WARNING: THESE ARE ALL AS I TOLD THEM IN REAL TIME TO MY BFF ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋), I WILL NOT BE EDITING THIS SHIT, TOUGH LUCK LOSERS
53 minutes? Fuuuuuuuuuck.
They’re playing “Light of Day,” the Joan Jett version of, of course, of the Bruce Springsteen rocker. Which, if I’m correct, and I believe I am, also starred a young Michael J. Fox, right in his Alex P. Keaton prime. Awesome. Terrible movie, however, but a great song.
Ah, nothing like a Ted Lasso winning montage. Snooze.
What if one of the Post-it notes they put the BELIEVE sign was like the N-word? Something crazy, terrible.
Possible to get some soccer announcers that are kind of semi-normal? Is the message to us who don’t know any better that they’re all fucking crazy? Why?
Oh, they’re leaving the star in the game to go for a hat trick. Let me guess. She gets injured.
Oh, good. Yep, nailed that one by two seconds just in time too. Sad, but pretty obvious.
Her injury’s gonna be the exact same as the coach, and that’s how that’s gonna be a connection.
I’m not saying Coach Chilton isn’t attractive. I’d be lucky to date her. She wouldn’t give me the time of day. But I would say she may be described as “Seussian”, and I say that with affection and love.
Sorry, but by season four, it’s too late for Ted Lasso to make a long string of acronyms joke.
Roy’s talking to Ted about being in love with Keeley, and we’re not getting the Diamond Dogs? This is fucking killing me.
Roy’s obstinance about being celebrated by Chelsea is way over the top. It’s too silly.
Wait, so how come a professional women’s team that’s owned by a Premier League owner—why can’t they get a doctor to see this woman? What?
This pains me to say, but this is my least favorite Tracy Ullman ever, and it’s not even close. Maybe it’ll turn around.
When did Keeley and Roy ever fight like this? I feel like they’ve gone from zero to a thousand with the fighting. It’s a bit over the top.
Hey, I like seeing Higgins on the case!
Kaylee would surely be covered in blood with the whole sunroof exit thing?
The wordless minute scene with Ted Lasso and Coach Childress was touching...
…but the way she jumped off the couch when Beard walked in—ding ding ding, alarm bells.
Gee, of the two of them doing it? Come on.
How is Beard so tan?
The Keeley-Roy thing is even more exhausting than their whole breakup has been. What the fuck.
If someone hadn’t already hipped me to the fact that this is when Roy and Keely finally get back together, I would’ve thrown my fucking tv out the fucking window.
Wait, so Coach Chilton’s entire speech to Rebecca, which I was very moved by, in the end is just for some vague, “Hey, think about Gemma, if you could.” What? Like, that’s it? Just—oh, god damn it.
Rebecca calls her Alice all of a sudden. Interesting.
Right back to Coach Chilton. Also interesting.
I love seeing Higgins getting some love from the fellas at the pub!
Wow. That scene with May was terrifying. She literally looks like a snake. This is like the first—she’s like the woman in the first scene of An American Werewolf in London.
I’ve paused it. I’m assuming when I hit unpause, she’s joking, because I was not expecting this turn.
Okay, thank God. It was a ruse. Okay. I was upset for a second there.
I know I’m 12 years old, but “sucking on Kool-Aid Man’s dick” got an LOL. It is what it is.
Did I just crack this case? The person selling the shares or whatever that Higgins is trying to solve—is it going to be the Tracey Ullman character? Seems pretty obvious now.
Lot of speeches for Coach Chilton this week.
I really, really like Gemma’s mom. She’s great. Hilarious.
Again - Why is it so hard for a professional soccer team to get a doctor? Weird.
Fuck, Rupert’s alive? I assumed he had died, rip Anthony Head. Wow, that was strange.
This Roy/Keeley stuff seems to be a bit of a recreation of the She’s a Rainbow episode, which was great. This, I mean, it’s got me. I mean, you know, I’m not made of stone, but it seems to be a lesser version of that. We’ll see how it turns out, though.
Thank god out long national nightmare is over. They’re back together, finally. Jesus, we’re not getting that—we’re not getting that time back in our lives.
Oh shit, it’s Roy Kent’s ex-girlfriend, the doctor with the world’s worst haircut. Oh damn. Snap.
I wouldn’t say it’s a terrible episode. I’m bawling through half of it, but should we just accept Ted Lasso’s never going to be funny again?
That was quite a journey. 😂
That spacing should work really nicely as a running live-watch post without turning it into one gigantic wall of text.
Friday, September 25, 2026
An Open Letter to Whomever Chose the Thumbnail for the Only Video of THE CROSSING I Can Ever Find on YouTube
Dear Whomever Chose the Thumbnail for the Only Video of THE CROSSING I Can Ever Find on YouTube,
Please choose a different thumbnail; whenever it pops up on my screen it freaks me the fuck out as I think it's some sort of marble ghost gliding out of the dark forest. Anything else would be preferable, thank you very much.
I remain,
Xmastime
Thursday, September 24, 2026
We're Fucked.
A coupla weeks ago HERE I noted that AI couldn’t be arriving at a worse possible time because of the unfortunate VENN diagram of our anti-regulation fever and collective stupidity; today in The New York Times - or, as I call it, "The Times" - we see this:
Without even bothering to read the article I already know the answer is, of course, a resounding “no” - besides my regulatory point above, there’s simply WAAAAAAAAAAY too much money to be made by letting AI run amok without any guardrails, to the point at which we’re literally gambling with the destruction of the human race. There’s not only money by the usual middle management folks, but from what I can tell what’s unique about this situation as opposed to the DNA thing or the mid-90s when fears about the Internet started rolling in, is that at the top of this money-making mountain are a handful of people poised to become the richest/most powerful humans in the history of the planet, which means good luck slowing this shit down once it becomes a competition between these guys.
A half-century ago, scientists and lawyers agreed to strict self-regulation in DNA research to avoid catastrophe. Can A.I. follow the same model?
Trump was right when he said the world’s a casino now; it’s just a shame that the 99.999999% of us are all gonna choose to be the big losers. Incredible.
Wednesday, September 23, 2026
Love Train
Moi Say Moi a month ago:
Whenever I'm on a train & we're stopped next to the train going in the opposite direction I don’t let myself look over at the other train, scared I'll fall in love at a glance through the window & be haunted by her for the rest of my life.
Today:
Know Thyself. (If You Must)
There's a list of the number of times in my life I've been a total fucking badass and that list is "me refusing to finish home setup on my Apple TV no matter how many years it's been".
A Day No Lasagna Would Die
On his first day in office, Trump changed the name of North America’s highest peak from Denali back to Mount McKinley.
Then he famously became obsessed with putting his own name on the Kennedy Center.
And now he apparently wants to do the same with Ford's Theater, aka where Lincoln was shot.
Sooooooooooo...what's up with Trump's obsession with presidents who were assassinated? Is it because of his own attempt in 2024, and should a certain somebody start to worry he’s next?
Questions. I Have Them.
Has the "hey guys could you give us the room?" thing ever happened in real life? It's constantly happening on my tv screen & yet I've never heard of anybody knowing anybody who ever heard of anybody doing this in real life, so?
A Day in the So-Called Life
I got on the elevator earlier (as opposed to in the future, I suppose? 🤔) & there was an older gentleman on crutches; throughout the ride I patted myself on the back for confirming to myself that of COURSE I'' let this guy get off first, I'll do a juuuuuuust-slightly-below-what-could-be-plausibly-accused-of-being-dramatic sweep of the hand towards the door for him. later on he'd tell his wife about the amazing guy on the elevator; he'd write a goddam country-western song about me if he was Townes Van Zandt. You'll always have this connection, this connection where common decency and goodness won the day, the first of what would hopefully be many days. My thoughtlessness & consideration for this gentlemen made me humbly accept my own greatness.
"You," I shook my head in wonder at myself, "you really are the greatest, you really are."
"What a fucking prick" I said to myself 10 seconds later when he had no problem sprinting out of the elevator ahead of me without even looking in my direction.
"You," I shook my head in wonder at myself, "you really are the greatest, you really are."
"What a fucking prick" I said to myself 10 seconds later when he had no problem sprinting out of the elevator ahead of me without even looking in my direction.
Art Great Googly Moogly! du Jour
I'm no expert on art - I don't even think I took an art class in college, which is strange for me I think? - but I've looked at & loved a lot of paintings in my life (as opposed to anytime else, I suppose?) & I think this is the first time I've ever seen some sort of see-through technique like this? With oils? 😲🤯🤯
The Absinthe Drinker
by Viktor Oliva circa 1901
Insta Mukluks: darkgloomyart
Incredible du Jour
I hate hate hate the Diamondbacks but this is easily the best thing you'll read all day. 🤣😭🥲
Sometimes I Scare Myself with My Own Genius
Should-be Hold Steady song lyric:
“And she said man I’m glad we heeded Joe Strummer’s every word,PREVIOUS HOLD STEADY GENIUS FROM XMASTIME HERE
But maybe we shoulda focused more on what Peter Buck had to say,
And then she puked blue Big Gulp ice all over my Keds."
Tuesday, September 22, 2026
Television Wins
I can’t believe I'm saying this but besides being known as The Year of Cheap Pork, it looks like 2026 is going down as the year I finally fell in love with Marquee Moon after decades of fighting it. 😲🤯🎸❤️ #cbgb #nyc
Brilliant Ideas. I have Them.
I'm sure there's a lot of weird things about living at The White House but I’ve always thought this by far has to be the weirdest:
The president must pay for all personal meals, groceries, and family food expenses consumed at the White House.Like, what's the purpose of this? Some stubborn arcane leftover meant to prove a point? Isn’t this just more of a hassle than it's worth? And yes I am now starting a band called The Stubborn Arcane Leftovers, rock you very much.
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "do you possibly have a BRILLIANT idea for a movie or tv show about this?"
Sigh. Yes I do, faithful readers, YES I do:
The new president discovers this little factoid about living at The White House and it really sucks for him because he has 12 kids so he has to get a second job, and hilarity ensues. And yes that second job is probably driving an Uber.
LOOKING FOR INVESTORS PEOPLE, LET'S MAKE SOME REAL MONEY, PEOPLE!! 💰💰💰💰
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