JEOPARDY! Final Update:

Nope, couldn't get it done. Total choke job. 😞😞😢😢

JEOPARDY! Update #1

Halfway there after Round 1 but no room for error; I do not like my chances here.😬

Tonight, on JEOPARDY!

Can Xmastime finish out his week by finally getting to 30 correct answers, i.e. 50%?? FINGERS CROSSED EVERYBODY, will keep you posted!!

It's Official, Everybody...

...it is I who am the cleverest boy there is in all the land!!! 🤗🤗🤗🤗

THE Greatest Moment of My Life?

I just caught this way out of the corner of my eye and for s split second I thought "OMG are they selling Cheetos dust by the bag now yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssss!!!"

😬😬😬😬

OMG🤣🤣🤣🤣 du Jour

I AM SO JEALOUS I DIDN'T COME UP WITH THIS!!!!!!!! (click thru them all!!) 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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I HAVE JUST ABOUT HAD IT

I'm still in shock that a few years ago someone botched the Hank Williams biopic by somehow making him a boring motherfucker and now, from what I've witnessed throughout the first two episodes, HBO (or MAX whatthefuckever I still call it HBO and you do too) is doing the exact thing with Pete Rose. How do you take this lunatic who can't keep his mouth shut for decades and still somehow make it so that after about 10 minutes I'm bored to tears?

AND THEY EVEN DID THE SAME THING WITH GEORGE JONES FOR CHRISSAKE!!!

Questions. I Have Them.

Have the incidents of people being outraged at someone in an elevator for thinking they refused to hold the door for them when the fact is the person never heard them shouting at them to hold the door in the first place because everybody's always got headphones on at all times now?  🤔 🤷

Yes America, It’s the $%@! Guns

ENGLAND
Total # of years any Beatle has lived there: 260
Total # of Beatles shot to death by a gun: 0

USA
Total # of years any Beatle has lived there: 9
Total # of Beatles shot to death by a gun: 1

A Review of Pizza Hut's New "Tavern-Style" Pizza

THE PIZZA: C-
THE PIZZA WHEN MADE INTO A PIZZA SANDWICH: B-

Also, they should save money on the bullshit "Tavern" thing & just call this what it is, "thin crust".

Thanks for the Help, All-Star

I mean I'm not a plumber but I'm pretty sure that's the order I would've gone with too?

On JD fucking Vance

I always assume everybody else is smarter than me and I REALLY assume anyone who went to Yale is smarter than me, and so even after being vaguely disappointed when JD Vance's Hillbilly Elegy came out and then watching him look like a total fucking dipshit every time he opened his mouth I still find myself surprised to see he'd stroll so gung-ho into the Trump Trap, the latest in a now-long line of "oh, I'LL be the one who changes him, I'LL be different"...flash forward 5 years and there's JD Vance with his career ruined like Rudy/Pence/insert any of the many generals/chiefs of staff etc Trump went through. The only thing we've learned over the years is that Trump gets away with absolutely EVERYTHING, but those tainted by him are never that lucky.

But hey, good luck on being "The One", JD.

Every Fucking Word

Hooooly shit you guys wanna see a dead body pic.twitter.com/q00rKtUJUq

— Jessica (Ka) Burbank (@JessicaLBurbank) July 26, 2024

Well Hello Ladies...

Garfield du Jour

I've never commented on any of these before, but how disappointing is it that in the last frame Garfield doesn't do one of his patented smarmy "Jon just stepped in it" looks directed at the audience? Maybe Davis hadn't developed that yet, just over a year into the strip? 🤔 🤷‍♂️

THINGS I LIKE: The Audio Series

On April 30, 2022 I started a daily series in which I would simply list one thing hat I like every day for an entire year. I've decided to started a short podcast, just a minute or two every day, going through each entry day-by-day for the next year. Enjoy!

Day 10: THE GREEN TYPE IN HULU’S SEARCH BAR

PREVIOUS ENTRIES HERE

Hear Me Out:

Beatles songs, but in Boston accents.

Statements. I Make Them.

We're never gonna grow up as a goddam country as long as we have grown-ass men referring to chicken nuggets as "nugs". 😡😡😡😡

State du moi

I understand that age takes its toll on the human body but my piss stream is way better than it's ever been, so you tell me? 🤔 🤷‍♂️

I Got the Broke-Down No Count Goddam Escalator Blues, Baby

DAFUCK this morning TWO fucking escalators weren't working?? I mean for fuck's sake DC Metro?!?!?!? 😡😡😡😡

I commute to work three days a week on the DC Metro & it is INCREDIBLY rare to go the entire three days without AT LEAST one of the escalators not working; here's one TWO!! from today. Fucking grrrrrrrrrr. 😡😡😡😡

CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS ESCALATOR BULLSHIT

Xmastime on Men

I'd assume my definition of what a "man" is has changed over the course of my many years, with the only constant being my not really giving a shit, but one thing I've noticed from years of observation is how "manly" Republican men want you to think they are despite the fact that their Toddler King is the biggest fucking pussy ever put on this Earth, and the biggest loudmouths about this shit (Josh Hawley, for instance) are generally the most pussy-fied ones as well. Their cult following of Trump is so crazy that besides wearing tampons on their ears for him, over the years I've seen so many Republican men cuckold themselves so badly in the name of Trump's "manliness" that they turned into weird Bill Brasky-style side characters basically begging Trump to come fuck their wives for them. Meanwhile of course I'm accused of being some sort of pink-fairy hippy because I don't think you need to shoot puppies to show your inherent toughness.

So I agree with David Frum that when it comes to masculinity, Republicans have become everything they once accused Democrats of being:

Republicans have become full-on hysterics, screaming about voting machines and Hunter Biden and drag queens while trying to impeach Kamala Harris for … being female while on duty, or something. John Adams once said of George Washington that he had “the gift of silence.” I wish some Republican men had it. My ears have had to endure GOP officials who cannot stop talking—the streams of gibberish from Trump, the self-contradicting sophism of Lindsey Graham, the babbling of the insufferable Vivek Ramaswamy.

I also know this: The real men are not the ones who have to keep crowing about manliness and putting down women. Real men serve their nation, their community, and their family, and unlike Trump and his elected Republican coterie, they do it without whining or demanding credit.

Of course it's fun to make fun of their deluded sense of "manhood", and their little-dick fantasies of springing out out of bed to blow away a burglar & save their families has definitely led to even more of an explosion of guns that we normally would have living in a gun-obsessed country. But there's also something very obvious about why they always go back to guys like Clint Eastwood, Robert Mitchum or John Wayne as their model for manliness...as in, guys who dressed up & pretended to be tough whenever there was a camera pointing at them. 

Xmastime Dictionary

STUFFOCATE

[stuhf-uh-keyt] 

Verb (used with object), suf·fo·cat·ed, suf·fo·cat·ing.

To feel oppressed due to a lack of Stove Top stuffing in one's general area

"Xmastime was feeling very stuffocated when the lady filming his most recent mother/daughter threesome fuck sesh refused to take more than three Stove Top stuffing breaks throughout the shoot."

THINGS I LIKE: The Audio Series

On April 30, 2022 I started a daily series in which I would simply list one thing hat I like every day for an entire year. I've decided to started a short podcast, just a minute or two every day, going through each entry day-by-day for the next year. Enjoy!

Day 10: ROADRUNNER (MODERN LOVERS)

PREVIOUS ENTRIES HERE

Goals. I Have Them.

I want to open a restaurant where the menu is 100% based on Cumin being the main ingredient for everything.

Insta du Jour