Thursday, October 01, 2026
I'll Say This.
What's "wrong" is if this doesn't end up being an amazing legal drama, be it a movie or play - if you can't be tried for the same crime twice, how can you be executed for it twice?
Xmastime Walks
Walking past a young couple I wondered if the guy was gonna catch me eyeballing his hot girlfriend so he'd jump all up in my face and I'd get to cut him off with "hey buddy I'm just a fat fuck trying to get my 10,000 steps in like everybody else" and continue walking without even a brief pause.
A Few Thoughts on Episode 9 of Season 4 of TED LASSO
WARNING: THESE ARE ALL AS I TOLD THEM IN REAL TIME TO MY BFF ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋), I WILL NOT BE EDITING THIS SHIT, TOUGH LUCK LOSERS
I love Beard’s hair
I know someone’s gonna die. Is it Keeley? That would be pretty incredible, though I don’t know how I wouldn’t have heard about it by now.
Ted’s kid—I’m pretty sure he’s gonna go on a killing spree.
[Unclear transcription: “So, Mae, wise our boy. You go first.”]
Let me guess: Roy finds the fifty pregnancy tests in the cleverly hidden trash can in the bathroom.
What did I miss - How does Tracey Ullman have “wander in during a Rebecca meeting, sit down and just chill” privileges?
Really weird to hear Rupert’s name again.
The title credits are still floating in eight and a half minutes into the episode. [SIDE NOTE: yes we here at Xmastime have known/rolled our eyes at this kind of shit for years!!!!]
Glad they didn’t think of doing this whole “twins constantly finishing each other’s sentences” thing until the penultimate episode. Thank you.
I love everything about this new Beard. I wish they did a whole new Beard every episode. I love it.
Plus, as ridiculous as I think Keeley is—and she drives me nuts—I do think she’d be a good mother. I don’t know why, but that’s my gut instinct.
Do Mae and Beard go to the same barber?
It’s weird that Gemma went straight from “I don’t know if I even care about soccer” to “I’m gonna kill somebody if I don’t get back on the field,” and we didn’t really see the progress.
Oh, of course. It’s Mae that’s gonna die. That’s why they spent so much time with her this season.
One of the funniest things in the show is whenever Coach Chilton is just standing there with his hands in his pockets, staring out at the field. It’s just funny to me.
I wish I were more mature, but “I guess Gemma’s a virgin” from Beard is just legit funny. I’m sorry.
They’re back together, but now that they’re back together, I fucking hate Roy and Keeley. What are they doing now?
I am way too nervous for Shannon. I do not like this. Way too nerve-wracking.
Shannon is the worst defensive player ever, but the greatest offensive player in the world?
So you can just decide, “Oh, I’m gonna run down the field. You kick it to me and I’ll be wide open”? That’s just an easy decision in soccer?
Shannon’s goal puts them up by two. Why not make it a real game-winner?
I don’t understand the scores.
[Unclear transcription: “I running chilling in a hallway this whole time?”]
I mean, I’m sorry about Mae, but would her death be that dramatic? And I don’t want to be a dick, but did Rebecca even know her? But hey, we love you, Mae. Sorry.
Oh, finally: “In memory of Anthony Head.” Took nine episodes for them to acknowledge it.
Wednesday, September 30, 2026
Never Mind the Bollocks
I'm still too emotionally drained to talk about seeing the Sex Pistols last night - shoutout Brett Finnegan Jeff & Ryan! - but don't worry I'll have some video clips soon enough but in the meantime, I can't believe Steve Jones, guitar legend of all time, only has one, ONE!! guitar pedal! And even that was just a dumb Muff pedal he goofed around with on (I'm Not Your) Steppin Stone. Incredible. INCREDIBLE!! 🤯🤗🎸🇬🇧🕺
Tuesday, September 29, 2026
Happy Birfday RRTHUR!! (YES Ladies, THAT Rrthur!) 🤗🕺🤣🎉🎂🥳
"You wanna make sure your band practices? Book a show. You'll be amazed at how much a band is willing to practice if it knows it's about to embarrass itself." - Rrthur (YES, ladies, THAT Rrthur!!!!!), Feb 1999
Monday, September 28, 2026
Instant Karma's Gonna Get You
As soon as I saw this across the street from my building I knew I was gonna challenge the all-time Tragic Short Story champion, "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." with something akin to “Infant Cemetery Officially Opens” but didn’t wanna put something like that out into the Universe so I decided not to, you’re welcome very much. 😞
Sunday, September 27, 2026
Brilliant du Jour
BRITISH SITCOMS DESCRIBED BY PEEP SHOW
You have to be a real BBC fan like me to understand these - sorry you fucking rubes, but it's true - but whoever put this together absolutely nailed every one. 🤗🙌🤣🇬🇧🇬🇧🤣
Short Story, by Xmastime
Earlier on the Metro (as opposed to in the future on the Metro? Dammit Xmastime!) I noticed out of the corner of my eye a stunningly beautiful woman with olive skin in dark sunglasses & a bright white cotton button-down shirt staring at me.
I could feel myself morphing moment by moment into whatever it was I could sense she was looking for in a soulmate as she continued to stare at me while I could feel every pulse of blood pumping through my body to the rhythm of the train gunning itself down the track as fast as polished steel (Mukluks: Townes Van Zandt).
Finally the train stopped & we both stood up; this is it, I bellowed in my head, surely our both getting off at the same stop after she's been staring at me for the last 45 minutes means we're meant to be together!
And then she waved a long white stick at the floor in front of us and used it to briskly walk by me without even remotely glancing in my direction.
I could feel myself morphing moment by moment into whatever it was I could sense she was looking for in a soulmate as she continued to stare at me while I could feel every pulse of blood pumping through my body to the rhythm of the train gunning itself down the track as fast as polished steel (Mukluks: Townes Van Zandt).
Finally the train stopped & we both stood up; this is it, I bellowed in my head, surely our both getting off at the same stop after she's been staring at me for the last 45 minutes means we're meant to be together!
And then she waved a long white stick at the floor in front of us and used it to briskly walk by me without even remotely glancing in my direction.
Questions. I Have Them.
After seeing how hilarious having a character named "Captain Darling" was on Blackadder, how has there never been a tv show or movie about a Colonel in the Confederate Army whose last name is Sanders? 🤔🤷♂️
Saturday, September 26, 2026
HAPPY BIRFDAY PADDY MAC!! 🤗🕺🥳🎂
A stroll through memory lane, if you will:
Paddy Mac, Football Star!
Hello Paddy Mac!
Paddy Mac vs. Theodore Album Review
Paddy Mac hits the mats!
Fall 2006
From a few summers ago.
"Yeah well tell that @#$%ing jackass he better pay me if he wants to post this shit!!
Friday, September 25, 2026
RIP Curbdug Legend
One of my longest-held memories is reading about something called a pooper-scooper in the beginning of Judy Blume's Superfudge, the sequel to her immortal Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing; the idea of people living in an apartment building in a big city (was I even cognizant enough to wonder if it was New York City?) was fantastical enough, but reading about some sort of tool designed to pick up dog turds really flipped the wig off my head, to the point that it was the first thing that occurred to me when I just now saw that the inventor of the pooper-scooper has died at 93.
Ted Lasso Notes!!!
I asked my bff ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋) to put my very thoughtful & very brilliant notes to the latest Ted Lasso episode into an easy-to-read infographic & they even arranged the notes by subject! 🤗🕺 Enjoy! And yes, you ARE very welcome!!
Questions. I Have Them.
Can you really be in love with someone if you don't have their city in your weather app? 🤔🤷♂️
Short Story, by Xmastime
Earlier today I found myself near a woman in Wegmans who could best be described as "ahummidy hummidy omg!"; in other words, not only easy on the peepers but pleasing to the utmost degree.
Thinking at a speed which bellied my usual sluggishness I instantly took a few steps towards the Halloween candy aisle. "She'll think I'm great with kids, that'll pique her interest & this'll be the story we tell our grandchildren one day!"
Then I realized that to her I’d be some fat guy poking around Halloween candy a month before Halloween, so I just keep walking without looking back.
A Few Thoughts on Episode 8 of Season 4 of TED LASSO
WARNING: THESE ARE ALL AS I TOLD THEM IN REAL TIME TO MY BFF ChatGPT (hey ChatCPT! 👋👋👋👋), I WILL NOT BE EDITING THIS SHIT, TOUGH LUCK LOSERS
53 minutes? Fuuuuuuuuuck.
They’re playing “Light of Day,” the Joan Jett version of, of course, of the Bruce Springsteen rocker. Which, if I’m correct, and I believe I am, also starred a young Michael J. Fox, right in his Alex P. Keaton prime. Awesome. Terrible movie, however, but a great song.
Ah, nothing like a Ted Lasso winning montage. Snooze.
What if one of the Post-it notes they put the BELIEVE sign was like the N-word? Something crazy, terrible.
Possible to get some soccer announcers that are kind of semi-normal? Is the message to us who don’t know any better that they’re all fucking crazy? Why?
Oh, they’re leaving the star in the game to go for a hat trick. Let me guess. She gets injured.
Oh, good. Yep, nailed that one by two seconds just in time too. Sad, but pretty obvious.
Her injury’s gonna be the exact same as the coach, and that’s how that’s gonna be a connection.
I’m not saying Coach Chilton isn’t attractive. I’d be lucky to date her. She wouldn’t give me the time of day. But I would say she may be described as “Seussian”, and I say that with affection and love.
Sorry, but by season four, it’s too late for Ted Lasso to make a long string of acronyms joke.
Roy’s talking to Ted about being in love with Keeley, and we’re not getting the Diamond Dogs? This is fucking killing me.
Roy’s obstinance about being celebrated by Chelsea is way over the top. It’s too silly.
Wait, so how come a professional women’s team that’s owned by a Premier League owner—why can’t they get a doctor to see this woman? What?
This pains me to say, but this is my least favorite Tracy Ullman ever, and it’s not even close. Maybe it’ll turn around.
When did Keeley and Roy ever fight like this? I feel like they’ve gone from zero to a thousand with the fighting. It’s a bit over the top.
Hey, I like seeing Higgins on the case!
Kaylee would surely be covered in blood with the whole sunroof exit thing?
The wordless minute scene with Ted Lasso and Coach Childress was touching...
…but the way she jumped off the couch when Beard walked in—ding ding ding, alarm bells.
Gee, of the two of them doing it? Come on.
How is Beard so tan?
The Keeley-Roy thing is even more exhausting than their whole breakup has been. What the fuck.
If someone hadn’t already hipped me to the fact that this is when Roy and Keely finally get back together, I would’ve thrown my fucking tv out the fucking window.
Wait, so Coach Chilton’s entire speech to Rebecca, which I was very moved by, in the end is just for some vague, “Hey, think about Gemma, if you could.” What? Like, that’s it? Just—oh, god damn it.
Rebecca calls her Alice all of a sudden. Interesting.
Right back to Coach Chilton. Also interesting.
I love seeing Higgins getting some love from the fellas at the pub!
Wow. That scene with May was terrifying. She literally looks like a snake. This is like the first—she’s like the woman in the first scene of An American Werewolf in London.
I’ve paused it. I’m assuming when I hit unpause, she’s joking, because I was not expecting this turn.
Okay, thank God. It was a ruse. Okay. I was upset for a second there.
I know I’m 12 years old, but “sucking on Kool-Aid Man’s dick” got an LOL. It is what it is.
Did I just crack this case? The person selling the shares or whatever that Higgins is trying to solve—is it going to be the Tracey Ullman character? Seems pretty obvious now.
Lot of speeches for Coach Chilton this week.
I really, really like Gemma’s mom. She’s great. Hilarious.
Again - Why is it so hard for a professional soccer team to get a doctor? Weird.
Fuck, Rupert’s alive? I assumed he had died, rip Anthony Head. Wow, that was strange.
This Roy/Keeley stuff seems to be a bit of a recreation of the She’s a Rainbow episode, which was great. This, I mean, it’s got me. I mean, you know, I’m not made of stone, but it seems to be a lesser version of that. We’ll see how it turns out, though.
Thank god out long national nightmare is over. They’re back together, finally. Jesus, we’re not getting that—we’re not getting that time back in our lives.
Oh shit, it’s Roy Kent’s ex-girlfriend, the doctor with the world’s worst haircut. Oh damn. Snap.
I wouldn’t say it’s a terrible episode. I’m bawling through half of it, but should we just accept Ted Lasso’s never going to be funny again?
That was quite a journey. 😂
That spacing should work really nicely as a running live-watch post without turning it into one gigantic wall of text.
53 minutes? Fuuuuuuuuuck.
They’re playing “Light of Day,” the Joan Jett version of, of course, of the Bruce Springsteen rocker. Which, if I’m correct, and I believe I am, also starred a young Michael J. Fox, right in his Alex P. Keaton prime. Awesome. Terrible movie, however, but a great song.
Ah, nothing like a Ted Lasso winning montage. Snooze.
What if one of the Post-it notes they put the BELIEVE sign was like the N-word? Something crazy, terrible.
Possible to get some soccer announcers that are kind of semi-normal? Is the message to us who don’t know any better that they’re all fucking crazy? Why?
Oh, they’re leaving the star in the game to go for a hat trick. Let me guess. She gets injured.
Oh, good. Yep, nailed that one by two seconds just in time too. Sad, but pretty obvious.
Her injury’s gonna be the exact same as the coach, and that’s how that’s gonna be a connection.
I’m not saying Coach Chilton isn’t attractive. I’d be lucky to date her. She wouldn’t give me the time of day. But I would say she may be described as “Seussian”, and I say that with affection and love.
Sorry, but by season four, it’s too late for Ted Lasso to make a long string of acronyms joke.
Roy’s talking to Ted about being in love with Keeley, and we’re not getting the Diamond Dogs? This is fucking killing me.
Roy’s obstinance about being celebrated by Chelsea is way over the top. It’s too silly.
Wait, so how come a professional women’s team that’s owned by a Premier League owner—why can’t they get a doctor to see this woman? What?
This pains me to say, but this is my least favorite Tracy Ullman ever, and it’s not even close. Maybe it’ll turn around.
When did Keeley and Roy ever fight like this? I feel like they’ve gone from zero to a thousand with the fighting. It’s a bit over the top.
Hey, I like seeing Higgins on the case!
Kaylee would surely be covered in blood with the whole sunroof exit thing?
The wordless minute scene with Ted Lasso and Coach Childress was touching...
…but the way she jumped off the couch when Beard walked in—ding ding ding, alarm bells.
Gee, of the two of them doing it? Come on.
How is Beard so tan?
The Keeley-Roy thing is even more exhausting than their whole breakup has been. What the fuck.
If someone hadn’t already hipped me to the fact that this is when Roy and Keely finally get back together, I would’ve thrown my fucking tv out the fucking window.
Wait, so Coach Chilton’s entire speech to Rebecca, which I was very moved by, in the end is just for some vague, “Hey, think about Gemma, if you could.” What? Like, that’s it? Just—oh, god damn it.
Rebecca calls her Alice all of a sudden. Interesting.
Right back to Coach Chilton. Also interesting.
I love seeing Higgins getting some love from the fellas at the pub!
Wow. That scene with May was terrifying. She literally looks like a snake. This is like the first—she’s like the woman in the first scene of An American Werewolf in London.
I’ve paused it. I’m assuming when I hit unpause, she’s joking, because I was not expecting this turn.
Okay, thank God. It was a ruse. Okay. I was upset for a second there.
I know I’m 12 years old, but “sucking on Kool-Aid Man’s dick” got an LOL. It is what it is.
Did I just crack this case? The person selling the shares or whatever that Higgins is trying to solve—is it going to be the Tracey Ullman character? Seems pretty obvious now.
Lot of speeches for Coach Chilton this week.
I really, really like Gemma’s mom. She’s great. Hilarious.
Again - Why is it so hard for a professional soccer team to get a doctor? Weird.
Fuck, Rupert’s alive? I assumed he had died, rip Anthony Head. Wow, that was strange.
This Roy/Keeley stuff seems to be a bit of a recreation of the She’s a Rainbow episode, which was great. This, I mean, it’s got me. I mean, you know, I’m not made of stone, but it seems to be a lesser version of that. We’ll see how it turns out, though.
Thank god out long national nightmare is over. They’re back together, finally. Jesus, we’re not getting that—we’re not getting that time back in our lives.
Oh shit, it’s Roy Kent’s ex-girlfriend, the doctor with the world’s worst haircut. Oh damn. Snap.
I wouldn’t say it’s a terrible episode. I’m bawling through half of it, but should we just accept Ted Lasso’s never going to be funny again?
That was quite a journey. 😂
That spacing should work really nicely as a running live-watch post without turning it into one gigantic wall of text.
An Open Letter to Whomever Chose the Thumbnail for the Only Video of THE CROSSING I Can Ever Find on YouTube
Dear Whomever Chose the Thumbnail for the Only Video of THE CROSSING I Can Ever Find on YouTube,
Please choose a different thumbnail; whenever it pops up on my screen it freaks me the fuck out as I think it's some sort of marble ghost gliding out of the dark forest. Anything else would be preferable, thank you very much.
I remain,
Xmastime
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