1) In looking at the Winter Olympics (ugh) I now realize I played the wrong sports as a kid. I played the standards: football, basketball and baseball – along with about 500 billion other kids across the country. With that much competition, I had about as much chance getting to the highest level as I did banging Kelly and Jessie while Zack and Slater threw dollar bills at me. But now I see some of these “sports” in the Olympics and I’m like fuck, if I had taken up some of these stupid fucking things as a kid, chances are good I’d be in the damn Olympics. Rich and famous for “sports” where I lie on my back and hurtle down an icy runway, or snow ski through woods shooting things, or follow some big disk with a broom, sweeping in front of it. I mean, do you know anybody who knows anybody who knows anybody that does these fucking things? I gotta think that if I had played curling instead of football, my competition woulda decreased from 30,000,000 kids to 6. Hey, I fucked up. Soon as I have a kid I’m putting him on skis with a rifle in his hands and shoving him into the woods. “Call me when Pepsi calls for the endorsement deal, fucko.”
Thursday, February 19, 2026
XMASTIME 20 Years Ago Today
Okay so I missed it by 2 days but it seems relevant since we're in the midst of the Winter Olympics so if you could please. get. off. my. back!!!!
Xmastime Worlds Colliding, Again!
One time when I was a kid I overheard my mother ask my dad what "que sera sera" meant, to which he replied "que sera sera, whatever whatever...you know, so what so what." - XMASTIMEMeanwhile, Del Boy! 🤗🤣🤣🤣
Del: Yeah and then you’d have had to go and break the news to Irene. How do you think a 40-year-old woman would feel, knowing that she’s lost in love to a younger woman? She wouldn’t be just losing any man. She’d be losing you.
Rodney: I’ve never thought of it like that.
Del: That scar would never heal!
Rodney: Oh poor chick.
Del: Exactly! It’s che sara, sara as the French say. Anyway, her old man was released yesterday, so it’s saved you from all that didn’t it.
Me. I'm Really Happening, Aren't I?
If when I was a little kid you'd have told me that my Heads-Up, 7-Up career would be over by 1985 I would have laughed in your face. And yet here we are.
Wednesday, February 18, 2026
Xmastime World Colliding
I'm not saying it's should rocket me to the top of the Fuck Boy list but I never start a load in the dryer without a clean lint trap. - XMASTIME
Meanwhile, Del Boy! 🤗🤣🤣🤣Current Events
It's no wonder Christian nationalists love Trump so much - just like their God he's petty, needy, vengeful & always offering a promise juuuuuuuuuuuuuust over the horizon should they stay loyal to him that they can never quite attain.
Questions About THE OFFICE. I Have Them.
Just as I wondered about what's gonna happen when Michael Scott sees the documentary, how great will it be to have an entire series based around the characters reacting to watching their coworkers shit on them for 9 years, leading them to tear each other apart to shreds right before our very eyes? 🤔🤷♂️
An Open Letter to Whomever Sequenced the Simon & Garfunkel Album BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER
Dear Whomever Sequenced the Simon & Garfunkel Album Bridge Over Troubled Water,
With its soaring & majestic crashing crescendo pounding away at the end, the title track was MADE to be the album's finale, not the opener; whoever botched this should be held in very little regard henceforth.
I remain,
With its soaring & majestic crashing crescendo pounding away at the end, the title track was MADE to be the album's finale, not the opener; whoever botched this should be held in very little regard henceforth.
I remain,
Xmastime
An Open Letter to Food People
Dear Food People,
Nobody cares how many OUNCES of food a bag contains, we only care about how many PIECES of food it contains since that's the only way we can truly measure food in our own heads.
I remain,
Nobody cares how many OUNCES of food a bag contains, we only care about how many PIECES of food it contains since that's the only way we can truly measure food in our own heads.
I remain,
Xmastime
Tuesday, February 17, 2026
An Open Letter to THE NEW YORKER
Dear THE NEW YORKER,
This would have been much funnier if it was the rat talking instead of the guy on the right.
I remain,
Xmastime
Life & How to Live It
Live your life like when you're adding ground beef to pasta – don't be afraid to throw in the grease.
Monday, February 16, 2026
FINALLY du Jour
FINALLY Xmastime buddy Rrthur (YES ladies, THAT Rrthur) has started getting his old band Idle's albums up & streaming; we start with their 1993 debut DOWNERS PHARMACY 🤗🕺🎸🥁
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “isn't the the band you recorded what's generally considered to be the single-greatest musical recording of all time with, TAKE MY TEENAGE HEAD????!!!"
Sigh. Yes it is, faithful readers, YES it is but FOR ONCE this isn't about me!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Dafuck du Jour
How can Bob Dylan be Bob Dylan & not show up at First Avenue a coupla weeks ago? You're the very avatar of protest music & love to tell people you're from Minnesota so you seem like "one of the folks!" and yet you let Bruce Springsteen walk into First Avenue & do your job while you're bleating out another unintelligible version of some obscure "lost treasure!" song that would push the most Dylan of Dylan fans to their limits? Dafuck Bob Dylan? 😡😡😡😡
Sunday, February 15, 2026
Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime
Everybody gives Cosby shit for the crazy sweaters he wore on The Cosby Show but he should be getting way more shit for the weird fancy pajamas he always wore.
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