Friday, March 22, 2019

I Feel Like Someone Knows Something.


Thoughts. I Have Them.

You know you’re getting old when you’re watching Beverly Hills 90210 and find yourself thinking, “you know, that is some curiously expensive ovenware for a coupla college kids living at the beach...” 

Dafuck du Jour

Guys Mr. Rogers' middle name is "McFeely"???????

Thursday, March 21, 2019

The Stack

I found this article about a father's messy stack of books interesting:
The Stack had started in a recessed space near my father’s half of the bed, bounded on one side by a wall and on the other by my parents’ dresser, a vertical behemoth taller than I would ever be. At some point in the Stack’s development, it had overtopped that piece of furniture, whereupon it met a second tower of books, which, at some slightly later point, had begun growing up along the dresser’s other side. For some reason, though, the Stack always looked to me as if it had defied gravity (or perhaps obeyed some other, more mysterious force) and grown down the far side of the dresser instead. At all events, the result was a kind of homemade Arc de Triomphe, extremely haphazard-looking but basically stable, made of some three or four hundred books.
I probably found it interesting because I can relate:
When I was a young buck my father had the stereotypical “guys chair”; ie it looked like it had been dropped from a rooftop and then stuffed with pork chops before siccing Cujo on it. No matter how many times my mother would whine about the goddam thing and scream he had to get rid of it, my dad refused. His chair; “The Master’s Chair.” God forbid you were sitting in it when he rolled into the house, you’d hafta hear him actually say “Out of the master’s chair while the master is in the house.” He’d come home from work every day at 5:00 and from the moment dinner was over (lessee, he’s home at 5:00, we’d be done at....5:07) until he retired for the night he’d sit in The Master’s Chair and read, barely looking up when nodding his head at 18 second intervals while my mother talked non-stop about everything in the world. And if the shabby chair wasn’t bad enough, he insisted on keeping whatever batch of books he was reading piled up in a mountain to the left of the chair – not piled neatly, mind you, but in a mound such that if you pulled one book out it was like that game Jenga, and the shit would come down on you like the ball in Indiana Jones.

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

OFAMM Update

I just did Round 2 of my Only Fools and Horses Episode Tournament and to be honest, it's disappointing - no upsets. Which shouldn't be a surprise since I seeded them from best to worst. Maybe it'd be more interesting to randomly seed them, and see what runs into each other?


Monday, March 18, 2019

OFAMM

Welcome to Only Fools and March Madness!

I filledout my first round below - not a lot of upsets obviously as I'm the one that seeded them. One glitch - for come reason, the seeds for Big Brother and Cash and Curry (my least favorite episode) are flipped. Grr.

Click through to do your own first round! :)

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Happy Birfday Big Bear!

Happy 13th (!!!!!!!!!) birthday to my oldest god-child 🙂. A few years ago he provided me with this gem: 
(walking to pick his sister up from school and trying to gauge if I needed to call a car service)
Me: how long does it take to get from school to home?
Him: same as it does from home to school.
Ha! 😜 

I can’t believe he’s already a teenager. 





RIP Hal Blaine

Hal Blaine died this weekend at 90. He was the greatest drummer ever, playing behind the kit for The Wrecking Crew on 150 top ten hits, 40 number one songs, and countless other hits.

Tuesday, March 12, 2019

Dickhead du Jour

No no buddy let me get that for you!

Questions. I Have Them.

How has there not been a definitive movie about The Shot Heard 'Round the World?

Open Question for Bill Simmons

How could you possibly have left the Cincinnati Bearcats off this list, who won TWO NCAA titles the in each of the two years after the Big O left???

Sate du Moi.

110 seconds of watching Downton Abbey with a 9 year-old: “Who’s she? Who’s he? Who’s he? Who’s she? Who’s that? Who’s he? Who’s she? Who’s she? Who’s that? Who’s she? Who’s he? Who’s he? Who’s she? Who’s that? Who’s he? Who’s she? Who’s she? Who’s that?” (My head explodes.)

34 Years Ago Today

Bird goes for 60, a Celtics record, against the Hawks. No matter how many times you watch, this never gets old.

Monday, March 04, 2019

RIP Luke Perry

Sad. Obviously, he’s been in a million Xmastime posts and tomorrow I’ll have an appropriate retrospective. 

Thursday, February 28, 2019

It's Almost March...

....which means the Only Fools and Horses Best Episode Tournament is coming soon!!!!


Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Conversation with a 3 Year-Old

Me: “Sorry buddy we’re nowhere near a Chick Fil-A."
Him: “You’re so mean it makes me sad!”
Me: “What?”
Him: “Now I’m mad!”
Me: “But -“
Him: “Liar!”
Me: “There’s no-“
Him: “LIAR!!!!!!”

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Dammit!


Not today, DickCheeto! NOT today!!!

Funny du Jour

via The New Yorker.

Ummmm...

...with all due respect to Bradley Beal I still own The Greatest Walk of All Time.

State du Moi

Listening to a podcast about The Lottery and realizing how fucked up it is that in 7th grade we performed it as a play. Wtf.

Valentine's Day...

...probably good as any to update my Tinder profile pic.

Happy Valentine's Day

What with my over the top, bordering on the dangerous luck with the ladies, Valentines Day has always been a big deal for me. Let's take a walk through the years and, starting with 8th grade, see how each Valentine's Day went for our guy Xmastime.

1986: nothing
1987: nothing
1988: nothing
1989: bought rose for a girl I was into and later dated for two years. My first love. Of course by the time it got to her it had died and shriveled up. And that ended up being the highlight of our relationship.
1990: I think I got a keychain shaped like a heart from her. Ring-a-ding fucking ding.
1991: nothing
1992: nothing
1993: nothing
1994: had a girlfriend, but can't remember doing anything special. Sounds like it must have been amazing.
1995: broke up with her, inciting what surely was 4-sleeve Snackwells emergency at Stubbs Dorm.
1996: nothing
1997: nothing
1998: nothing
1999: nothing
2000: nothing
2001: nothing
2002: nothing
2003: nothing
2004: nothing
2005: nothing
2006: nothing
2007: nothing
2008: nothing
2009: nothing
2010: nothing
2011: nothing
2012: nothing
2013: nothing
2014: nothing 
2015: nothing
2016: nothing
2017: nothing
2018: nothing
2019: nothing as of 1:29pm