Anytime Trump has some project he's really itching to make happen he brays on & on about how taxpayers won’t have to pay for it, that a bunch of his kazillionaire buddies are fighting each other for the honor of hurling their own cash into the pile.
So it's weird that he'd be clinging so tightly to the idea that he's frustrated by Congress somehow standing in the way of his "let's pretend to pay the people who stormed the Capital on January 6 a ton of money" $1.8B slush fund happening, all while claiming these people are just incredible American patriots who thought they were enjoying a stroll thru town before having their lives destroyed by, of course, Biden.
He speaks of them as if they're the greatest of American heroes, and yet for some reason this isn’t one of his projects he's itching to have his bazillionaire buddies chip in for, even it's just the laughable (to them) sum of $1.8B.
I just find this interesting is all.
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "by 'I just find this interesting is all' don't you mean you're 100% sure that in the fairly near future you'll be linking to this post with some sort of 'I fucking told you people' theme"?
Sigh. Yes I do, faithful readers, YES I do.
Friday, July 31, 2026
Thursday, July 30, 2026
Wednesday, July 29, 2026
Xmastime Beatle Confessons
It's almost difficult to have a 🔥🔥 HOT TAKE! 🔥🔥 about The Beatles but I hafta admit I've never once actually watched Yellow Submarine; nor have I been tempted to watch it even for a moment. Also, when I was kid the cartoon style was scary to me in a really depressing way, I don’t know why and I’ve never wondered if any other kid thought the same, so that didn’t help. I'm glad they did it, it's fun that they did such a thing & that it exists for our pleasure, but that's about it for me.
Of course in a surprise to exactly nobody ever who’s lived on Planet Earth, the "real" side of soundtrack would've been THE landmark album for 99% of bands who ever banded, and they're just a toss-offs for this crew (including It's All Too Much, which as you know is my all-time # Beatle Tragedy What If? song!!!).
And hell, It's Only a Northern Song makes for TWO incredible George songs on the soundtrack album, so...stuff that up your biscuit, everybody!
NEW SUMMER 2026 PLAN: make "stuff that up your biscuit, everybody!" a thing.
Tuesday, July 28, 2026
Here's to You, Darling
This is audio of the final moments of World War I, or it's supposed to be some sort of ballistics-generated perfect recreation of it or something.
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "isn't this just an excuse for you to post a link to the final scene of Blackadder, arguably the greatest final scene of at sitcom in BBC history?"
Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES it is!
Xmastime Propers
I never dreamed I'd hear a better turn of phrase offered by a basketball announcer than the GOAT Clyde Frazier but tonight for some reason I found myself watching the goddam WNBA & whoever this guy is who says so & so is "able to pizza-pie it home!" made me gasp out loud, shook to my core. 🫡
Also, the 3 minutes I watched was, I hafta say, fantastic. 🤗🏀
Sometimes I Scare Myself with My Own Genius
Should-be Hold Steady lyric:
"And she said man I can’t believe
Lou Reed never wrote a song called
‘Why Can’t My Building's Resident Homeless Junkie Be a Cool Black Guy?’
And then she puked purple Big Gulp all over my Keds"
Lou Reed never wrote a song called
‘Why Can’t My Building's Resident Homeless Junkie Be a Cool Black Guy?’
And then she puked purple Big Gulp all over my Keds"
Dainjerus Video
I'm trying to not get sucked into more of these wildly intoxicating random NYC videos, a little nostalgia is good but even a little too much is poison, so of course I immediately stumbled into this one from March 17, 2000; I think it's the first one I've seen from a day when I was living there & of course I stared at it like my life depended on it for about 2 minutes before snapping out of it. The crazy fat snow doesn’t make quitting any easier & I'm burning a hole through my so-called brain to remember what I was doing that day, but of course I know the idea of spotting anyone I know, much less myself, is absolutely beyond ridiculous.
But as long as my heart beats, I can’t help but whisper only to myself only as loudly as I dare: you never know.
But as long as my heart beats, I can’t help but whisper only to myself only as loudly as I dare: you never know.
Monday, July 27, 2026
WELL Well Well...
...the leaf blower backlash is finally happening and people I am here for it:
When Charles Leak and his wife purchased his home in East Hampton, they thought they'd found an oasis of quiet. About five years after he moved in, the leaf blower roars started.Sounds like some people really got caught up in loving my latest #1 smash single! I am (almost!) humbled, people! 🤗🎸🕺
"You know what a chainsaw sounds like? These are louder. Usually, there are multiple. It becomes a symphony," Leak, who has worked as a contractor and a fine artist, tells me. "It's quieter in the city.
Sunday, July 26, 2026
OKAY Last Equals Thing Today I Promise
THE EQUALS, Baby Come Back live Olympia Theatre, Paris. December 1968
I can't believe I've never seen this before; not only is it The Equals with their classic lineup & Eddy Grant with his blonde hair, but the stage looks like they're playing at my intermediate school gym. 🤣🤣🤣🤣I can't believe this footage is just sitting here. Incredible.
More EQUALS Please!
Moi Say Moi earlier today:
When will Don Letts finally give us the Equals documentary we deserve? 🤔🤷♂️😡🎸🕺
This is just some random dude, but I'm so thirsty for any Equals doc stuff I can get my beady eyes on so we can thank this guy until someone gets to Don Letts dammit!!
The Coffee from Hell
The only negative thing about my bff Scooter's week-long stay with me is that I wasn't able to go to Panera 6 times a day like I have for the past year; my apartment is so tiny that every time I made any motion at all he'd jerk his face up at me with those hopeful eyes "OMG ARE WE GOING OUTSIDE NOW ARE WE GOING OUTSIDE NOW YES YES YES PLEASE ARE WE GOING OUTSIDE NOW??!?!?" so leaving him alone every two hours for a coupla minutes just felt cruel.
So I had to break out my coffeemaker for the first time since I got on the Panera teat and now my question is, has my coffee maker been Satan this entire time?
I Am Worried, People.
Moi Say Moi back in April:
8. if this makes a ton of money are we gonna see a string of “hyper-specific stories based on cartoon nostalgia”? Yosemite Sam is involved in a school shooting, Pepé le Pew gets accused of date rape? Or rape?
I have no worries that I'll enjoy it, I know there'll be plenty of genuine laughs throughout, I feel like I know this almost for sure.
BUT.
If this thing’s a smash hit it’ll unleash an unending blizzard of movies using the Looney Toons IP, which is obviously the plan, in a way that could make the whole Goddam Marvel Movie Takeover seem quaint. The temptations are just too great for them to resist once the cash starts flowing in - how many possible scenarios are there of ABSURDLY LARGE COLLECTION OF RED-HOT CELEBRITIES HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES ON THE MOVIE SET matched up with BELOVED & ULTRA-FAMOUS CARTOON CHARACTERS THAT CAN LITERALLY DO WHATEVER THE WRITERS WANT THEM TO DO, maybe whatever a bazillion times another bazillion is, that many different scenarios?
It’ll just suck all of joy out of what COULD be a great movie franchise, but you know they’re grind it into the beyond-shitty mediocrity nobody deserves to have to watch.
I’m probably jealous, I wish I could do one of these although my one caveat would be we can’t be bringing in the whole goddam Looney Toons universe; if the thing’s about Foghorn Leghorn then it can only be about Foghorn Leghorn, none of the “oh oh 2nd act’s dragging a bit so we better bring in Bugs!” bullshit that 100% will be happening with these flicks.
Oh well. So to sum up: while it’s never occurred to me to think about a movie this way before, I hope it’s hilarious but bombs.
We Are All Random Film Stars
Capturing shit on film is kinda weird anyway, isn't it? I mean, who knows where you might be in a picture somewhere. Some family from North Dakota get their picture taken on the Boardwalk, you happen to be walking behind them and there you are, on some mantle in a room in a house in a town you'll never even know exists. Maybe in 1983 you took a picture, and beside a tree in the picture happened to be a girl you end up meeting and marrying 20 years later. Same with movies - e.g. the last scene of "Valley Girl," when the camera pulls away, showing the LA freeway packed with cars. What if you were in one of those cars? There you are, on film forever. - XMASTIME, 2008
Nostalgia can be nice but it can also turn cold like the opening to A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man so I don't wanna go too far down the rabbit hole of these random old home movies of New York City that are suddenly popping up everywhere ("everywhere"....by that I mean "YouTube") like the one I rather brilliantly commented on yesterday, but they do remind of something I've been banging on about over the years & culminating with now believing that AI will be able to find every instance of every video/photo we might randomly be in; eventually, every person will have their own Inadvertent Shutterfly Albums (whoa whoa whoa did I just invent a business???LOOKING FOR INVESTORS PEOPLE 💰💰💰💰!!!).
There’s such a thrill to it all but with the shadow of melancholy drowning most of it out, but I keep getting pulled & pulled into wondering if there’s some sort of meaningful story out there that I’m chasing.
Probably not.
But you never know?
I Blame My Goddaughter...
...for the recent Gilmore Girls addiction I can't seem to spin myself out of; for some reason I've never really watched the pilot episode or most of the first season, and I just watched the scene in the pilot with Lorelei asking her parents for the money for Chilton so I have a few thoughts:
1. to whomever did this to Emily’s hair: I will find you. And I will destroy you.
2. why does Richard repeatedly do a smug, seen-it-all-before “you need money?” thing when isn’t the whole point that she DOESN’T come to them for money? Which is confirmed seconds later by Emily…so why have Richard go on & on about it like that? 🤔
3. how can their liquor table setup have an ice bowl with like 5 ice cubes? Wouldn’t they melt after about 10 minutes so you’d hafta be swapping them out constantly; is this why they go through so many maids? 🤔
4. I understand they have no relationship but why are the parents so mean about her going to business class, wouldn’t that be the one thing that would perk Mr. Business McBusinessy’s ears up, one thing he could connect with her over? Is this shades of a few seasons later when Luke craps all over Jess for being a great employee at Wal-Mart? 🤔
5. What is it about rich people & big oil paintings of themselves; there’s also one in the opening scene of Schitt’s Creek - is this the official “you should know these people are crazy rich” signal tv likes to give us? 🤔
6. If Chilton needs the tuition check “immediately” to save her spot for Monday, how can Lorelei get it to them in time if she doesn’t get the check until late Friday night? 🤔
2. why does Richard repeatedly do a smug, seen-it-all-before “you need money?” thing when isn’t the whole point that she DOESN’T come to them for money? Which is confirmed seconds later by Emily…so why have Richard go on & on about it like that? 🤔
3. how can their liquor table setup have an ice bowl with like 5 ice cubes? Wouldn’t they melt after about 10 minutes so you’d hafta be swapping them out constantly; is this why they go through so many maids? 🤔
4. I understand they have no relationship but why are the parents so mean about her going to business class, wouldn’t that be the one thing that would perk Mr. Business McBusinessy’s ears up, one thing he could connect with her over? Is this shades of a few seasons later when Luke craps all over Jess for being a great employee at Wal-Mart? 🤔
5. What is it about rich people & big oil paintings of themselves; there’s also one in the opening scene of Schitt’s Creek - is this the official “you should know these people are crazy rich” signal tv likes to give us? 🤔
6. If Chilton needs the tuition check “immediately” to save her spot for Monday, how can Lorelei get it to them in time if she doesn’t get the check until late Friday night? 🤔
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