Sunday, July 26, 2026
The Coffee from Hell
The only negative thing about my bff Scooter's week-long stay with me is that I wasn't able to go to Panera 6 times a day like I have for the past year; my apartment is so tiny that every time I made any motion at all he'd jerk his face up at me with those hopeful eyes "OMG ARE WE GOING OUTSIDE NOW ARE WE GOING OUTSIDE NOW YES YES YES PLEASE ARE WE GOING OUTSIDE NOW??!?!?" so leaving him alone every two hours for a coupla minutes just felt cruel.
So I had to break out my coffeemaker for the first time since I got on the Panera teat and now my question is, has my coffee maker been Satan this entire time?
I Am Worried, People.
Moi Say Moi back in April:
8. if this makes a ton of money are we gonna see a string of “hyper-specific stories based on cartoon nostalgia”? Yosemite Sam is involved in a school shooting, Pepé le Pew gets accused of date rape? Or rape?
I have no worries that I'll enjoy it, I know there'll be plenty of genuine laughs throughout, I feel like I know this almost for sure.
BUT.
If this thing’s a smash hit it’ll unleash an unending blizzard of movies using the Looney Toons IP, which is obviously the plan, in a way that could make the whole Goddam Marvel Movie Takeover seem quaint. The temptations are just too great for them to resist once the cash starts flowing in - how many possible scenarios are there of ABSURDLY LARGE COLLECTION OF RED-HOT CELEBRITIES HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES ON THE MOVIE SET matched up with BELOVED & ULTRA-FAMOUS CARTOON CHARACTERS THAT CAN LITERALLY DO WHATEVER THE WRITERS WANT THEM TO DO, maybe whatever a bazillion times another bazillion is, that many different scenarios?
It’ll just suck all of joy out of what COULD be a great movie franchise, but you know they’re grind it into the beyond-shitty mediocrity nobody deserves to have to watch.
I’m probably jealous, I wish I could do one of these although my one caveat would be we can’t be bringing in the whole goddam Looney Toons universe; if the thing’s about Foghorn Leghorn then it can only be about Foghorn Leghorn, none of the “oh oh 2nd act’s dragging a bit so we better bring in Bugs!” bullshit that 100% will be happening with these flicks.
Oh well. So to sum up: while it’s never occurred to me to think about a movie this way before, I hope it’s hilarious but bombs.
We Are All Random Film Stars
Capturing shit on film is kinda weird anyway, isn't it? I mean, who knows where you might be in a picture somewhere. Some family from North Dakota get their picture taken on the Boardwalk, you happen to be walking behind them and there you are, on some mantle in a room in a house in a town you'll never even know exists. Maybe in 1983 you took a picture, and beside a tree in the picture happened to be a girl you end up meeting and marrying 20 years later. Same with movies - e.g. the last scene of "Valley Girl," when the camera pulls away, showing the LA freeway packed with cars. What if you were in one of those cars? There you are, on film forever. - XMASTIME, 2008
Nostalgia can be nice but it can also turn cold like the opening to A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man so I don't wanna go too far down the rabbit hole of these random old home movies of New York City that are suddenly popping up everywhere ("everywhere"....by that I mean "YouTube") like the one I rather brilliantly commented on yesterday, but they do remind of something I've been banging on about over the years & culminating with now believing that AI will be able to find every instance of every video/photo we might randomly be in; eventually, every person will have their own Inadvertent Shutterfly Albums (whoa whoa whoa did I just invent a business???LOOKING FOR INVESTORS PEOPLE 💰💰💰💰!!!).
There’s such a thrill to it all but with the shadow of melancholy drowning most of it out, but I keep getting pulled & pulled into wondering if there’s some sort of meaningful story out there that I’m chasing.
Probably not.
But you never know?
I Blame My Goddaughter...
...for the recent Gilmore Girls addiction I can't seem to spin myself out of; for some reason I've never really watched the pilot episode or most of the first season, and I just watched the scene in the pilot with Lorelei asking her parents for the money for Chilton so I have a few thoughts:
1. to whomever did this to Emily’s hair: I will find you. And I will destroy you.
2. why does Richard repeatedly do a smug, seen-it-all-before “you need money?” thing when isn’t the whole point that she DOESN’T come to them for money? Which is confirmed seconds later by Emily…so why have Richard go on & on about it like that? 🤔
3. how can their liquor table setup have an ice bowl with like 5 ice cubes? Wouldn’t they melt after about 10 minutes so you’d hafta be swapping them out constantly; is this why they go through so many maids? 🤔
4. I understand they have no relationship but why are the parents so mean about her going to business class, wouldn’t that be the one thing that would perk Mr. Business McBusinessy’s ears up, one thing he could connect with her over? Is this shades of a few seasons later when Luke craps all over Jess for being a great employee at Wal-Mart? 🤔
5. What is it about rich people & big oil paintings of themselves; there’s also one in the opening scene of Schitt’s Creek - is this the official “you should know these people are crazy rich” signal tv likes to give us? 🤔
6. If Chilton needs the tuition check “immediately” to save her spot for Monday, how can Lorelei get it to them in time if she doesn’t get the check until late Friday night? 🤔
2. why does Richard repeatedly do a smug, seen-it-all-before “you need money?” thing when isn’t the whole point that she DOESN’T come to them for money? Which is confirmed seconds later by Emily…so why have Richard go on & on about it like that? 🤔
3. how can their liquor table setup have an ice bowl with like 5 ice cubes? Wouldn’t they melt after about 10 minutes so you’d hafta be swapping them out constantly; is this why they go through so many maids? 🤔
4. I understand they have no relationship but why are the parents so mean about her going to business class, wouldn’t that be the one thing that would perk Mr. Business McBusinessy’s ears up, one thing he could connect with her over? Is this shades of a few seasons later when Luke craps all over Jess for being a great employee at Wal-Mart? 🤔
5. What is it about rich people & big oil paintings of themselves; there’s also one in the opening scene of Schitt’s Creek - is this the official “you should know these people are crazy rich” signal tv likes to give us? 🤔
6. If Chilton needs the tuition check “immediately” to save her spot for Monday, how can Lorelei get it to them in time if she doesn’t get the check until late Friday night? 🤔
Questions. I Have Them.
When will Don Letts finally give us the Equals documentary we deserve? 🤔🤷♂️😡🎸🕺
Saturday, July 25, 2026
Here's to Scooter!
I just finished hosting Scooter for a week & I'll have a fun little video about it all at some point, but right now I'm just missing my little buddy. SCOOOOOOOOOOT!!! 🤗❤️🐶🥲
Let it Go, Let it Go
Every time I see this outside my building I think it's somehow connected to this Pogues album cover & I mean for fuck's sake I need to just let it go already, people.
OMG!!!! Speaking of the Importance of Music in Film...
...as I was earlier today, I was about to close out the tab on the video I'd found and WHAT DO YOU KNOW, turns out my instincts with this clip were dead on as here's a note in the description from the person who posted the video on YouTube:
This is a home movie and the music was the original music added to the Super 8mm film by the person who shot it. Although it doesn't fit the time period it was their personal choice and as such I decided to keep it true to their edit.Sweet, horrible vindication for your ol' pal Xmastime!! In a war he'd never forget, probably because it never happened!! I am now curtsying your applause, people of Earth.
Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime
The Byrds are for people who aren't smart enough to like Dylan & don't rock enough to like The Beatles.
Speaking of Trojan Records...
…as I was earlier today, I took the trouble to combine the list of the 20 greatest Trojan Records songs I'd gotten from my new BFF ChatGPT (hi ChatGPT 👋👋👋!!!) with songs from one of my all-time most cherished of cherished compilation albums, the first Trojan Records 20 Reggae Classics; after knocking out the redundant songs it all made for a 32-song playlist that is absolutely brilliant, all-killer-no-filler, and absolutely a desert island playlist for me. I LOVE THIS!! 🤗🎸❤️🇯🇲🇬🇧
Speaking of Paul McCartney Playing Bass...
...as I was earlier today, here's one of those "the Internet is insane and we love it" moments: Paul McCartney in some random-ass video showing us how to play the bass for one of the few solo Macca songs I like, Ever Present Past (tho I hate that he's not playing with a pick.)
Enjoy!
Let the Record Show...
...that in an English Lit class while in college I had the chutzpah to fill up half a line with a Vinnie Barbarino classic. 🤗🤣🤣🤣
ALSO: dafuck was my handwriting leaning to left like that? I don't remember writing that way - I'd remember having to manipulate my wrist that much (heh heh heh DAMMIT LADIES NOT NOW!), and I don't remember ever having fantasies about being left-handed, but hey 🤷♂️ the 1990s guys, am I right?
Hell why not, here's one of my favorite songs from the 1990s. You're welcome, Earth!
Xmastime...Honorary Python?
In the FANTASTIC Monty Python documentary Monty Python: Almost the Truth (Lawyers Cut) Terry Jones talks about the difference music made in the movie, to the point that it seems 100% likely we'd never have seen the flick if he hadn't figured out how to make the music work.
THANK YOU TERRY JONES!!
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "are you capable of proving this theory yourself, therein putting you in the same company as Terry Jones who oh hold on was only a member of Monty Python?"
Sigh. Yes I am, faithful readers, YES I am:
I took a clip from the maybe-is-maybe-isn't-but-definitely-should-be mesmerizing New York Christmas 1976 - Super 8mm, which I'm grateful to have somehow stumbled into, and removed the music, therein presenting you people with two different movies: the ridiculous, and the hauntingly beautiful.
THANK YOU TERRY JONES!!
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "are you capable of proving this theory yourself, therein putting you in the same company as Terry Jones who oh hold on was only a member of Monty Python?"
Sigh. Yes I am, faithful reader
I took a clip from the maybe-is-maybe-isn't-but-definitely-should-be mesmerizing New York Christmas 1976 - Super 8mm, which I'm grateful to have somehow stumbled into, and removed the music, therein presenting you people with two different movies: the ridiculous, and the hauntingly beautiful.
THE RIDICULOUS:
THE HAUNTINGLY BEAUTIFUL:
BREAKING: Paul McCartney Is a Great Bass Player
Smugly letting everybody know that you know that the best drummer in The Beatles was Macca is a tiresome trope soaked deeply in de riguer, but the last line in this paragraph seems overlooked:
…by default, Paul took over the most difficult instrument to play with any originality in a rock 'n' roll band: the bass guitar.
Even with all of his incredible songwriting & singing and incredible ear for melody & arrangement, McCartney's bass is what was the differentiator between The Beatles and so many other great bands (to say nothing of how ridiculous it was he even put that much effort into the thing in the first place).
A coupla years ago I told my bff ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋) I was putting The Moment Paul McCartney Agreed to Play Bass on my Top 5 Beatles Moments I Wish I Could've Seen list and here's what he said:
This is a sneaky all-timer."But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn’t you back in 2021 broach the subject of a movie based on the moment this musical revolution kicked off, presumably what will surely be decades before anybody else catches up?”
It’s not sexy, but it’s foundational. Without that: No Hofner identity
No melodic bass revolution
No “second lead instrument” approach
It’s basically the moment the band’s sound ceiling gets raised.
👉 This is the kind of pick historians respect and casual fans overlook. Strong.
Sigh. Yes I did, faithful reader
A better version of the movie Yesterday (which I reviewed here) would be revisiting the fateful moment when Paul picked up the bass after Stuart Sutcliffe left the band. Normally, John being the inferior guitar player would mean he'd be relegated to being the bass player, but him being the leader of the band allowing him to refuse, leaving it to Paul, forever changed the future of the band and rock and roll itself, as Paul went on to become the most inventive bass player of all time. With John on bass, how different would The Beatles have turned out?
I'd watch that movie!
Let me reiterate, 5 years later: I'd watch that movie!
Trojan Records Top 20?
I asked my new BFF ChatGPT (hi ChatGPT 👋👋👋!!!) to list the 20 greatest songs on Trojan Records & I'll be honest, it's a great list. I marked my Top 5 in green and since I'm such a fucking great guy I went thru the trouble of creating a Spotify playlist for you people YES PEOPLE YOU ARE IN FACT VERY WELCOME!!!
WE ❤️ SUCH BRAVE GIRLS
I've been banging on about how incredible Such Brave Girls is and it's only just now I'm realizing that the two sisters on the show are sisters in real life, which makes total sense since this video of them doing a Q & A is funnier than 90% of shows I've seen in recent years. They seem to be the exact archetypes they play in the show; I'd definitely pay to watch a show of them in real life as well.
SUPER BONUS: screen time with director Simon Bird, who of course was Will in The Inbetweeners! 🤗🕺🤣🇬🇧
Also I'm in love with Kat Sadler DAMMIT THERE I SAID IT!!!!
\Friday, July 24, 2026
The 2026 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner
The world is a worse place because he inhabits it, but Trump's insane flop-sweating off-the-rails performance should win an Emmy, it's funnier than any stand-up special I've seen all year. Incredible.
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