Friday, April 17, 2026
Xmastime Films
CELEBRATING AMERICA: Xmastime Watches the Artemis II Landing
Watch Previous Xmastime Films Here
WELL WELL WELL...
...after decades of our being relentlessly bleated to that the only way to have a good economy is slavish devotion to free markets, a report has been sprung saying oh gee whaddya know, that shit's actually wrong:
A report issued last month argues that the bank’s previous stance had things backward: Government intervention, when done right, can actually be an essential ingredient of economic success. Industrial policy “should be considered in the national policy toolkit of all countries,” the report concludes.Oh, and the bank they're referring too? Only that super-liberal pinko commie outfit known as (checks notes)(checks notes again) the World Bank.
“It’s hard to overstate what a big deal this is,” Jake Sullivan, who served as national security adviser under Joe Biden, told me. “The most important institutional voice in development economics just admitted that much of what we thought we knew about what made countries prosper was wrong.” The reversal is a bit like when the U.S. government announced that dietary cholesterol and fat are actually fine, conceding that decades’ worth of nutritional advice had been in error.
Brian: Look, I'm not going to Colorado. I'm turning around and going home.
Stewie:
Fine, then, I'll go by myself. See you from the back of my milk carton.
Want that on your conscience, Brian? Try explaining this to Lois.
You'll wind up in a dumpster with a bunch of slow, unadoptable
greyhounds.
Brian: Don't joke about that! That's like the Holocaust to us!
Stewie: Yeah, well, when greyhounds start running The New York Times and the World Bank, I'll be more inclined to believe you.
Teen Love: A Poem
if it hadn't been me
it would have been someone else
and it would've meant just as much to you
but if it hadn't been you
it wouldn’t have been anyone
it would have been someone else
and it would've meant just as much to you
but if it hadn't been you
it wouldn’t have been anyone
Advice for Young People. I Have It. [SPECIAL MEN'S ONLY EDITION]
I don't consider myself to be a man of great wisdom and I don't think anybody ever looks to me for advice but as I see all the young people in my life growing closer to adulthood there's one piece of advice I would like to pass on to them: it's great that whatever that thing you have that makes you attractive to women works so well in the beginning but you better have a number two thing because she'll get sick of number one pretty much right away.
Another Country Western Song Title in Search of a Song
You Were the Closest Thing My Teen Years Ever Came to Being a John Hughes Movie & I’ll Always Love You For It Even If You Broke My Heart
Insta(nt) Critique
This is stone-cold LOL hilarious but woulda been funnier if it was clear the kid never even took the bat off his shoulder. 🤣
Movie Ideas. I Have Them.
A Pixar short film that asks the question, "do Voyager 1 and Voyager 2 know the other one is out there?"
Here's Me Solving the Economy, You're Welcome
I've given up on the idea of taxing corporations, so my solution is to flip the script on them and actually GIVE them money: every year, the government PAYS THEM 1% of their earnings that year, but instead of using that money to buy another yacht they have to promise to actually invest it all back into their company, including sharing it with the company's workers (scary socialism, I know! I know!); this seems perfectly reasonable to me and is the closest thing to a win-win we’ll see anytime soon in this runaway economy of disparity.
Thursday, April 16, 2026
"Which Seat are You Picking?"
You think Mr. Bean is the obvious choice because he doesn’t talk but then you realize after a little while it’ll just be creepy af, like having a living doll next to you, so the obvious choice of course is Del Boy; by the end of the trip you'll be hypnotized by his charisma & bullshit so much you won't even mind he's robbing you blind. 🤣🤣🇬🇧❤️
Sometimes I Scare Myself with My Own Genius
Should-be Hold Steady lyric:
"And she said man when the Pet Sounds box set came out in '96PREVIOUS HOLD STEADY GENIUS FROM XMASTIME HERE
I drank it like water from a hose,
And then she threw her Big Gulp up all over my brand new Keds"
Brilliant du Jour
I don't agree with the premise - as you people know, Linus Van Pelt is one of history's greatest monsters - but the performance is unassailable. 🤣
Wednesday, April 15, 2026
We Love You Joey Ramone
I can’t believe it’s been 25 years since he died; it's the most hard-hitting celebrity death of my lifetime and it's confirmed every year when I realize not only do I love The Ramones' music even more than ever, but it's still Joey who pops into my head whenever I start getting down on myself, that I'm a loser and everybody hates me and all the rest, and it picks me right back up again.
As I update every year:
As I update every year:
If he can go from being told he’d always be a total nothing to someone whose life 25 years after his death is rolling down the hill picking up more & more meaning like snow on a snowball, then maybe the rest of us can too, no matter how we start out. Roll on, everybody. 4.15.2001
Tuesday, April 14, 2026
Current Events
People are in an uproar about Trump "accidentally" posting a picture of himself as Jesus Christ, with MAGA “outraged!”, which is funny since 1. it’s gonna cost him exactly 0 votes 2. if you asked his base to choose between him & Jesus then I have some bad news for fans of Jesus.
Here's a few things I've said since Trump was coming back into office (search them here yourself ffs I can't do anything ffs) that should show you exactly how surprised I am by all of this:
Here's a few things I've said since Trump was coming back into office (search them here yourself ffs I can't do anything ffs) that should show you exactly how surprised I am by all of this:
I'm putting the odds of Trump at some point before the 2024 election declaring that people should vote for him because he's the second coming of Christ (if he could in fact stomach making himself the #2 in this scenario) and losing 0 votes because of it at approximately 100%.It's only a matter of time before MAGA declares Trump to be the second coming of Jesus Christ; if he wins there will be an immediate pivot to declare that Jesus was born in America, and within 10 years this will be considered standard doctrine.
Just now I notice for the first time that Trump's father's middle name is "Christ"? So now Trump gets to actually be "humble" when he starts saying "now now, I would never say I'm the son of God....but I am the son of Christ."
If you're doubting whether or not Trump's idiot followers believe he's the second coming of Christ, note how it literally never matters what he says, they will always twist & interpret it however they wish it to be just like they do with the one book they allow themselves to pretend to read.
It's no wonder Christian nationalists love Trump so much - just like their God he's petty, needy, vengeful & always offering a promise juuuuuuuuuuuuuust over the horizon should they stay loyal to him that they can never quite attain.
Of course the people who most consider themselves to be Christians are also the ones who treat Trump like they do their god: he speaks in gibberish meant to be interpreted to mean whatever they want, and then they give him all their money. 🤔🤷♂️
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XMAS YOUR ENTHUSIASM: Season 6 Out Today!!
LISTEN HERE or wherever the hell you listen to podcasts. 🤗🕺
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