Monday, March 04, 2024

Dafuck CNN du Jour

I was gonna make some surely incredible "goddammit Bezos got me again" joke for this but now I can't stop wondering..."earth"? Where else would anybody be? And why is it not capitalized?

I Do Sports!

A Note on Sydney Sweeny's Episode of This Week's SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

Greatest moment on the show since Lindsay Lohan at Hogwarts and Katy Perry with that Muppet.

#XOTD2009 (This Still Bugs the Fuck Outta Me BTW)

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Perplexing

Big Bear has a birthday coming up soon, which makes me think about when he was born, and the fact that it gave birth (sic) to what I still think was my greatest moment, yet got ZERO LAUGHS.

Minutes after he was born, his pop brought him out to meet us all. Blah blah blah. Then the two of them got on an elevator to go downstairs. For something, I have no idea what. There were maybe 10 of us, and we're all just kinda standing there watching them get on the elevator, and about 2 minutes later we're all still standing there, chatting or whatever, and the elevator door opens. And standing there is some kid, looks to be about 10 or 12. Everybody's just kinda standing there looking at him, and finally I say "Jesus christ...how the fuck long have we been standing here?"

ZERO LAUGHS!!! My greatest line ever, nuthin. ZERO!!!!

And yet every single time I buy beer or liquor, the clerk says "Have a good night" and, almost as an impulse at this point, I say "I will now." And it's a guaranteed laugh. If I've done that one 500 times, it's gotten 500 laughs.

Hmm. Life, eh? A big ol bag of nuts.

Ummm...

...how the fuck was Shaq never on an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm again?

Dafuck Wegman's?

And don't you dare accuse me of thinking about trying to make an "I thought it said bee-stung lips" crack here, assholes.

Play My Records, Stay at My Home

Yesterday I Tweeted about the Kinks' radio play Arthur and LOOK who liked my Tweet!!!!!! πŸ€—πŸŽΈπŸ€—πŸŽΈπŸ€—πŸŽΈπŸ€—πŸŽΈ

I Ask the Hard Questions.

Is there a bigger thrill in this thing called life than when you're watching a tv show and think "gee what else has then actor been in?" and so you go to their IMDB page and their main photo IS TAKEN FROM THE VERY EPISODE YOU WERE WATCHING AT THE MOMENT THAT CAUSED YOU TO LOOK THAT ACTOR UP ON IMDB IN THE FIRST PLACE????!??!?! πŸ€”πŸ€·

Xmastime Memory Lane


These are the two episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm that aired before & after the first time I ever posted on Xmastime.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you do the same thing a coupla years ago with Saturday Night Live and when you moved to Brooklyn?"

Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did!

Questions. I Have Them.

Is 13 the earliest number that skips a decade?

13 x 2 = 26
13 x 3 = 39

SKIPS THE 40S

13 x 4 = 52

πŸ€”πŸ€·‍♂️

In a Word...

...YEP.

The Future of America

Now that artificial intelligence is actually upon us, America is going to have to be forced into a reckoning about its pretend outrage over "socialism". The S-Word is a super-easy trigger for Americans, as it goes up against our "bootstraps!" bullshit; politicians love to use it as a threatening cudgel since for some reason we've been trained to believe socialism is one step up above from agreeing to worship Satan, even tho of course we have plenty of socialism throughout our daily lives and have for decades.

But it's coming to a point at which we're gonna have to be called on out own bullshit. I mean look, it's been like 10 minutes since the Internet has arrived and look how that's upended entire industries; now people are already gleefully bragging about the entire industries that are about to be taken over by AI. So much like information and technology itself have become in recent decades, the technology using AI will exponentially increase the speed at which industries vanish, but will also ITSELF become a useful tool for creating even MORE technological advances to take away millions of peoples' jobs. So at some point, there will literally not be enough work to go around, and no amount of scolding from Republicans and Jesus is going to make it any different. So we can either go into a system of absolute wealth and absolute poverty, to the point of slavery, or we can simply accept what things have become and just pay people to be alive. Watching all of this happen while trying to dance on lasers about what is and what isn't "socialism" will be entertaining if nothing else.

State du Moi

The only reason at this point I'd even want a family of my own is so I can enforce "Chinese Food Sunday Dinner".

Sunday, March 03, 2024

Sketch Comedy Questions. I Have One.

Has nobody done the Undercover Boss episode with God and the Vatican?

XMASTIME HOT TAKE:

The King of Queens was a funnier show than Friends.

Good Question!

 

GET THIS DAMN DOG IN THE GODDAM CAST NOW!!!!!!!!!

Arthur, Somebody Loves You Don't You Know It?

I mentioned the BBC's radio play of The Kinks' classic album Arthur (Or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire) the other but really had no idea what to expect. Turns out it's a radio play of the personal and social upheavals that led Ray Davies to eventually write the album. I've never really listened to anything like it but it's basically a play on the radio with music interspersed; I really LOVE the classic "kitchen sink drama" feel of the acting, reflecting all the the shows like it from the "Golden Age of Telly" (in my head it should remind you of this show). If I had a nitpick I'd say if you can't get the licensing for the actual song recordings, don't play so much of kinda-whatever generic cover versions; CERTAINLY don't play so much of each one - we're here because we already love the album, so we don't need to hear so much of it poorly recreated.

It's a slice of daily 1960s British life well worth taking an hour-ish to listen in on, and of course it's really great to be reminded there's other people out there who love the album so much.

GET THEE OVER HERE NOW AND LISTEN!!!

Activity Fun Time

Can You Spot the 11 Differences in These Pictures?

Garfield du Jour


Insta Favez du Jour

(Clockwise from top left: darkgloomyart, 70svintagelove, snack toast, antsynth)

Great Idea Then. Great Idea Now.


Questions. I Have Them.

Is "sin-vestor" a thing? Like, "hey guys I'm looking for a group to put up some funding for a casino to rip off cancer kids, I mean Imma really need a coupla real sinvestors here guys..."? πŸ€”πŸ€·

Congratulations, Sarah Silverman!

Geena Davis in Thelma & Louise is easily in my "Top 5 Xmastime Ladies of Specific Film" list, along with Jennifer Esposito from Summer of Sam. - XMASTIME

I would like to humbly and respectfully add Sarah Silverman on The Larry Sanders Show to this incredibly exclusive club. I mean trust me when I tell you she's still hot af today (please don't ask me how I know, that's my personal business and I please ask you to respect that thank you) but her on The Larry Sanders Show = Hall of Fame, jersey hanging from the rafters.

Shame du Jour

It's a shame The Kinks used Long Tall Sally as their debut single. I understand that's how a lot of bands were broken back then, just covering the hits of the day, but not only is their version just kinda blah/whatever that does NOTHING to signal what the band would even possibly begin to sound like, the b-side is a really good song! It's not one that's gonna change the world or anything but it's a good song, certainly good enough for a band of teenagers in 1964 and if nothing else it sounds really original & interesting for its time.

Bad decision, The Kinks!