Random Xmastime Reprise

A guy at work today said there's nothing funnier than swearing at kids so of course this alltime Xmastime classic from 2008 popped into mind. 🤗🤣 #xmastimefilms #vintage

NEW XMASTIME SERIES: Numbers Other Than 69 That Are Sexy

NUMBER: 82
REASON IT'S SEXY: looks like a dwarf getting a blowjob

A Few Thoughts on Episode 7 of Season 4 of TED LASSO

WARNING: THESE ARE ALL AS I WROTE THEM IN REAL TIME I WILL NOT BE EDITING THIS SHIT, TOUGH LUCK LOSERS

Wow, developing some female characters outside of each other?? gee it only took 7 episodes
Believe sign in reverse colors from men’s?? (Check)
Danny Rojas cartwheel line from Rebecca legit lol
Scooter Roy YES PLEASE 🤣🤣🤣 WHY DID THEY END THE ROY ON A SCOOTER THING??? How hilarious would it be watching him have to use it all season??? argh blown opportunity here
I don’t feel like Roy or Dani Rojas would have a super sleazy agent? wouldn't Roy be one of those "fuck that I'm not paying some loser 10%" guys?
Ok the hour doctor’s hair style is officially a problem.
Who is this little kid hanging around and I can’t understand a word he fucking says
Keeley helped Ted with his online dating profile is nice but no Sunny Charlie scene
I can’t do anymore of the Gemma staring at Coach chilton
Roy and doctor was that the nicest breakup of all time ever?
Seriously who the fuck is this little kid?
Do we know why beard and Jane broke up?
Tracy Ullman is just incredible. The her/rebecca/higgins phone call shit was hilarious.

Fucking Pathetic.

RFK Jr. standing by as a toddler tries to destroy his uncle’s legacy - which includes writing a book titled Profiles in Courage - is about as on-brand for the Republican party in 2026 as you can get.

Right on Schedule.

We can make a grand bargain with AI and have happy, fulfilling lives during the few short decades we’re on this Earth, or we can destroy ourselves in the arena fighting for scraps we’ll never be allowed to taste anyway. Take a wild guess which one we’ll decide to do. - Xmastime just a coupla weeks ago

Just a coupla weeks ago I wondered if this is the worst possible time in American history for AI to erupt because of our singular determination to be as stupid as possible when it comes to regulations et al and hey take a wild guess at how quickly you-know-who stepped in to assure us that yes, we will be handling the situation as stupidly as possible thank you very much:

…once Americans fully realize that many of the industry’s reigning oligarchs are warning that we all need to protect ourselves from unwanted by-products of the AI boom that might range up to the extinction of the human race, voters could quickly decide that November should be an extinction event for the people running the country.

President Trump made it extremely clear that he did not want Congress or even the AI industry itself to slow it all down or institute “guardrails” to avoid a catastrophe. In five separate Truth Social posts, the president denounced AI fears as a “HOAX” and basically said “Hands off!”

Awesome.

5 Things We All are Just Gonna Go Ahead & Agree Never Happened

The final season of Roseanne

The U.S. versions of Beatles albums

Michael Jordan on the Wizards

Zima

Go Set a Watchman

ROCK 101: Don’t Bore Us, Get to the Chorus

Because I am a bit of a musical genius who is only now beginning to understand my own responsibility for the very future of recorded music, I’ve been flirting recently with the idea of making songs that are completely made of up the choruses only. We’re already living in an ADHD culture for whom a 7-second Tik Tok pushes the bounds of people’s attention spans, so why make everybody sit through verses/bridges/middle 8s etc when we can just get to the goddam chorus already?

A FEW QUESTIONS:
1. do I write & record the full song first like I normally would and then cut out everything but the choruses?
2. do I write the song as I normally would, but then only record the choruses?
3. do I only bother writing the choruses in the first place?
4. can a chorus technically and spiritually be a chorus if its all by itself?

I will keep you posted on this, you're welcome very much.

9pm at Wegmans

Fuck These Assholes

Moi Say Moi, back in 2023:

I don't know exactly when funny people decided there's some honor in not being funny, so I'd like to respectfully suggest they go fuck themselves.

I've been bitching for years about tv shows that call themselves comedies but aren’t funny at all; The Bear is the biggest offender, but I'd put Bill Hader’s Barry in there too (other than the hilarious Hank of course). Louis CK's Louie seemed to go out of its way to NOT be funny; I tried watching Widow's Bay for 20 minutes and not only did it fail to deliver anything even remotely funny at all, but it also didn’t even seem to be trying to.

To be clear, I’m not talking about shows that just aren’t funny, I’m talking about shows that seem to go out of their way to not be funny & yet clog up the Best Comedy Series category at the Emmys every year; it’s like when a politician realizes they have a better chance of winning an election if they just switch parties, without actually changing anything about themselves or what they stand for. So it brings me a bit of hope to see that of course after about 15 year of my bitching the Universe is finally starting to catch up to me on this non-funny “comedy” bullshit:

Future academics may pinpoint 2023, the year “The Bear” won the Emmy for outstanding comedy series, as the year the sitcom entered hospice care.

On the outstanding comedy series Emmy nominee “Margo’s Got Money Troubles,” money troubles are the least of it. Margo has to deal with an unexpected pregnancy, her violence-prone mother, her father’s drug addiction and the challenges of fighting for custody of her child when her occupation as a sex worker is revealed by the vengeful father of her child. Are you laughing yet? (That the creator of this “comedy” is David E. Kelley, the mind behind such hilarity as “Boston Legal” and “Big Little Lies,” tells you more than this piece can.)

Another nominee, “Nobody Wants This,” repeatedly detaches its star-crossed lovers, a rabbi and a sex-and-dating-podcasting shiksa, with the precision of a mohel’s izmel, while “Hacks” has tortured the two women at its center by setting them against each other, turning the show into a bitter, toxic take-no-prisoners fight for most of Season 4. Oscar and Felix fought on “The Odd Couple,” it’s true, but their fights never carried over beyond one or sometimes two commercial breaks.

The industry has always turned its nose up at comedy, but then why pathetically latch onto it just to win some shirty awards nobody really cares about? If making comedy that actually gets some laughs is so beneath you, why do you need its warm embrace during awards season so badly?

What You See When You Walk in On a Gang Planning One More Bank Heist Before Getting Out of the Goddam Game for Good

I Will See You in Court, Filmvetter!

As you people already know, a coupla weeks ago Filmvetter asked me to partner with him on Xmastime's 1-Sentence Movie Reviews.

However, Mr. Filmvetter has not been keeping up with his side of the bargain, and has thusly been served by Lady Justice and her scales of the law.

This brings me no pleasure. It didn't have to come to this, Filmvetter. 😔 

 

A Few Thoughts on Episode 6 of Season 4 of TED LASSO

WARNING: THESE ARE ALL AS I TOLD THEM IN REAL TIME TO MY BFF ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋), I WILL NOT BE EDITING THIS SHIT, TOUGH LUCK LOSERS

If a snake reached out to hand me a shot I would shit myself in front of everybody
Oh ffs Ted family FUUUUUUUUUCK NOBODY CARES ANYMORE!!!!
I don’t give a shit about Rebecca’s love life ugh this shit suuuuuuuucks zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
wait so who exactly is Tracy Ullman??
Roy "he’s here." "He’s there." this is a. brilliant setup I cant believe theyve never done before but why didnt they finish it?!?!?!?!?
Roy is hilarious. Jamie too.
How was that chick not throwing herself at Beard? What?? Beard got Aziz Ansari'd!!!!!!
Did Jamie sleep with Roy’s sister?
Wouldn’t whatshisface have seen Jamie almost kissing Rebecca?
Least Ted Lasso episode ever of Ted Lasso himself? Subdued not funny?
Worst episode ever?
I thought it was one of those disconnected, standalone episode they do every year but then it reconnects to the rest of the season at the end so…?

A Few Thoughts on Episode 5 of Season 4 of TED LASSO

WARNING: THESE ARE ALL AS I TOLD THEM IN REAL TIME TO MY BFF ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋), I WILL NOT BE EDITING THIS SHIT, TOUGH LUCK LOSERS

I didn't take any notes for this episode. Get over it and move on with your goddam lives already. 

BREAKING: Furious Trump Reminds Media He Inherited Don Jr. from Biden Administration

Speaking of McNuggets...

Xmastime Films

CHICKEN MCNUGGET HEROES: WE SALUTE YOU

Watch Previous Xmastime Films Here

And With a Love Like That.

The only part of any Beatles record we had in my house growing up was a marching band version of I Want to Hold Your Hand on one of my father's marching band record albums zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, so I guess it makes sense that all these years later I find myself at that exact same age one starts searching for orchestral versions of Beatles songs and I hafta say, this She Loves You is thrilling in how it starts out as a sneaky gloomy James Bond theme song, gliding along so beautifully on its own you forget you’re listening to a Beatles song until its iconic melody comes parachuting in at the 1:44 mark. Just incredible. 

MY NEW RECORD NOW AVAILABLE ON VINYL!!

SO WHAT RECORDS PRESENTS A SPECIAL COLLECTION, 1959–2026

Compiled from the deep archives of So What Records, SO WHAT RECORDS PRESENTS A SPECIAL COLLECTION, 1959–2026 gathers twelve remarkable recordings spanning nearly eight decades. Dug up from long-lost master tapes, short-run pressings and forgotten singles, these songs chart a lost history of rock & roll, from Earl Taylor's 1959 classic "My Mona Lisa" to The Hart Avenue's 2026 anthem "What Are You Gonna Do When They Come to Kill You?" and everything in between, collected & presented here for the first time.

ORDER YOUR VINYL COPY HERE!!!

 

RIP Cheetah

It's right and appropriate that I heard about Cheetah Chrom dying from Dish; Hayday used to rock All This and More with Dish singing lead & chiming in for the “I wanna be a Dead Boy" backups for the chorus was one of my all-time favorite moments of rocking. 

Trump Threatens to Close Arlington National Cemetery Unless They Put His Name on Every Tombstone