PRINCE HARRY & THE DUCHESS OF SUSSEX TELL HOWARD COSELL ABOUT THEIR UPCOMING PLANS
Watch Previous SNOWFLAKE IN CHIEF Films Here
Sunday, September 13, 2026
Xmastime Films
Questions. I Have Them.
A day is defined as being 24 hours, the average length of the period during which the earth makes one rotation on its axis, but is also divided into two parts named "day" and "night" which are generally of equal value; is there any other example of a word that's broken down such that one of its own subsets is the exact same word? 🤔🤷♂️
Sometimes I Scare Myself with My Own Genius
Should-be Hold Steady song lyric:
"And she said man you know I heart Johnny Thunders foreverPREVIOUS HOLD STEADY GENIUS FROM XMASTIME HERE
But isn't You Can't Put Your Arms Around a Memory a ripoff of Lonely Planet Boy?
And then she puked Mango Tropical Twist Slurpee all over my Chucks."
NEW XMASTIME SERIES! Same Title, Different Forms: The Grades
TO SIR, WITH LOVE
Book C-
Movie B
Song A
Moi Say Moi in 2012:
To Sir with Love is an incredibly shitty novel - the author never misses a chance to spend a page and a half perceptibly detailing the clothes, makeup, hair, lipstick, shoes, hose, shoes now, hose in relation to the shoes, hair as she's talking, lipstick as she's talking and shoes as she enters and leaves the room of a character that WE'LL NEVER, EVER HEAR FROM AGAIN!!!!!!! Fucking maddening; just as Braveheart could have been 29 minutes long, To Sir with Love could have been a short story were it not for the authors laundry lists of shit that will never matter.
Paging Filmvetter
After 2+ decades of the Marvel Movie Reign of Terror, it looks like we may finally start to dream about the chance of maybe seeing a return to movies that aren't made just for the Happy Meals (no smoke, Mickey D's - call me!):
AMC announced its new distribution venture, Leawood Films, dedicated to getting as many eyes as possible on small and entirely independent movies. Make no mistake: America’s biggest theater chain wading into the indie film distribution business is a bold, risky move that suggests a dedication to both the art of cinema and the curious moviegoer. Sure, being an independent production doesn’t automatically mean that a film is good. But over the last two decades, the already tiny space for indie film has grown even smaller, being phased out by streamers — the place indies go to die — and YouTube.THREE CHEERS TO THIS!!!! 🤗🕺❤️
Given that the current culture is so heavily steeped in brainrot — a recent viral clip of actress Miriam Shor shocking a gaggle of news correspondents by refusing to use ChatGPT is just one bit of proof of our cognitive decline — this return to snobbery couldn’t come at a better time. We’ve all been pushed down a very slippery slope by tech tycoons who want nothing more than to watch us fall in line and succumb to the mental offloading that their products encourage. And one of the primary consequences of this shift is that everything, including our movies and television shows, is getting so much worse. You’ve seen it, I’ve seen it, your second cousin who gets too drunk at every family wedding has seen it. It’s no longer possible to turn a blind eye to the horrible places our culture is headed. If there were any time to turn our noses up in defiance and refuse to engage with anything less than quality, it’s now.
THE OFFICE Business Questions. I Have Them.
Whatever happened to the Hammermill paper account? This could be an account worth millions; Jan barely bats an eye & it's never brought up again...? 🤔 🤷♂️
Via my my BFF ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋):
Via my my BFF ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋):
So what was Michael's deal worth?
There's no canonical figure, but I think a realistic range for Dunder Mifflin companywide would be roughly $1–5 million a year in additional Hammermill sales, with around $2–3 million annually being my best guess.
That isn't $2–3 million of profit. A paper distributor buys the product wholesale and resells it. Using a roughly 20–30% gross-margin range, you're probably talking something like $400,000–$750,000 a year in additional gross profit if Dunder Mifflin could move $2–3 million worth of Hammermill product.
For Michael's Scranton branch alone, I'd peg the opportunity much lower — perhaps $150,000–$400,000 in annual Hammermill revenue, generating something like $30,000–$100,000 of gross profit.
But there's a second benefit that's arguably even more valuable: Hammermill gives the salespeople another weapon against Staples. A customer could previously say, “We use Hammermill, so we have to buy from Staples.” After Michael's deal, Dwight could say, essentially, “We can give you Hammermill too — plus our personal service.” That could bring over the customer's entire office-supply account, not just their Hammermill paper.
So if I were Jan and Michael walked into that convention and casually announced he'd broken Staples' exclusivity with a nationally known paper brand, my reaction would probably be stronger than hers.
My best single-number estimate: Michael created something like a $2.5 million-per-year sales opportunity for Dunder Mifflin, potentially worth $500,000+ a year in gross profit.
If I Lost Mind
Spinnin' has always been my favorite overlooked Soul Asylum song (I remember buying the And the Horse They Rode in On cassette on the campus of William & Mary, although I can't for the life of me remember why I would've been on the campus of William & Mary) and there's just something intimate the way Dave Pirner sings the verses during this semi-goofy-but-totally-great version from the band's series of acoustic videos during the lockdown. (Oh yeah and also these guys aren't left-handed, someone flipped the video I honestly don't know why people do these things but hey 🤷♂️.)
Saturday, September 12, 2026
Friday, September 11, 2026
"Who's Cutting Onions?" du Jour
She's one of the most memorable parts of Nine Innings from Ground Zero, an Xamstime all-time Top 10 sports documentary so I instantly knew who this was about when I read it:
Three days after the tragedy, Saracini wrote a letter to Jeter, telling him that her father would want her to one day realize her dream of meeting him. Jeter responded by inviting Saracini and her family to Yankee Stadium for a game, beginning a friendship that continues 25 years later.
Saracini said Jeter, her favorite player growing up, has helped navigate the grief. The two have remained in touch over the years. She detailed going through a cancer diagnosis with support from Jeter, who sent her a personal voicemail wishing her well and imploring her to stay positive. She said she played the voicemail in the hospital over and over, uplifted by having someone like Jeter in her corner.
A quarter century later, Saracini and Jeter were together again.
Incredible Comedy Sketch du Jour
Not only is it hilarious but its succinctness may be seriously challenged only by my all-time #1, Monty Python's fish-slapping sketch. 🤣🤣🇬🇧
1-Sentence Xmastime Movie Review: Super-rare YouTube Series Edition
After making it thru a grueling 7 of its 26 minutes I now feel 100% confident in reporting the only thing in this turd that’s even remotely watchable is a kid wearing a t-shirt that says “I’m no gynecologist but I’ll take a look.”
A Message for Weird Al Yankovic
Don't say no until you've tried it with a full band: White Riot parodied as White Rice.
You're welcome! 🤗🕺🎸🇬🇧
Thursday, September 10, 2026
Wednesday, September 09, 2026
1-Sentence Xmastime Movie Review: The Inbetweeners (Coming in 2027)
They better not make the same mistake Ed Burns did in his 2025 Brothers McMullen update with newfound families nobody gives a shit about; just give us 90 minutes of these four fucking idiots destroying each other & we’ll be perfectly fine, thank you very much.
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