Wednesday, August 05, 2026
Xmastime Confessions: Kamala, Part II
I guess there's a lot of reasons one could have for wanting Kamala Harris to run for president again, and if I'm being 100% honest right now I'd hafta admit that my reason would be how much fun it would be watching Republicans twisting themselves in knots trying to purposefully mispronounce "Harris" this time around.
Xmastime Confessions
I guess there's a lot of reasons one could have for not wanting Kamala Harris to run for president again, and if I'm being 100% honest right now I'd hafta admit that my reason would be the fact that I'm 100% confident I'm pronouncing her name correctly exactly 0% of the time.
Tuesday, August 04, 2026
A Few Thoughts on Tonight's Season 5 Premiere Epsiode of TED LASSO
WARNING: THESE ARE AS I TYPED THEM, I WILL NOT BE EDITING THESE TOUGH LUCK LOSERS
44 minutes long???? Right off the bat, strike 6 😡
“my king’= automatic LOL
I love grocery stores
That blond checker girl is hilarious
Ted says “see ya next week” to his boss? what kind of job is this?
“elementary” his kid's in elementary school? Dafuck?
How is Ted’s wife way better looking than before? She’s “exhausted from work’ but looks great?
7:52 panic - is there not gonna be anyone else but Ted??? Literally as I was thinking this everyone else showed up 8:06
Higgins has my New Balances!!!
How idyllic was his house outside setting? Curious.
Higgins chewing and chewing bit was great, like his moving his office shit
Has ted really not spoken to these people in 3 years? At all?
I understand the plot device but camon?
This could’ve been a Zoom call.
“Have a seat mBappe” got a legit lol
Really? This pee wee soccer coach doesn’t want any advice from a premier league coach or whatever? Really?
So him moms a psycho.
Is Keely a bird?
The woman with the twang in that clothing store was hilarious. More!!!
Tammy!
Higgins trip to NLMLB thing was sweet and I love it but….why?
Ted hates having to do incredibly tiny chores for his mother?
Thousands of people are really going to women's soccer games in Kansas City? Its like a battle of the bands on tv.
Ted’s very nonplussed considering they showed up like that.
Can’t do a clogged toilet joke with Rebecca Ted. Camon. Too classy.
Seriously do these people not communicate with each other, ever?
Be great if the only reason his kid cleaned his bedroom is because Ted beat the shit out of him.
George Brett jersey! Yes!
Earl! You’ve been missed. 🐶 #rip
Wow lets move to London after thinking about it for ten seconds sure why not.
I hate his wife and kid.
Current Events
I worry that the news has been touting “the GOP is gonna get destroyed in November!” for so long now that it’s gonna be Peyton Manning-d into not happening:
As soon as the 1996 Heisman winner was announced, everybody in the free world said well, next year Peyton will run away with it. A no-brainer. The months went on and on and all anybody talked about was how Peyton was definitely gonna win the award. Then a funny thing happened. People got tired of talking about him being the only choice. Even though he clearly deserved to win it, people simply got tired of talking about him and started looking for reasons to vote for somebody else, anybody else. The average voter thought fuck it, I'm tired of hearing about Peyton - I'll vote for so and so; it's only one vote anyway, Peyton will still win. And ta-da! Even though he should've, he didn't win.
Questions. I Have Them.
Is recyclables bag juice dripping on the way to the trash room better than trash-bag jiuce dripping on the way to the trash room ? 🤔 🤷♂️
Monday, August 03, 2026
The Irish I Mean Amirite? 🇮🇪
I think in the very back recesses of my ragged old brain I may have once known the fact that the Titanic was built in Ireland, but I never made any connection with it until earlier today when I heard this expression for the first time:
I used an image of a random coffee mug with the saying on it to highlight the fact that apparently it’s been famous for decades & decades, much to my own sweet oblivion.
So has it ever occurred to anybody to seriously consider the whole thing was ser up by the Irish, whose problems with the British were cresting at the time they were building the Titanic?
Can we turn this into a funny Netflix series at least, people???
LOOKING FOR INVESTORS EVERYBODY💰💰💰💰
So has it ever occurred to anybody to seriously consider the whole thing was ser up by the Irish, whose problems with the British were cresting at the time they were building the Titanic?
Can we turn this into a funny Netflix series at least, people???
LOOKING FOR INVESTORS EVERYBODY💰💰💰💰
Sunday, August 02, 2026
TWF...
...you've duct-taped a remote to the back of its tv like you're at Nakatomi Plaza & that Argyle motherfucker's not answering his goddam phone.
Meanwhile, at Wegmans
My "what aisle are these in?" joke to the women pushing a grocery cart with two toddlers in it got exactly (checks notes)(checks notes again) zero laughs.
Xmastime Confessions
My freakish decade-long inability to connect my phone to a speaker via Bluetooth is really starting to take a toll on my self-esteem.
MONOPOLY!
It's always been de rigeur to hate Monopoly and my goddaughter & I seem to be the only people left on Earth who like playing it so it's kind of bitchily validating for me to see this guy saying everybody would like it more if they’d shut the fuck up & play it the right way:
FREE PARKING - this is the absolute worst & I fight it every chance I get. You're cruising to a win; you’ve done everything right & are enjoying slowly destroying your opponent like a boa constrictor BUT OH NO what do you know they happened to stumble into FREE PARKING and oh look there happens to be $2K in there so BLAMMO! they're back in the game; unforgivable. Firm NO.
PROPERTY AUCTIONS EVERY TIME SOMEONE CHOOSES NOT TO BUY A PROPERTY THEY'VE LANDED ON: I've never once encountered anyone who's even considered playing this way, although I do take advantage of it when I'm playing on my phone. On this one I break from the real game - it just seems way too late for anyone who's played more than 10 games of Monopoly to ever try playing like this. But I do have to admit to being a hypocrite by going against the very premise of my own manifesto, so I must give it a firm but respectful NO.
LOANS TO OTHER PLAYERS: this can be fun if you’re playing with little kids because they're idiots who'll fall for anything, but otherwise it's a firm NO; the thing really would never end if you’re allowed to do this shit.
$400 FOR LANDING ON GO: unlike FREE PARKING I've always been indifferent on this one, for some reason I don’t seem to notice/care as much. Maybe because $400 is never really gonna enough to really swing a game? Again – a respectful, calling-me-out-on-my-own-bullshit MAYBE.
So it turns out I’m a little more full of shit about my oh-so-firm Monopoly principles but hey, at least I’ll play with anyone who asks me.
For one, nobody is supposed to collect money by landing on Free Parking. It’s meant to be an ordinary blank space, offering reprieve from the vultures waiting around the corner. Similarly, nowhere in the rulebook does it tell you to pile cash on the center of the board. Any money lost from ill-fated draws of the Chance or Community Chest deck goes back to the bank. Also, if a player chooses not to buy an available property after landing on it, that card immediately goes up for auction, with a starting bid of $1—allowing for massive swings of fate, like scoring a huge discount on Park Place. There are no loans to be taken, no debts to be offered. Money can’t be donated to unlucky players. And you should not, under any circumstances, collect $400 for landing on Go.MY POLICIES ON EACH:
All of these rules are clearly printed in the manual, but the problem is that no one—and I do mean no one—ever reads it. Instead, we learn an inaccurate version of the game from a parent or an uncle and pass it down the chain, further metastasizing the distortions across the country. This is what frustrates Monopoly die-hards most of all. They are of the opinion that the most famous board game in the world has been unfairly stigmatized essentially due to user error. And if we purged those faulty instincts—if we played by the book—something unprecedented would happen: Monopoly would become fun.
FREE PARKING - this is the absolute worst & I fight it every chance I get. You're cruising to a win; you’ve done everything right & are enjoying slowly destroying your opponent like a boa constrictor BUT OH NO what do you know they happened to stumble into FREE PARKING and oh look there happens to be $2K in there so BLAMMO! they're back in the game; unforgivable. Firm NO.
PROPERTY AUCTIONS EVERY TIME SOMEONE CHOOSES NOT TO BUY A PROPERTY THEY'VE LANDED ON: I've never once encountered anyone who's even considered playing this way, although I do take advantage of it when I'm playing on my phone. On this one I break from the real game - it just seems way too late for anyone who's played more than 10 games of Monopoly to ever try playing like this. But I do have to admit to being a hypocrite by going against the very premise of my own manifesto, so I must give it a firm but respectful NO.
LOANS TO OTHER PLAYERS: this can be fun if you’re playing with little kids because they're idiots who'll fall for anything, but otherwise it's a firm NO; the thing really would never end if you’re allowed to do this shit.
$400 FOR LANDING ON GO: unlike FREE PARKING I've always been indifferent on this one, for some reason I don’t seem to notice/care as much. Maybe because $400 is never really gonna enough to really swing a game? Again – a respectful, calling-me-out-on-my-own-bullshit MAYBE.
So it turns out I’m a little more full of shit about my oh-so-firm Monopoly principles but hey, at least I’ll play with anyone who asks me.
WOW Sunday New York Times...
...now here's a hairy motherfucker who doesn't know how to read a goddam room. 😬
Sometimes I Scare Myself with My Own Genius
Should-be Hold Steady song lyric:
"And she said man every song on Sandinista!PREVIOUS HOLD STEADY GENIUS FROM XMASTIME HERE
is either utterly brilliant or 1-877-Kars-4-Kids,
And then she puked blue raspberry Slurpee all over my Chucks"
An Xmastime 🔥 Hot Take 🔥 on FATHER TED
Father Jack's a much-beloved character & while I get that it works if you're watching the show on the old "drops one episode a week for six weeks before disappearing for a year or two" model, but if you're binging the show on a streaming service decades after it originally aired, you get tired of Father Jack pretty quickly & secretly start to wonder if the show would benefit from cutting almost all of his bits.
But I would never say that, of course. 🇮🇪
WE LOVE YOU FATHER TED! 🤗🤣🇮🇪❤️
Long Time Coming
I need someone to put together a great documentary series on Sam Cooke's soaring classic A Change is Gonna Come:
1. the only time he ever performed the song was on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson on February 7, 1964...which just happens to be the exact same day The Beatles landed in America, setting off a seismic shift in music & culture forever
2. wait - it was a B-side???? And yes B is supposed to be capitalized for dramatic effect
3. why did it take 11 months to be released as a single?
4. Cooke never performed the song again, partly because of the heavy, ominous nature of the song
5. it was finally prepped to be released as a single in December - again, 11 months after being recorded - but Cooke was murdered 2 weeks before that release date
6. meaning...was Cooke right to be so spooked by the song, the very song he'd written himself, and then...was proven right to be so spooked?
7. has anyone connected this series of events to the Civil Rights Movement’s adoption of the song?
8. Cooke was murdered on December 11 and the single was finally released on December 22...so could the Beatles connection I mentioned earlier go even deeper with their own strange connection to the number 11 that I pointed out a coupla years ago? (okay maybe this would be the internet-only episode)
Camon Netflix get on this!!
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