Hope(less) du Jour

I agree 100% with this; the problem unfortunately is that returning to empathy/kindness etc is pretty much impossible since stoking phantom fears has become monetized beyond anyone’s wildest dreams, and we know what direction that always goes.

I hope I’m wrong - I usually am - and if it’s this goddam monkey who somehow makes it happen then that’s just the adorable fucking cherry on top. 🤗🕺

WE ❤️ PUNCH!!

I Love This Show!!!! buuuuuuuuuut....

...the ironic tragedy of the could-be-amazing-but-stuffs-itself-with-too-much-unnecessary-bullshit The Food That Built America series is that they WAAAAAY over index on how much they think we care about drama for drama's sake and WAAAAAY under index on how much they think we actually care about the more mundane, inside baseball business mechanics of how these food empires were built, which is odd since they know we're sitting there watching a tv show about the business of food and they also know that if I wanna watch fainting couches & flipping tables there's a gazillion other shows for me to spin the dial & land on; IN OTHER WORDS: much more original UK Kitchen Nightmares, much less US version of Kitchen Nightmares (if at all!). 

New Xmastime Series!

I'm Tired of Writing This Shit Out for You People So I'm Gonna Take One Shot at It with SIRI & Just Copy/Paste Whatever the Hell I Blurt Out As Is

When people talk about Trump running the world like a mob boss either they don't understand what the mob is or I don't but him doing this thing where oh sorry countries you're on your own is the opposite of what say Tony soprano would do Tony soprano in any good my boss knows to keep the smaller weaker countries needing him always needing to give you know a kick up a little bit and he's gonna keep them protected and say keep stable now what happens when he tells the little guys you know what fuck you you're on your own they call us together cause that's how they get power and then they go after Tony soprano and in this case the US is Tony Sopranos so people think they're complementing him like they do his mug shot or whatever but it's actually just showing both when an idiot Trump is and an idiot these supporters are

Well Hello Ladies...

Sidewalk Anxiety Math

Me having a penchant for walking quickly + the person walking waaaaaaay in front of me having a penchant for walking slooooooowly / the distance between us measured in feet = the distance between us shrinking at the precise rate such that I’m trapped between knowing there’s no hope of passing them without looking like a total psycho and not being able to shake the feeling that I’m stalk-creeping them like the Dread Pirate Roberts.

Xmastime Does the Unthinkable: Considers Himself Capable of Ranking Movies About FINANCE

Margin Call > The Big Short

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime

Having lived in an apartment building with a front desk staff for a coupla years now, I'm thrilled to announce that the front desk lobby acquaintance is the absolute best kind of friendship, all surface level "how you doing?"s & faux-meaningful nods as you hurry by. And since you see them over & over every day you really do feel like you're somewhat invested in each other's lives - I often fantasize about just happening to be walking by when someone is insulting them so I can jump to their defense - but without any real connection or intimacy and while putting in absolutely zero amount of work.

Xmastime Venn Diagram

Back When I Was Funny.

Thoughts on THE OFFICE. I Have Them.

It's very out of character that Angela, who's obviously attracted to authoritarianism type of strength in men both sexually and morally, could ever see Dwight as a real man to subjugate herself to after he got his ass kicked by Michael in the episode The Fight.

One More Note on Punch the Monkey:

"The closest thing he had to loved ones were the zookeepers who look after him, and a stuffed animal from IKEA."

If IKEA doesn't immediately ca$$$$$$h in on this by selling about a gazillion more of these stuffed monkeys with a little help from Punch then I really don't know what to tell them. 🤷‍♂️💰

 

❤️ Punch

😡😡😡😡 A coupla days ago I shook with rage & tears in my eyes when I saw what they were doing to Punch the monkey; I honestly didn't think I'd be able to go to sleep that night before finding out to my & everybody else's great relief that he's gonna be just fine after all: 🤗

Punch, a 7-month-old macaque monkey, had no friends.

His mother abandoned him. He wasn’t quite fitting in with the other monkeys at Ichikawa City Zoo, outside Tokyo. The closest thing he had to loved ones were the zookeepers who look after him, and a stuffed animal from IKEA.

But a series of widely shared posts showing his predicament — including a hashtag started by the zoo, #HangInTherePunch — have put Punch in the global spotlight and made him somewhat of an internet celebrity.

Legions of fans from around the world have been cheering Punch on, welcoming him as a bright spot during intense current events. There’s little question as to why: Punch is adorable. And there are signs he has started to gain confidence with the other monkeys.

I'm also only barely joking when I say I can't remember the last time the entire country seemed to rally together over something. 🤗🕺

And let me tell you something, ladies: if your man doesn’t get choked up about Punch the monkey then you need to leave him. 

WE LOVE YOU PUNCH!! 

Meanwhile...

...the UK is holding a member of the Royal family accountable for his Epstein ties & yet here in America we’re gearing up for a debate on whether or not the guy who’s mentioned 38K times in the Epstein files who’s on record bragging about grabbing women by the pussy can break from the Constitution and try to be president for a third time.

In America

It’s interesting that we’ve basically ended American democracy and welcomed the American Hitler because a group of people had their feelings hurt that “the elites” weren’t paying enough attention to them when that same group has spent decades loudly & indignantly espousing a doctrine of fuck your feelings & pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.

Thoughts on THE OFFICE. I Have Them.

It's interesting that they never really played on the fact that Rainn Wilson is almost 14 years older than John Krasinksi; while I think we’re KIND OF supposed to assume Dwight's a little older than Jim, and they may even reference it once or twice, at no point are we led to believe they’re almost entirely different generations and throughout Jim's 9,000 pranks on Dwight, none of them have any taste of “Millennial(ish) vs. Boomer(ish)” as we all think of the two of them as being around the same age. I’m not saying this makes the show any better or worse, but it is interesting they avoided the whole age thing for 9 years.

Xmastime Sniffs Out the Bullshit So You Don't Have To

I've recently noticed I can't go more than a few hours without seeing a Threads post about a school cafeteria worker picking up on a poor kid's hunger & of course saving the day to much solemn manic self-congratulation and while I know it's supposed to tickle the heartstrings, there's just way too many of them & they're all the exact same not only in detail but in tone; either way, what I'm really wondering is if "I work the lunch line in a middle school cafeteria..." has somehow become the new "Being from a tiny Midwestern town I never thought I'd write Penthouse but..."
😉 😜🤣

 

Was This the Absolute Golden Age of Blogging?

Back in 2007, Xmastime buddy godihateyourband, RIP just like all of the other blogs I've left dead in my tracks, responded to some of my thoughts about music. Two great bloggers, meeting across the expanse of the then-young internet! Enjoy!

-"The 80s was a surprisingly good decade for Christmas music."
GIHYB doesn't give a shit about xmas music. we don't mind hearing it around the holidays, and while there's the occasional good tune ("war is over", "marshmallow world"), there's always maroon 5 or some studio full of douchebags completely ruining it 30 years later. is there anything worse than a various artists rock xmas comp? ok, maybe a new ryan adams ep, but you get the drift.

- "Appetite for Destruction is completely overrated; to hear people talk about it now you'd think it was Revolver times Highway 61. It's a pretty good album, but that's it. Hey, you were better than Poison. Congratulations."
GIHYB doesn't give a shit about GnR. we're much more interested in the headlines surrounding axl's replacement scott weiland. and thank you jesus, this week there was another doozy!

- "200 words on why I should give 2 shits if Wilco's tour bus falls off a mountain and explodes in a ball of fire. No survivors."
GIHYB doesn't give a shit about Wilco. we give TWO shits! one shit for three really good records (being there, teeth, ghost) and one classic (ok foxtrot). and one shit cuz nels cline is a BEAST! ... and think about it dickhead, if their bus did fall over a cliff they'd be twice as big as they are now. are you willing to let jeff tweedy become the new buddy holly, and the little elf that plays bass richie havens?

- "Did rap peak with Public Enemy and has it spent the last 17 years basically saying the same stupid shit over and over? Yes, you're rich. I get it."
GIHYB doesn't give a shit about answering questions by "bloggers" who obviously have never listened to tony starks.

- "Who's the next band nobody cares about today but will break up and come back in 20 years somehow bigger than the Beatles, a la the Pixies?"
the yoko

- "Am I a bad American for thinking Gram Parsons is WAAAAAAAAY overrated, his "genius" only created by mythology and great timing of his own death?"
GIHYB has a confession to make. while we do agree there are some great songs, and that his whole marriage of muzak was a great idea, gp generally gets the "NEXT" button on the ole zune. his weak-ass voice don't help. that bein sed, sweethearts is badass.

-" Why aren't Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse married?"
why don't you work at mcdonalds?

- "Lenny Kravitz is a current day version of The Doors: he completely sucks but every female on the planet would stab you in the neck for saying so."
did we just see "lenny kravitz" in that last paragraph? angel heart ... denise!

- "Will Dave Grohl ever be able to write another song that mentions a person, place or thing without everyone wondering if it's about Kurt Cobain? And does it even matter since he's in the most boring band in therworld anyway?"
we're getting stoned

Know Thyself du Jour

Living above a Wegmans means that every once & a while I grumble to myself that I should get a home team discount while knowing full well they could charge me double & both I know and Wegmans knows there's not a chance in hell I'd go anywhere else.

Current Obsession

I can't stop watching this Adam Friedland fucker and if he doesn't eventually play Joey Ramone in a movie, what the hell are we even doing here guys? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why Am I Looking at This Weather Map Online?