That Thing You Better @#$%ing Do, People!

According to my bff ChatGPT yesterday when I asked what day would make the moment at which we'll be an equal number of days since the release of That Thing You Do! as we were before it back to The Beatles invading America:

To match the 11,928 days from the Beatles landing in America → That Thing You Do! release:
You needed 1,189 more days beyond February 28, 2026.
✅ Equality date: June 1, 2029
On that day, the time from That Thing You Do! (Oct 4, 1996) to then will exactly equal the time from the Beatles’ U.S. arrival (Feb 7, 1964) to the movie’s release.

If I find we're nearing June 1, 2029, and I'm not sensing that enough of you people are making a big enough deal about this then I am going to flip the fuck out on you people, I swear to god. 

GREAT MOMENTS IN BACKGROUND ACTING, with Xmastime

I've featured some pretty incredible background work in my GREAT MOMENTS IN BACKGROUND ACTING, with Xmastime series and I promise to continue to do so even tho this performance by Max Castella in HBO’s “How’d they fuck this up?” Vinyl in 2016 should immediately declare the whole thing obsolete.

It doesn’t REALLY count because Castella’s actually in the scene and has lines, but every look and movement he makes behind Bobby Cannavale throughout should be hung in the rafters of the goddam Hall of Fame - to be honest, while plenty of his spoken lines really ARE great, I'd cut all of them before I'd cut a frame of his background work in this scene. Incredible. You people know I'd pay to watch Bobby Cannavale read the phone book, and Castella blows him away here even while Cannavale's doing "peak" Cannavale.

GREAT MOMENTS IN BACKGROUND ACTING, with Xmastime SCORE: Not applicable

PREVIOUS GREAT MOMENTS IN BACKGROUND ACTING, with Xmastime 

Depressing AF du Jour

I wrote this in one of my early THINGS ARE GOOD posts 20 years ago today:

2) I mean, seriously. This would be akin to us spending 4 years with an administration that is intent on us being completely raped at the gas lines and drugstores, lying to us about a war, having tax cuts that help only the ultra-rich, and generally having any future for ourselves or our children/grandchildren tossed into the toilet (all while, of course, driving other countries to hate our guts) and then standing up after 4 years and cheering wildly while we elect the same administration right back into office, THRILLED that the rich are about to get even richer and the “regular folks” are even more screwed than ever. I mean, that doesn’t happen right? That’s TOO crazy, right.

Oh but look at what was my #6 on the same TAG (trademarked moi!) list:

6) I’ve always said that if I was on the ‘Apprentice’, let’s face of it, the odds of you actually winning are fairly slim. BUT when you get fired, instead of genuflecting “Thank you King Trump, thank you!” and slinking off, I’ve always thought you should fucking flip out, cause a scene. “WHAT? YOU’RE firing me? FUCK THAT, I’M firing YOU, motherfucker!!!” and try to flip that table over. Cause you KNOW that there’s a million hotshots around the world that HATE Trump and when they see the clip of you telling T-rump to go fuck himself, they’ll hire you for $200,000/year just to hang out, smoke cigars and tell everyone how you told Trump to go fuck himself.

It's just unfuckingbelievable.

Xmastime On the End of Civilization

I think the last unsent text ever will be “okay fuck it you win no trans athletes in sports anymo-“

When I Make a Spotify Playlist for Somebody

🔥 HOT TAKES 🔥 with Xmastime

🔥 HOT TAKE: DANNY WHITE WAS A BETTER QUARTERBACK THAN ROGER STAUBACH & TO BE HONEST IT'S NOT EVEN AS CLOSE AS YOU'D THINK 🔥

Any NFL scout who watched either 20 minutes or 20 hours of game film on each without regard for final score or game situation would be insulted you even wasted their time asking them but somehow we regard Staubach as an all-timer and White has been lost in the dustbin of history; meanwhile White threw a BEAUTIFUL ball and calmly managed the game but never managed to have a defining win or even a defining moment while Staubach always seemed to be surrounded in utter chaos and is revered for pulling the Cowboys out of dire situations that nobody wants to admit were probably caused by Staubach himself.

PILING ON, by Xmastime: Staubach was lucky to get his second Super Bowl win because he only had to face the Broncos instead of the Steelers and Raiders, which was the equivalent of the '86 Lakers playing the Rockets in the Finals but even worse, to say nothing of him acting like a baby on national television after the Jackie Smith botched touchdown.

GAVEL!

Trump Begins 7th Inauguration by Reminding Everyone What a Mess He’s Inherited From the Biden Administration

Xmastime AI Art for Sal

Price: $999

Parking Lot

Current Events

There are no lengths Trump will not reach for to repeatedly show his supporters how fucking stupid they are.

Just Like That, My Weekend Has Presented Itself

Pretty sure I'm gonna spend waaaaaaaaaaay too much time looking for an opportunity to do one of these. 🤣🤣
  

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Racism > Capitalism? 🤔

It’s interesting that the United States prides itself on bloviating how much it is so singularly & ruthlessly addicted to capitalism and yet has also spent trillions of dollars fighting a war on drugs without apparently thinking for even a moment “gee here’s a product so amazing that people are willing to risk their lives for it, so maybe we should take about 10 minutes to figure out how to make it safe so then we can make a gazillion (legal) dollars with it” but hey I guess incarcerating as many black people as possible is more important, so 🤷‍♂️.

OCTFOAWTBA*

Out of the 999,999 times I've delved into my Apple TV settings I've gone straight to the NETWORK button & ONLY to the NETWORK button I would guess 999,992 times and so I can't help but then wonder WHY 👏 THE 👏 HELL 👏 DO 👏 YOU 👏 INSIST 👏 ON 👏 IT 👏 BEING 👏 THE 👏 11TH 👏 GODDAM 👏 BUTTON 👏 I 👏 HAFTA 👏 FUCKING 👏 SCROLL 👏 DOWN 👏 TO 👏 EVERY 👏 SINGLE 👏 TIME ?????? 😡😡😡😡

*Oh Come the Fuck On Already with This Bullshit, Apple

 

Insta du Jour

MUKLUKS: jonphotodump

 

Xmastime Announcement du Jour

I've spent the last 17 years shitting on A Confederacy of Dunces any chance I got, remembering how much I hated it but just now I see what I wrote about it at the time and ...I liked it?

So now I'm re-reading this fucker, will let you know my official re-verdict.

 

I'll Say This.

I'm unlucky with money in that I’ll never have any but I'm lucky in money in that I know to be scared of Crypto and I’m 99.999% sure every penny of that shit's gonna disappear into thin air at exactly 11:59am on January 20, 2029.

Current Events

It's ironic that the current presidential administration is the one that bitches and whines and cries nonstop about having to clean up after the previous administration more than any other presidential administration in American history is also the only presidential administration in American history that was the presidential administration before the previous presidential administration that the current presidential administration is bitching and whining and crying about nonstop.

A Note on Tuesday's State of the Union

I guarantee you Vegas has odds going right now re: the first US men' hockey player Trump shits on for being "disloyal" when they don't offer up enough praise for dear leader.

State du Moi

I seem to have hit that point of middle age where I'm constantly asking people “hey, did you just get a haircut?” 😬🤷‍♂️

20 Years Ago Today on Xmastime

Two proud Xmastime legends go head to head, Paddy Mac and Theodore!! 🤗🤣

Here they are discussing Marah's fan-dividing 2002 album Float Away with the Friday Night Gods (full disclosure - Xmastime loves the album, and has considered it to be his favorite Marah album at various times throughout the years). Enjoy, and yes - you ARE welcome!! 

XMASTIME: Let’s focus on the record, fellas. What do you consider your favorite cuts? Paddy Mac?
PADDY MAC: Definitely “Leaving”, which I’d put in my Marah Top 3.
XMASTIME: I love that one too. How bout you Theodore?
THEODORE: Ah, lessee...(looking over song titles) no. no. no. this one sounds gay. No. No. No. Gay. No. This one should be called “My Brother and I Will Be Homeless If We Keep Putting Out This Crap.”
PADDY MAC: Nice. Why don’t we just call them names and insult their mother?
THEODORE: Sounds better than having to talk about this “album” (Theodore asked me to note that as he said the word album he was making air quotes...or would if he had fingers...and could raise his arms)
XMASTIME:What about the big falling out with the fans, the large sense of betrayal...READ MORE