XMASTIME

Friday, March 06, 2026

I'll Say This.

The only good small talk is elevator small talk because if I can get off a really good joke right away then I can rather furtively hit a button to get off immediately; or course after that I hafta hope nobody else is around to see me stand in front of the elevator I just off like a fucking idiot but the good lord only really gives us all the burden we can handle at once, right?

XMAS YOUR ENTHUSIASM: Wherever You Listen To Better Podcasts

#xmastimerocks2026

Fixed It.

Questions. I Have Them.

I understand it's a different "Popeye" but how does a fast-food chicken place which rather feverishly highlights its Southern "soul food" roots any chance it gets be called Popeyes & not serve spinach? 🤔🤷‍♂️

RIP Lou Holtz

The amount of information in books I've read that has flowed in & out of my pretty little head without sticking even for a moment is probably stupefying, but something I've always remembered from a Lou Holtz book I read my freshman year of college (which was in 1990; I’m sure they started printing copies of the book as the clock was ticking down in the West Virginia game) is that while someone’s foot speed may too slow to play tight end, it can be faster than most offensive lineman, therein turning a seeming liability into an asset with a quick position switch. This has popped into my head over the years as a professional creative with a surprisingly high level of effectiveness. His 1988 national title is my favorite college football team of all time - and that's probably not changing anytime soon since I watch about 4 minutes of college football every decade now - and while that team, had a million star players (including my favorite, Michael Stonebreaker) there was no question who was the biggest star, and why that star was the one & only Lou Holtz.

BREAKING: Nation's Dogs Call Emergency Meeting

Thursday, March 05, 2026

Questions. I Have Them.

I haven’t really followed/cared about whatever happened at the BAFTAs with the guy who had Tourette’s but how can it possibly be that Saturday Night Live's never done a sketch with a quarterback who has Tourette’s? 🤔🤷‍♂

RARE XMASTIME BONUS - let's go all the way back to 2007 when I called bullshit on Tourette's!!! 😲😲😲😲

Questions. I Have Them.

Who was the last theater critic who gave John Wilkes Booth a bad review? 🤔🤷‍♂️

I Mean...

...it’s not as if anything in American history has ever gone wrong because of a guy with two first names. 🤷‍♂️

Questions. I Have Them.

Why does Batman live in a cave? How much easier can he possibly make it for his enemies to find him; “okay guys listen up we’re looking for the only bat cave on the planet not built by bats that’s big enough to house an eccentric billionaire and is close enough to be in downtown Gotham City within minutes by car OH look there it is, thanks.” Wouldn’t living in LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT AN ELABORATE BAT CAVE be smarter? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Wednesday, March 04, 2026

The Closest I'll Ever Come to Being Like Holden Caulfield

Insta du Jour

MUKLUKS: jonphotodump

Still a Good Idea

An Open Letter to the Bakery Section at Wegmans Downstairs

Dear Bakery Section at Wegmans Downstairs,

If you don't put some goddam walnuts on these cookies and call them Beez Nuts then I am going to lose. my. god. dam. mind.

I remain,
Xmastime

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime

I have no idea what CEOs do & I don't really care what CEOs do but if you're the CEO of McDonald's and you're getting the kind of money I'm assuming the CEO of McDonald's gets & you're not able to shove a fucking burger down your throat with a goddam smile on your face then I'm not really sure you should be the CEO of McDonald's.

Potemkin Thoughts. I Have Them.

Everything I've heard or read about Trump over the last decade suggests that if we just put fake news channels on all the White house televisions the world today would be a much, much better place.

I Can't Fucking Believe

I can't fucking believe there's never been a sitcom about a small town school board – the archetypes of the board members being the rock foundation of comedy while an endless stream of town characters can filter in and out of meetings as you please; the small-town gossip & backstabbing politics are low-hanging fruit just begging to be plucked from the tree of comedy here, people!