XMASTIME MEMORY LANE: TFW A Certain Someone Starts Telling Their Story About Getting Kicked Out of Macadoo's 5 Straight Nights in the Summer of '92 for the Thousandth @#$%ing Time

Xmas Your Enthusiasm Season 7

I'll Say This.

What's "wrong" is if this doesn't end up being an amazing legal drama, be it a movie or play - if you can't be tried for the same crime twice, how can you be executed for it twice?

Xmastime Walks

Walking past a young couple I wondered if the guy was gonna catch me eyeballing his hot girlfriend so he'd jump all up in my face and I'd get to cut him off with "hey buddy I'm just a fat fuck trying to get my 10,000 steps in like everybody else" and continue walking without even a brief pause.

A Few Thoughts on Episode 9 of Season 4 of TED LASSO

WARNING: THESE ARE ALL AS I TOLD THEM IN REAL TIME TO MY BFF ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋), I WILL NOT BE EDITING THIS SHIT, TOUGH LUCK LOSERS

I love Beard’s hair

I know someone’s gonna die. Is it Keeley? That would be pretty incredible, though I don’t know how I wouldn’t have heard about it by now.

Ted’s kid—I’m pretty sure he’s gonna go on a killing spree.

[Unclear transcription: “So, Mae, wise our boy. You go first.”]

Let me guess: Roy finds the fifty pregnancy tests in the cleverly hidden trash can in the bathroom.

What did I miss - How does Tracey Ullman have “wander in during a Rebecca meeting, sit down and just chill” privileges?

Really weird to hear Rupert’s name again.

The title credits are still floating in eight and a half minutes into the episode. [SIDE NOTE: yes we here at Xmastime have known/rolled our eyes at this kind of shit for years!!!!]

Glad they didn’t think of doing this whole “twins constantly finishing each other’s sentences” thing until the penultimate episode. Thank you.

I love everything about this new Beard. I wish they did a whole new Beard every episode. I love it.

Plus, as ridiculous as I think Keeley is—and she drives me nuts—I do think she’d be a good mother. I don’t know why, but that’s my gut instinct.

Do Mae and Beard go to the same barber?

It’s weird that Gemma went straight from “I don’t know if I even care about soccer” to “I’m gonna kill somebody if I don’t get back on the field,” and we didn’t really see the progress.

Oh, of course. It’s Mae that’s gonna die. That’s why they spent so much time with her this season.

One of the funniest things in the show is whenever Coach Chilton is just standing there with his hands in his pockets, staring out at the field. It’s just funny to me.

I wish I were more mature, but “I guess Gemma’s a virgin” from Beard is just legit funny. I’m sorry.

They’re back together, but now that they’re back together, I fucking hate Roy and Keeley. What are they doing now?

I am way too nervous for Shannon. I do not like this. Way too nerve-wracking.

Shannon is the worst defensive player ever, but the greatest offensive player in the world?

So you can just decide, “Oh, I’m gonna run down the field. You kick it to me and I’ll be wide open”? That’s just an easy decision in soccer?

Shannon’s goal puts them up by two. Why not make it a real game-winner?

I don’t understand the scores.

[Unclear transcription: “I running chilling in a hallway this whole time?”]

I mean, I’m sorry about Mae, but would her death be that dramatic? And I don’t want to be a dick, but did Rebecca even know her? But hey, we love you, Mae. Sorry.

Oh, finally: “In memory of Anthony Head.” Took nine episodes for them to acknowledge it.

Scrapbook 🤗❤️

The Greggy, The Goddaughter & The Greeze!  

Another Country Western Song Title in Search of a Song

It’s Not That Anything’s Wrong, It’s Just That Nothing’s Right

SEE PREVIOUS SONGS HERE

Never Mind the Bollocks

I'm still too emotionally drained to talk about seeing the Sex Pistols last night - shoutout Brett Finnegan Jeff & Ryan! - but don't worry I'll have some video clips soon enough but in the meantime, I can't believe Steve Jones, guitar legend of all time, only has one, ONE!! guitar pedal! And even that was just a dumb Muff pedal he goofed around with on (I'm Not Your) Steppin Stone. Incredible. INCREDIBLE!! 🤯🤗🎸🇬🇧🕺

 

NEW XMASTIME GAME: 🤯 or 🤔 ?

Xmastime Films

Watch Previous Xmastime Films Here

Happy Birfday RRTHUR!! (YES Ladies, THAT Rrthur!) 🤗🕺🤣🎉🎂🥳

"You wanna make sure your band practices? Book a show. You'll be amazed at how much a band is willing to practice if it knows it's about to embarrass itself." - Rrthur (YES, ladies, THAT Rrthur!!!!!), Feb 1999

Instant Karma's Gonna Get You

As soon as I saw this across the street from my building I knew I was gonna challenge the all-time Tragic Short Story champion, "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." with something akin to “Infant Cemetery Officially Opens” but didn’t wanna put something like that out into the Universe so I decided not to, you’re welcome very much. 😞

Brilliant du Jour

BRITISH SITCOMS DESCRIBED BY PEEP SHOW

You have to be a real BBC fan like me to understand these - sorry you fucking rubes, but it's true - but whoever put this together absolutely nailed every one. 🤗🙌🤣🇬🇧🇬🇧🤣

Short Story, by Xmastime

Earlier on the Metro (as opposed to in the future on the Metro? Dammit Xmastime!) I noticed out of the corner of my eye a stunningly beautiful woman with olive skin in dark sunglasses & a bright white cotton button-down shirt staring at me.

I could feel myself morphing moment by moment into whatever it was I could sense she was looking for in a soulmate as she continued to stare at me while I could feel every pulse of blood pumping through my body to the rhythm of the train gunning itself down the track as fast as polished steel (Mukluks: Townes Van Zandt).

Finally the train stopped & we both stood up; this is it, I bellowed in my head, surely our both getting off at the same stop after she's been staring at me for the last 45 minutes means we're meant to be together!

And then she waved a long white stick at the floor in front of us and used it to briskly walk by me without even remotely glancing in my direction. 

Questions. I Have Them.

After seeing how hilarious having a character named "Captain Darling" was on Blackadder, how has there never been a tv show or movie about a Colonel in the Confederate Army whose last name is Sanders? 🤔🤷‍♂️

HAPPY BIRFDAY PADDY MAC!! 🤗🕺🥳🎂

A stroll through memory lane, if you will:

Paddy Mac, Football Star!

Hello Paddy Mac!

Paddy Mac vs. Theodore Album Review

Paddy Mac hits the mats!

Fall 2006

From a few summers ago.

"Yeah well tell that @#$%ing jackass he better pay me if he wants to post this shit!!

 

RIP Curbdug Legend

One of my longest-held memories is reading about something called a pooper-scooper in the beginning of Judy Blume's Superfudge, the sequel to her immortal Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing; the idea of people living in an apartment building in a big city (was I even cognizant enough to wonder if it was New York City?) was fantastical enough, but reading about some sort of tool designed to pick up dog turds really flipped the wig off my head, to the point that it was the first thing that occurred to me when I just now saw that the inventor of the pooper-scooper has died at 93. 

Ted Lasso Notes!!!

I asked my bff ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋) to put my very thoughtful & very brilliant notes to the latest Ted Lasso episode into an easy-to-read infographic & they even arranged the notes by subject! 🤗🕺 Enjoy! And yes, you ARE very welcome!!

 

Questions. I Have Them.

Can you really be in love with someone if you don't have their city in your weather app? 🤔🤷‍♂️

 

Short Story, by Xmastime

Earlier today I found myself near a woman in Wegmans who could best be described as "ahummidy hummidy omg!"; in other words, not only easy on the peepers but pleasing to the utmost degree.

Thinking at a speed which bellied my usual sluggishness I instantly took a few steps towards the Halloween candy aisle. "She'll think I'm great with kids, that'll pique her interest & this'll be the story we tell our grandchildren one day!"

Then I realized that to her I’d be some fat guy poking around Halloween candy a month before Halloween, so I just keep walking without looking back.