I was in the middle of making thanks to a friend of mine having dated him at some point; now I'm cracking myself up imagining how small an act it would take for me to bullshit Tommy’s name onto the album credits once it was done – he touches a bass guitar? BASS BY TOMMY STINSON. I can grab any string of words that come out of his mouth and stick them on a song? SONG BY STINSON/WILSON. Name of album? TOMMY STINSON.
ANYhoo, here he is smash-colliding two beloved Xmastime worlds, Denny's and What's Happening!!
In Which Xmastime Blows Your Mind About Rubber Soul, but Only a Little Bit
One of the many charms of Rubber Soul is that it positively REEKS of "this is 1965", with the rock-but-with-acoustic-guitars sound/title that looks like a warm pillow to curl up in/the obvious influence of marijuana but not the scary LSD of the-future/even their jackets on the cover are like "can you believe how cozy it is here in 1965?" & on & on & on.
BUT.
The album was released on December 3, 1965, so I'm guessing that even though it sold 1.2 million copies in the first 9 days & was the #1 Christmas present going that year (why is why they were scrambling to complete the album so quickly), based on the fact that it remained stayed at #1 on the charts for more than 3 months & presumably was on the radio just about every minute of the day, can we assume that the first time the majority of people actually heard Rubber Soul was in fact in...1966? 🤔🤯
BUT.
The album was released on December 3, 1965, so I'm guessing that even though it sold 1.2 million copies in the first 9 days & was the #1 Christmas present going that year (why is why they were scrambling to complete the album so quickly), based on the fact that it remained stayed at #1 on the charts for more than 3 months & presumably was on the radio just about every minute of the day, can we assume that the first time the majority of people actually heard Rubber Soul was in fact in...1966? 🤔🤯
Moi Say Moi
I don't know that the hell people did before aluminum foil & kitchen shears and I don't really care to ever find out.
Wednesday, October 07, 2026
Cap Doffed to a Recent THE NEW YORKER
For having not one but THREE great cartoons, which I present to you now and yes, you are indeed quite welcome. (Also - what is about The New Yorker and crushing it with animal cartoons??)
Oh FFS CNN.
CNN rarely goes more than a week without yet another article about a farmer who repeatedly voted for Trump who once again, as always, finds themselves desperately trying to not lose their farm because of Trump’s stupidity and my question is, who exactly are these articles for? The farmers/fans of Trump who don’t dare read CNN because Dear Leader has demanded it’s “fake news”? Or me, who from the moment Trump descended on that golden escalator has implored people – including these farmers – to NOT vote for Trump? I’m trying not to do a big fat “I fucking told you so” but also believe we’re long past me pretending to 🤔; I’ve done all I can for these fuckers, I’m tired of pretending they’re somehow “more “American” than me & deserve chance after chance to be saved from running into traffic like a fucking toddler. Incredible.
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