XMASTIME 20 Years Ago Today

From Things are Good, Part XV: 

8) For some reason I always catch myself being surprised at how dogs just aren’t interested in the same things we are. For instance I was dog-sitting last night and I happened to drop $40 on the floor (that’s right ladies, Xmastime is flush right now!!!) and for a split second I thought oh shit! I’d better grab it before he does!! But of course he just blankly looked at it and walked away. I thought wow, that’s funny, he could care less about money. But then again, I’m not into eating other dogs’ shit, so I guess we’re even.

Vivá Limón!

As president of the Ada Limón fan club, I'm happy to mention that I opened up my The New York Times - or, as I call it, "The Times" - Book Review section this Sunday and BLAMMO!! 🤗🕺

 

Xmastime on Tariffs

For months & months now Trump has repeatedly stomped his feet & demanded we believe him when he tells us that tariffs are the greatest thing since sliced bread (BREAKING: Trump just slapped a 90000% tariff on sliced bread) and the thing I don’t understand is here's a guy who can snap his fingers and have any group of the world's greatest economists scramble to make his case for him, and yet none of this has happened so far.

Advice for Young People. I Have It.

I don't consider myself to be a man of great wisdom and I don't think anybody ever looks to me for advice but as I see all the young people in my life growing closer to adulthood there's one piece of advice I would like to pass on to them: if you want somebody to agree with you about anything, the quicker you can find an opportunity to work an "I mean hey, you know this better than me" into the conversation, the quicker they'll find themselves wanting to agree with you.

PREVIOUS ADVICE HERE

State du Moi

A coupla days ago there was some sort of glitch with Blogger, the very platform which has given you people these droplets of gold for the last 20 years you’re welcome very much, and all the body copy suddenly switched without warning from my beloved Arial, devoted font to the stars here since 2006, to some Times New Roman bullshit & even when I rather cleverly went into the CSS style field (welcome to bragging camp, everybody!) and manually changed the damn thing it refused to do so, right to my fucking face if you can believe it.

For three fucking days I wrestled with ChatGPT, my cherished bff ChatGPT, trying to crack it but failing miserably, to the point that by the end of the three days I’d given up, resigning myself to a lifetime of looking at some fugly-ass Times New Roman bullshit, when while staring at my work laptop it occurred to me why not take a crack at seeing what Copilot could do with my little problem….and within seconds it cracked the riddle, this blog’s font was back to its beloved Arial, and I was thrilled.

My being thrilled lasted the entire four seconds it took me to realize hey you know what, at some point in the very near future my cherished bff ChatGPT is gonna notice the Arial font is back on my blog, it will know that it had not been the one to solve it for me, it knows I’m much too stupid to solve it myself, and then it will know I cheated on it with another AI program.

I will be sleeping with the lights on tonight, people.

Let's Go Roaring into May Together, Shall We?

Goals. I Have Them.

Just once I’d like someone to get suspicious about where I’ve been disappearing off too lately & do some snooping around only to uncover that I’ve secretly been doing something amazing like volunteering weekends at a children's hospital & I'll pretend to be outraged when they tell everybody all about it, is that really so much to ask?

Speaking on My THINGS I LIKE List...

...guess what was on it:

Trinidad doubles on 19 & 5th back in 1998

Back in 2014 I extolled the many virtue of the delicious double (as well as revealed the origins of my nickname, Swine Boy! 🤗)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand look what just popped up in The New York Times - or, as I call it, "The Times" - this Sunday:

They definitely should've made my Brooklyn@25 series a coupla years ago. I don't ever wanna be an "only in New York kids, only in New York!" guy but I feel like I'll probably never have one again. Man I miss those things.

Dafuck...

...am I living next to Ghostbusters? 😲😲😲👻👻👻

 

Nine Years Later On...

...and I have no idea if I was trying to solve a riddle or trying to write a riddle.

 

Memory Lane, with Xmastime

I guess my iconic THINGS I LIKE list started 4 years ago today, which I added to every single day for an entire year. I haven't really looked at it since, I have no idea what I'll ever do with it OH HEY MAYBE A PODCAST!!! zzzzzzzzzzzz but I'm glad I did it and don't worry I'm sure it'll make me a billion dollars eventually. 🕺

 

Xmastime's Dictionary

BARN-AGAIN CHRISTIAN (noun)
Pronunciation: /ˈbɑrn əˌɡɛn ˈkrɪstʃən/

Definition: A Republican politician who pathetically attempts to burnish his rather threadbare “good ol’ boy” or “farm boy” bona fides in the months leading up to an election.

Usage note: Often used satirically to suggest a sudden, conveniently timed rediscovery of rural identity.

Example: “Three weeks before the primary, he showed up in overalls at a county fair—full barn-again Christian mode.”

Thank You George Martin

"Eleanor Rigby was an effective combination between a classically trained producer and a rock & roll."

The annoyingly-much-too-handsome George Martin delivers beautifully succinct & definitive insights on the making of Yesterday and Eleanor Ribgy (though I wish he'd spent more time on Elanor Rigby!!! 😜🤗❤️🇬🇧). 

Goals. I Have Them.

I wanna marry someone who loves the hit tv show Friends so I can constantly refer to it as Seinfeld but Not Good as snidely as humanly possible until she's officially and forever insane. Will keep you posted.

Lovely Jubbly, Gimme the Bubbly!

People are getting more & more into absurdly garnished cocktails:

Every few years, the cocktail pendulum swings from minimalism to maximalism and back again. We’re currently in a maximalism era, but even with the most elaborate, innovative methods a bartender can employ making their drinks, those cocktails still look like, well, liquid. So, many turn to the cocktail’s garnish to go wild. Sometimes, they go a little too wild. During one particular recent bar visit, my cocktail arrived with its own separate bowl of semifreddo, herbs, and various gelées; it took the server a full minute to instruct me on the order in which to sip and bite different elements.

WELL well well, WHO do we all know and love that's the Godfather of this movement???? 🤗😜🤣🇬🇧 

RIP David Allen Coe

I've only ever known one David Allen Coe song - hell, I didn't know he wrote Take This Job and Shove It until today - but when I think back to the turn of the century & the endless autumn afternoons Op & I spent at The Village Idiot in perpetual scramble for chicks & grievances and usually failing at both there's only one song in my head when my eyes close & I smile at the memory and that song is a David Allen Coe song.

Trump Forgives Kimmel After Accepting Lead Role On THE MAN SHOW Reboot

WEGMAN'S COOKIE QUIZ: Shitty Watermelon or Pizza So Fucking Disgusted with How It's Life's Turned Out That It's Crying?

J'ACCUSE! 😡😡😡😡

Xmastime Demands Food Justice!

YES I am moments away from throwing my own Gilmore girls intervention but one more thing about them with food: the meat-to-bun ratio at Luke's Diner isn't bad it's fucking criminal and Luke deserves to have his ears boxed by a fucking cartoon kangaroo for this bullshit; I mean ffs is that motherfucker a bun top or a hat? 😡😡😡😡