Friday, March 06, 2026
Questions. I Have Them.
I understand it's a different "Popeye" but how does a fast-food chicken place which rather feverishly highlights its Southern "soul food" roots any chance it gets be called Popeyes & not serve spinach? 🤔🤷♂️
RIP Lou Holtz
The amount of information in books I've read that has flowed in & out of my pretty little head without sticking even for a moment is probably stupefying, but something I've always remembered from a Lou Holtz book I read my freshman year of college (which was in 1990; I’m sure they started printing copies of the book as the clock was ticking down in the West Virginia game) is that while someone’s foot speed may too slow to play tight end, it can be faster than most offensive lineman, therein turning a seeming liability into an asset with a quick position switch. This has popped into my head over the years as a professional creative with a surprisingly high level of effectiveness. His 1988 national title is my favorite college football team of all time - and that's probably not changing anytime soon since I watch about 4 minutes of college football every decade now - and while that team, had a million star players (including my favorite, Michael Stonebreaker) there was no question who was the biggest star, and why that star was the one & only Lou Holtz.
Thursday, March 05, 2026
Questions. I Have Them.
I haven’t really followed/cared about whatever happened at the BAFTAs with the guy who had Tourette’s but how can it possibly be that Saturday Night Live's never done a sketch with a quarterback who has Tourette’s? 🤔🤷♂
RARE XMASTIME BONUS - let's go all the way back to 2007 when I called bullshit on Tourette's!!! 😲😲😲😲Questions. I Have Them.
Who was the last theater critic who gave John Wilkes Booth a bad review? 🤔🤷♂️
I Mean...
...it’s not as if anything in American history has ever gone wrong because of a guy with two first names. 🤷♂️
Questions. I Have Them.
Why does Batman live in a cave? How much easier can he possibly make it for his enemies to find him; “okay guys listen up we’re looking for the only bat cave on the planet not built by bats that’s big enough to house an eccentric billionaire and is close enough to be in downtown Gotham City within minutes by car OH look there it is, thanks.” Wouldn’t living in LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT AN ELABORATE BAT CAVE be smarter? 🤔🤷♂️
Wednesday, March 04, 2026
An Open Letter to the Bakery Section at Wegmans Downstairs
Dear Bakery Section at Wegmans Downstairs,
If you don't put some goddam walnuts on these cookies and call them Beez Nuts then I am going to lose. my. god. dam. mind.
I remain,
Xmastime
Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime
I have no idea what CEOs do & I don't really care what CEOs do but if you're the CEO of McDonald's and you're getting the kind of money I'm assuming the CEO of McDonald's gets & you're not able to shove a fucking burger down your throat with a goddam smile on your face then I'm not really sure you should be the CEO of McDonald's.
Potemkin Thoughts. I Have Them.
Everything I've heard or read about Trump over the last decade suggests that if we just put fake news channels on all the White house televisions the world today would be a much, much better place.
I Can't Fucking Believe
I can't fucking believe there's never been a sitcom about a small town school board – the archetypes of the board members being the rock foundation of comedy while an endless stream of town characters can filter in and out of meetings as you please; the small-town gossip & backstabbing politics are low-hanging fruit just begging to be plucked from the tree of comedy here, people!
Tuesday, March 03, 2026
Monday, March 02, 2026
Sunday, March 01, 2026
That Thing You Better @#$%ing Do, People!
According to my bff ChatGPT yesterday when I asked what day would make the moment at which we'll be an equal number of days since the release of That Thing You Do! as we were before it back to The Beatles invading America:
To match the 11,928 days from the Beatles landing in America → That Thing You Do! release:
You needed 1,189 more days beyond February 28, 2026.
✅ Equality date: June 1, 2029
On that day, the time from That Thing You Do! (Oct 4, 1996) to then will exactly equal the time from the Beatles’ U.S. arrival (Feb 7, 1964) to the movie’s release.
If I find we're nearing June 1, 2029, and I'm not sensing that enough of you people are making a big enough deal about this then I am going to flip the fuck out on you people, I swear to god.
GREAT MOMENTS IN BACKGROUND ACTING, with Xmastime
I've featured some pretty incredible background work in my GREAT MOMENTS IN BACKGROUND ACTING, with Xmastime series and I promise to continue to do so even tho this performance by Max Castella in HBO’s “How’d they fuck this up?” Vinyl in 2016 should immediately declare the whole thing obsolete.
It doesn’t REALLY count because Castella’s actually in the scene and has lines, but every look and movement he makes behind Bobby Cannavale throughout should be hung in the rafters of the goddam Hall of Fame - to be honest, while plenty of his spoken lines really ARE great, I'd cut all of them before I'd cut a frame of his background work in this scene. Incredible. You people know I'd pay to watch Bobby Cannavale read the phone book, and Castella blows him away here even while Cannavale's doing "peak" Cannavale.
GREAT MOMENTS IN BACKGROUND ACTING, with Xmastime SCORE: Not applicable
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