Know Thyself.

Nobody's ever accused me of acting like a grown-ass adult but I just caught myself thinking (as opposed to catching anyone else thinking, I suppose?) “I honestly believe that how cheap pork is right now will be of the things I’ll always remember about 2026", so.

More Sizzlin' Room Temperature Takes with Xmastime

I love R.EM. but they may be the all-time Useless Album Cover Art Liner Notes Kings; while Dylan was always gloriously unintelligible with his liner notes Columbia Records still made sure you knew the sequence of the songs on the record, R.E.M. was always like "hey wanna know what order the songs are in or who plays what on any of them well guess what tough shit fuckface!"

FAIR PLAY: they do however get full marks for Dead Letter Office's Hall of Fame liner notes (which only makes their resistance to doing them more that much more frustrating).

ALSO: take a walk down Xmastime Memory Lane with my Petty Album Liner Notes! series!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Barely Luke-Warm Hot Take, with Xmastime

Nobody’s ever cried about Lou Reed or Andy Warhol not getting enough credit or attention for their respective careers but to be honest I don't know if either of them actually get enough credit for doing the Mozart Golden Mean thing; each of them were trying to bring more “higher concept” art to the masses – literature for Reed, visual art for Warhol - through the most populist art form at the time, popular rock music.

New Xmastime Playlist for You People, You're Welcome Very Much

THE BEST OF THE OHIO EXPRESS AND OTHER BUBBLEGUM SMASHES

From my much-too-thoughtful-for-you-people description notes on Spotify:

Recreating an all-time favorite compilation album I’ve loved since 1994. DO SOMETHING TO ME on the album is by The British Road Runners. BEG BORROW & STEAL on the album is listed as The Rare Breed, but it’s The Ohio Express. The exact same thing had happened with DOWN AT LULU’S but in reverse.

Another Country Western Song Title in Search of a Song

To All the Big Girls Out There Looking for Love: I Was Wrong

SEE PREVIOUS SONGS HERE

Xmastime Films

SNOWFLAKE IN CHIEF, #3

Watch Previous SNOWFLAKE IN CHIEF Films Here

Turkey's Nest Memories, No Big Whoop...

...just me in my Aunt Pat wig checking out a Polaroid with a 2-time U.S. Poet Laureate (AND Watty!).

 

WE LOVE YOU GLEN MATLOCK! 🎸🕺❤️🇬🇧

The Glen Matlock documentary is out on Apple & it’s great, both as a (brisk!) rock doc and as redemption for the unsung hero of the band who was always treated like a punk rock Pete Best, but if Pete Best had written She Loves You and I Want to Hold Your Hand.

And now, a quote from Gary Kemp:

I never bought into Malcolm’s sort of PR that, you know, “Oh, we’ve kicked him out because he likes the Beatles.”I think what Malcolm was really saying is, “We kicked him out because he’s too musical.”

It proved to me then, at that point, that this was not a band that Malcolm had any interest in having longevity, musical development of any kind, or even staying together. He wanted to destroy it, and he destroyed it by putting this crazy guy in on bass who couldn’t even play bass.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "didn't you rather brilliantly say this exact same thing four years ago?"

Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did: 

What if Malcolm McLaran had taken a minute from being obsessed with endless media stunts passing off the band as a bunch of untalented puppets of which he was the puppetmaster and instead realized holy crap, this is an incredible band with an amazing album?

The most blatant moment of course is him pushing the rest of the band to fire bass player Glen Matlock....WHO HAD ONLY WRITTEN ALL THE SONGS FOR THEM!

Underrated Scene from ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES

Del Boy lets Rodney sit in the chair Uncle Albert just pissed on. 🤣 

SPOILER ALERT: I'm Fucking Right Again.

Well gee whaddya know, check out how one company's doing after telling Trump to go fuck himself:

The boss of vintage navigation company MapQuest has revealed the stunning spike in downloads and usage its seen since defying Donald Trump.

Trump signed an executive order to change Lake Ontario to “Lake America” on Aug. 27. The same day, MapQuest posted a map on X with the lake’s original name, and the caption “We’re not changing it.”

MapQuest’s stance saw them rewarded with a major spike in downloads, now more than 1.5 million in under a week. They remain the No.1 app overall on the U.S. and Canadian Apple App Store on Wednesday.

It's amazing how everybody love to lecture everybody that if you just stand up to a bully they'll back down because they’re cowards but seem to forget it almost every time when it comes to this piece of shit.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "didn't you fucking try to explain this to people over 20 years ago???!!"

Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did: 

6) I’ve always said that if I was on The Apprentice, let’s face of it, the odds of you actually winning are fairly slim. BUT when you get fired, instead of genuflecting “Thank you King Trump, thank you!” and slinking off, I’ve always thought you should fucking flip out, cause a scene. “WHAT? YOU’RE firing me? FUCK THAT, I’M firing YOU, motherfucker!!!” and try to flip that table over. Because you KNOW there’s a million hotshots around the world that HATE Trump and when they see the clip of you telling T-rump to go fuck himself, they’ll hire you for $200,000/year just to hang out, smoke cigars and tell everyone how you told Trump to go fuck himself.

Jeselnik to the Rescue

Anthony Jeselnik's one of my favorite comedians & a coupla months ago I was pleased to see that he had a book club going for which he doesn’t just list the books, he discusses each one for a full hour or so. Also, I was pleased to see I've read what he considers to be the great American novel, John Williams' Stoner, although I read it outside of America (Ireland) & found it pretty forgettable - to be honest have no idea what possessed me to pick it up in the first place back in 2019. 

ANYhoo he’s getting some love this weekend in The New York Times - or, as I call it, "The Times" - & I thought this in particular was interestingly hopeful:

What do your varied picks — ranging from Jim Thompson to Jenny Offill — have in common?
Two things: Most importantly, they’re short. I’m not naïve about the uphill battle I have in trying to get men to read literature. I feel like if I can keep things around 250 pages, then I can convince guys to try to read 12 books a year. They also have to be books that I’ve read and truly loved. I can’t sell it if I’m not passionate.
Why do you think men don’t read fiction?
This is a question that fascinates me. I think a lot of men view reading fiction as a frivolous waste of time. We’ve been conditioned to ignore the benefits of empathy. I think it’s a marketing problem. Reading should be sold to men like lifting weights for your brain.

In today's American race for every dude to be declared the biggest asshole in the world, it's nice to see him trying to reach men in particular.I 

ALSO!! While I appreciate David Sedaris & respect his career 100% agree with Jeselnik:

What’s a supposedly funny book that you just don’t find funny?
I have zero tolerance for David Sedaris.

ENJOY THE JESELNIK BOOK CLUB HERE!!!! 🤗

😜

Look...

....if there's not already a men's Big & Tall clothing store somewhere out there called Sirplus then I am really out of ideas for you people.

Ugh.

What’s interesting about Trump fans is that after 11 years now I haven’t once heard them say he didn't actually do any of the horrific things he’s accused of doing.

Yo Willie!

One day in the year 859549 when the extra-terrestrial archeologists find Planet Earth & dig up all our digital data they’ll note that the very first thing I ever uploaded to YouTube was ALF farting, and this pleases me. 

Xmastime Multiple Choice

A. How the fuck do you know?
B. Good news guys, in the future there will be resident parking.
C. Our hopes & dreams have a really hit a new floor.

I'll Say This.

It's de riguer/urban legend to subscribe to the theory that while only a coupla hundred people ever saw The Velvet Underground play almost all of them would be inspired to start their own bands due to the band’s apparent simplicity, and while I always have & always will consider this to be somewhat true, I've also noticed that from what I can tell exactly 0 of those bands have ever included a viola, which is curious since it's easily the most distinguishable/iconic sound of the band.

Random Xmastime Reprise

A guy at work today said there's nothing funnier than swearing at kids so of course this alltime Xmastime classic from 2008 popped into mind. 🤗🤣 #xmastimefilms #vintage

NEW XMASTIME SERIES: Numbers Other Than 69 That Are Sexy

NUMBER: 82
REASON IT'S SEXY: looks like a dwarf getting a blowjob

A Few Thoughts on Episode 7 of Season 4 of TED LASSO

WARNING: THESE ARE ALL AS I WROTE THEM IN REAL TIME I WILL NOT BE EDITING THIS SHIT, TOUGH LUCK LOSERS

Wow, developing some female characters outside of each other?? gee it only took 7 episodes
Believe sign in reverse colors from men’s?? (Check)
Danny Rojas cartwheel line from Rebecca legit lol
Scooter Roy YES PLEASE 🤣🤣🤣 WHY DID THEY END THE ROY ON A SCOOTER THING??? How hilarious would it be watching him have to use it all season??? argh blown opportunity here
I don’t feel like Roy or Dani Rojas would have a super sleazy agent? wouldn't Roy be one of those "fuck that I'm not paying some loser 10%" guys?
Ok the hour doctor’s hair style is officially a problem.
Who is this little kid hanging around and I can’t understand a word he fucking says
Keeley helped Ted with his online dating profile is nice but no Sunny Charlie scene
I can’t do anymore of the Gemma staring at Coach chilton
Roy and doctor was that the nicest breakup of all time ever?
Seriously who the fuck is this little kid?
Do we know why beard and Jane broke up?
Tracy Ullman is just incredible. The her/rebecca/higgins phone call shit was hilarious.

Fucking Pathetic.

RFK Jr. standing by as a toddler tries to destroy his uncle’s legacy - which includes writing a book titled Profiles in Courage - is about as on-brand for the Republican party in 2026 as you can get.