“Mr.________, should I take Summer school?”
"You? You couldn't get accepted to Summer school."
LOOKING FOR INVESTORS 💰💰💰💰
PREVIOUS XMASTIME, THE WORLD'S WORST HIGH SCHOOL GUIDANCE COUNSELOR HERE
Tuesday, November 10, 2026
Sitcom Ideas. I Have Them.
Xmastime, The World's Worst High School Guidance Counselor:
Ummmmmmm...
...how is this a "pretty wild backstory", por favor? This is only how about 20 gazillion times a bazillion songs have been written (so far!).
Insert eyeroll emoji here.
I'll Say This.
I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again: it’s interesting that we’ve all pretty much accepted it as fait accompli that every accusation Trump makes is really a confession & yet not once have I heard anyone consider that his Magnum Opus of this genre will one day be revealed to be that he rigged the 2024 election in the exact way he’s still screeching the Democrats did for the 2020 election.
Current Events
Trump would rather not get into Heaven than forgive his enemies:
President Donald Trump said he wouldn’t forgive some of his political enemies even if it kept him from entering heaven.If hating James Comey is what keeps you out of eternal heaven with the God you profess to love so much then I'd say James Comey wins.
"Let’s say you pass away, you're entering the next life, and all you have to do to enter paradise is feel love and forgiveness for James Comey, Nancy Pelosi, anyone who you have expressed hate for over the years," said Douthat. "Do you think you can do it?"
Then Douthat put it more bluntly: "Is the answer no before the Judgment (Day)?"
"The answer is no. I want to be honest,” said Trump, who was impeached twice by the U.S. House of Representatives while Rep. Nancy Pelosi was speaker.
Monday, November 09, 2026
Jelly du Jour
I haven't been this jealous since I found out about the guy who takes kids' shitty school drawings and honestly reviews them.
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "aren't you the OG of the subgenre, with your brilliant Vodka or Juice video from 2008?"
Sigh. Yes I am, faithful readers, YES I am!
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "aren't you the OG of the subgenre, with your brilliant Vodka or Juice video from 2008?"
Sigh. Yes I am, faithful readers, YES I am!
Sunday, November 08, 2026
Speaking of Richard Lloyd
I railed for years about the absurdity of rock critics trying to compare The Strokes to Television, a lazy premise that caught fire with rock critics because just like everybody else rock critics are lazy af & were happy to merely cut & paste, even though anyone with ears knew Verlaine/Lloyd were like dueling jazz maestros while The Strokes' two guitar players were perfectly fine to the point of being unremarkable and probably too many by one.
So I find it interesting that on the day Lloyd died, The Strokes - whose cultural significance is decades past & most people probably had no idea were still doing it - played Saturday Night Live. Interesting.
So I find it interesting that on the day Lloyd died, The Strokes - whose cultural significance is decades past & most people probably had no idea were still doing it - played Saturday Night Live. Interesting.
Richard Lloyd, RIP
After fighting it for 35+ years I finally go & fall in love with Television's Marquee Moon, and so Richard Lloyd goes ahead & dies on us. Goddammit.
From his obituary in The New York Times - or, as I call it, "The Times" - HERE:
Formed in 1973, Television was a pioneering part of the punk rock insurrection that coalesced around the Bowery club CBGB. The band was among the first of its kind to play at what had once been primarily a venue for country music and bluegrass and would only later become a springboard for acts like Blondie, Talking Heads and the Ramones.When I listen to Marquee Moon now, I 100% agree. Bummed it took so long, really.
Despite their fertile musical partnership, Mr. Lloyd and Mr. Verlaine had no personal contact for many years. Still, Mr. Lloyd never failed to give the band’s most famous member his due — up to a point.
“There’s no denying that Tom was a genius,” he told Guitar World. “He was a poet. I’m not poetic. "
“But,” he added, “in the realm of our magic, my guitar playing was on another level.”
Saturday, November 07, 2026
Friday, November 06, 2026
Thursday, November 05, 2026
I Am an Asshole du Jour
"Hey ChatGPT how can I find out how much money I've donated to the Check Out Hunger Campaign while checking out at Wegmans so I can casually let it be known at the most opportune moment in my social calendar?"
Xmastime's Ramones Thought du Jour (You're Welcome Very Much)
Maybe it's because the movie didn’t do too great but Pet Sematary is a wildly underrated/overlooked Ramones song; pure Dee Dee all the way, haunting words full of regret & dread with a wannabe gothic sound that still bounces. We love you Dee Dee! 🤗❤️🎸🕺
MORE Cheers to THE NEW YORKER, Animal-Style
I've mentioned several times before how incredible The New Yorker magazine cartoons laugh rate seems to be whenever they're about animals, most recently here, and the winning streak just keeps on going:
Xmastime Confessions
If I told you how much of my day is spent with the McDonald's "ba-da-bum-bump baaaaah, I'm lovin' it!" song running through my head then buddy let me tell you right now, you wouldn't believe it.
Wednesday, November 04, 2026
Xmastime Thoughts, by Xmastime
Imagine being born a motherfucking shark & then finding out you've got one of these lame-ass names; must be like making the Greyhound Bus Terrorist team.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)