EDDIE & THE CRUISERS Questions

If Eddie died on March 16, 1964 wouldn't it stand to reason he saw The Beatles playing on Ed Sullivan & it drove him to insanity over a coupla weeks before saying "fuck this I'm out" and so his death WAS a suicide? Of course we know what really happens, but how was this never brought up as a plausible scenario? It fits Eddie's manic personality, gives the whole Rimbaud Season in Hell thing a real payoff and the writers could tie it into some "Brian Wilson heard Rubber Soul and lost his goddam mind" theme to lend the movie more music credibility.

Me. I'm Really Happening, Aren't I?

I thought I’d gotten soft with age when I realized I couldn’t kill bugs but now I find myself unable to throw away the plastic hangar that dutifully gave its life to proudly holding up my winter coat for two years?

A Question About Bill Simmons' Basketball Book Player Rankings

 

Can we get AI to make a video of the guys in the Coming to America barbershop explaining that there's no fucking way even in 2009 that Bob fucking Cousy was the 21st best basketball player of all time?

Questions. I Have Them.

Guy who sits at the desk next to me at work told me he's in a theater production of Murder on the Orient Express & it made me wonder if mysteries work so well as plays because so much of it is someone standing around explaining everything to everybody else? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Sometimes I Scare Myself with My Own Genius

Should-be Hold Steady lyric:

"And she said man I love everything about Jack White
Except his music
And then she threw her Big Gulp up like 1974 Iggy all over my new Keds"

PREVIOUS HOLD STEADY GENIUS FROM XMASTIME HERE

Netflix Thriller-Comedy Series Ideas. I Have Them.

The White Lotus but it's seven strangers flown in to a remote island where they find out they're the actors in an island production of A Streetcar Named Desire directed by a ruthless tyrant hell-bent on making their lives a living nightmare for three months in the name of a triumphant one-time only performance.

LOOKING FOR INVESTORS!!!! 💰💰💰💰

Current Events

Apparently Trump is actually a soccer fan, which we know his base abhors:

Whereas some MAGA stalwarts think of soccer like a smelly French cheese that they never want to see in their kitchen, Trump covets its presence.

How funny would it be if after happily discarding everything they've ever believed in to please their daddy Trump his base decides liking soccer is the line they will not cross?

Current Events

Either the Party of Family Values understands what families and values are or I do but it is not possible we both are correct. 

 

the triumphant return of mr. fantastic

for about a week now I've noticed this piece of popcorn every time I've gotten up from my couch:

i’ve resisted picking it up without really knowing why; normally i’d just chalk it up to being (spoiler alert) a lazy slob, but I knew that wasn’t the reason this time even if I didn’t really know if there was a reason at all.

i couldn’t help but think of the popcorn as a brave little mouse out & about, scurrying under the chair as he tried to get back home from wherever brave little mice go whenever they’re out & about.

but then the name “mr. fantastic” popped into my pretty little head & I suddenly knew WHY I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of him:

i've decided i'm gonna let him linger for a few more days. 🤗

State du Moi

I lived in New York City, the most modern city in the world, for 15 years & yet somehow it’s where I live right now that makes me remember how I imagined what the very picture of futuristic modernity must’ve looked like when I was a little kid dreaming about it.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Current Events

I've been saying for almost a decade now ad nauseating on this blog that the reason Trump is still around and allowed to do whatever he wants is because everyone thinks they're watching a movie, and not only is this whole "I'm gonna blow up all of Iran if they don't capitulate by 8pm tonight!" thing the perfect example of his willingness to be onscreen as some sort of carnival barker combined with our willingness to tune in & watch the carnival barker while refusing to believe it's actually happening in the real world with real world consequrnces, it's directly lead to this quote from the adminstration itself:

“Only President Trump knows what he will do, and the entire world will find out tomorrow night if bridges and electric plants are annihilated,” White House spokeswoman Anna Kelly told The Wall Street Journal.

Even when discussing the literal obliteration of an entire nation of innocent people, we're handed a "tune in at 8pm to find out what happens!" line straight out of the Real Housewives. Incredible.

THE NEW YORKER Brilliance du Jour (or More!)

This one is gonna be tough to beat. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Great Moments in College Professor Comments History

Dr. Cope
Spring 1994

Something You People Don't Know About Me

In what surely will be a surprise to anyone who's seen me, we're coming up on 40 years now since I last added salt to my food.

Tis the Season: Xmastime on Christianity

If I was starting a religion one thing I would do is not make it so that I’d have to threaten people with the possibility of burning in Hell forever if they don’t agree to join.

TFW...

...you're really, really hoping ICE isn't laying out the eggs this year.

Current Events

I'm glad they found the American that was shot down & I don't wanna make light out it but if you don't think there's some billionaire out there right now trying to find out how much it's gonna cost to get him & his buddies up in F-15s so they can hit the ejection button at Mach 2 just for the thrill of it then you are out of your goddam mind.

Wow Shit Really Was Crazy Before Trump Got Back In Office

Dogs & Taxes

I don't know who this comedian is:

But if your next questions is - hold up, someone wants to step in for this one:

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "does it feel pretty amazing to realize that all these years after releasing your first novel you're still such a huge influence on the standup community world?"

Sigh. Yes it does, faithful readers, YES it does: