On Trump's newest slush fund.
We spent about 245 years as a country proudly claiming our rebellious nature, refusing to ever bend the knee to another man as those we turn our noses up would a king, but it turns out that not only did we jump to do exactly that the very first time the opportunity came up, but now we seem to be imploring one man to please take as much of our money as he possibly can as well.
I’ve long assumed that what’s truly intoxicating about being a Congressman is its enormous power, and yet around 270 of the most powerful people in the world have happily handed all that power away to one person. I’ve long assumed that one of the principal incentives for Republicans in general has been in controlling the country’s money, and yet around 270 of the most powerful people in the world are now happily handing all the money away to one person.
So I don’t think it’s crazy to ask why? Why would incredibly powerful, successful people forfeit of all things power and money, the very things they rose to their positions in the first place, so easily; either they’ve miscalculated & have set themselves up for great disappointment, or what’s waiting for us is even more horrifying than we’ve been assuming.
Wednesday, May 20, 2026
Tuesday, May 19, 2026
Former Mrs. Xmastime Candidate Made Good! 😜🤣
Wow you know you've made it when you're one of the possible WRONG answers to a quiz question in The New York Times - or, as I call it, "The Times"! 🤗😜❤️🕺
I still chose her even tho I knew she wasn't the correct answer because that's just the kind of American Badass I am, no apologies.
Monday, May 18, 2026
Long Live KIDS IN PHILLY
Longtime Xmastime buddy Kiko Jones asks a great question:
A lot of the bands I've always been in love with the most were either broken up (e.g. The Clash) or long past their prime (e.g. The Ramones) by the time I could've seen them, but I'd have to say the one band I could use as an answer is Marah; whether or not it’s even your favorite Marah album (Float Away is mine) Kids in Philly will always be known as both their musical peak and their “this is their moment!” peak, it’s both their Sgt. Pepper and Summer of Love, and I was lucky enough to see a bunch of shows that tour including the record release party & one autumn weekend run in particular that’s still a Top 5 music moment for me; everything magical about music I believed in seemed to be coming into being & focus just for me, and at the center of that in more ways than one was Marah's masterpiece.
The PSC, Peter Leroy & Me
A few days ago I crossed my one-year mark as a member of the Panera Sip Club (Mr. Braggy McBraggerson, table for 1!) & it coincided with my first "where the fuck's my cup?" run since it all began; 3 times over the last 8 or so trips I've had to ask for my cup & the same guy always scrambles the jets to make sure I do, his own time & safety be damned, and while I find it charming (to be honest it’s the perfect opening I've been looking for re: talking to someone about just letting me use my own cup every time) it also cracks me up wondering if the kid’s just trying to hustle for a tip like my all-time fave Peter Leroy 🤗🤣🤣❤️ (see below oh that's right there's more!).
Unfortunately for him, my policy as a Panera Sip Club member (code name Sir Bragsalot!) is that I refuse to tip unless I do actually purchase something, for which I’m happy to tip like 50-60%, but I do really appreciate the effort. 👍🤗🕺
Once again unfortunately for him, as a Panera Sip Club member (greetings from Bragging Camp!) I think I’ve ordered something else there maybe twice throughout the entire year, but I do really appreciate the effort. 👍🤗🕺
In America.
Only Trump can take an already incredibly shitty idea and somehow make it stunningly worse:
The Justice Department on Monday announced the creation of a $1.776 billion fund to compensate President Donald Trump’s allies who claim they were unfairly targeted by the previous administration.It’s an unprecedented move that would allow the president’s administration to pay his supporters from a government agency he controls with taxpayer money.
Its creation comes as Trump dropped his $10 billion lawsuit alleging that the Internal Revenue Service failed to protect Trump and the Trump Organization from an unauthorized leak of their tax returns.
Trump has now put us in a position in which we have to agree that simply handing him $10B of our dollars is a good solution, since otherwise instead of having one fucking maniac to deal with if that fucking maniac happens to find himself as the most powerful person in the world we're basically telling anybody that if you violently attack the US capital you will not only go unpunished, you will be rewarded financially. Incredible.
Sunday, May 17, 2026
State du Moi.
I had an argument with my new BFF ChatGPT (👋 hi ChatGPT!!!) when they told me I should be washing my towels every other day & I suggested that either I understand how the procedural order of showering/drying works or they understand how the procedural order of showering/drying works but both of us cannot possibly understood how the procedural order of showering/drying works.
Saturday, May 16, 2026
Promises. I Make Them.
As president I'll be nice to all the billionaires IF they can pay & convince Jordan & Barkley to do a nightly poker game live on TV; I don't even care who the other players are, let's just get the shit-talking started with these two old friends coming back to each other after decades of a beyond-stupid feud and see how President Xmastime has united the country without it even noticing.
You're pre-welcome, everybody!
OTHER XMASTIME PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN PROMISES (so far)
- All adults will be able to order off the kids menu at restaurants
- Anybody who brags about how they ONLY will make popcorn the old-fashioned way on their stove top goes directly to jail.
- Life in prison for anyone who gives Joe Walsh a free pass for associating himself with the shittiest/most boring band of all time The Eagles
- I promise to make it illegal for Amazon to sell books that have passed into public domain & can be printed out by any shithead with a printer without making it clear on their site
- I will force McDonalds to get rid of its McRib nonsense
- No more blowing your nose in front of other people
- It will only be legal to run a goddam leaf blower on Saturdays between 8:00am-8:59am. No exceptions.
- Michael Jordan & Charles Barkley have to be best friends again
- Every tv show has to do a dinner murder mystery bottle episode
- Serving sizes will make sense to human beings who don't get paid to be food serving size scientists; for instance, one serving of potato wedges would be "one potato wedge" & not some wildly unhelpful "3 oz" bullshit.
- I will make the Dancing in the Dark video disappear form the internet forever. We've all suffered enough, none more than Bruce himself.
Friday, May 15, 2026
Dreams. I Have Them.
Everybody's wringing their hands re: "what if Trump is president while in jail?" but nobody seems to find it remarkable that apparently if you're a convicted felon you can run for president and BE the president, but you cannot VOTE for a president. - XMASTIME, 2023
Efuckingnough
I've bitched about the Boomers, the shittiest generation in human history, for just about the entire time I've had this blog & this absolute piece of shit shithead responding to a kid like this is just another example of the myriad reasons we need to fucking get these fucking ancient motherfuckers THE FUCK OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY.
Absolutely nothing of any of substance is going to improve as a collective for any generation in this country until the dust from these fucking assholes has long blown over the graveyard and, since everybody else has had to stand around on the sidelines twiddling their thumbs without getting any real experience, probably longer than that.
Absolutely nothing of any of substance is going to improve as a collective for any generation in this country until the dust from these fucking assholes has long blown over the graveyard and, since everybody else has had to stand around on the sidelines twiddling their thumbs without getting any real experience, probably longer than that.
Thursday, May 14, 2026
HOLY CRAP! The Beatles du Jour
Like a gazillion other Beatles fans from around the world I got to take a picture of 3 Savile Row from the street & never once dreamed of ever getting an inside peak, but now they're turning the building into an entire experience based around their iconic & final performance on the rooftop:
3 Savile Row is one of the most iconic buildings in British pop and rock: the former home of the Beatles’ record label Apple Corps, and the location of the band’s final public performance when they took to its rooftop in 1969.
Apple Corps has now re-acquired the building in Mayfair, central London, and plans to open it to the public as a new tourist attraction in 2027.
Across seven floors, The Beatles at 3 Savile Row will showcase items from the Apple Corps archives and host temporary exhibitions and a shop. The biggest attractions, however, will be a recreation of the studio where the band recorded their last album, Let It Be, and access to the rooftop where that poignant final concert was performed.
While I’m shrieking with joy how much I wanna go there the second it’s open I'm also wondering wait what took so long?
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "didn't you rather hilariously live-blog the entire Get Back documentary when it premiered?"
Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did - and you can start with PART ONE HERE YOU'RE WELCOME!!!
Here's my incredible pics from 2015.
We Love You Pete Buck! 😜
I've banged on about this a million times over the years on Xmastime (NOTE: you are reading Xmastime):
How the fuck awful of a singer can Peter Buck possibly be? I mean, I can understand R.E.M. not letting him sing, but a fun supergroup of his buddies in which he plays bass and they sing songs about baseball, and even THEN they don't even put a mic on his side of the stage?
Meanwhile, here he is not only playing a cover of Drivin n Cryin's classic Straight to Hell with Mike Mills & Kevin Kinney, but it's a song every fucking sorority sister has drunkenly shouted along to at every frat party since 1989 and THEY STILL WON'T LET THIS MOTHERFUCKER NEAR A MICROPHONE!!! 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
Questions. I Have Them.
Why isn’t the Civil War called “The War Between the Poor White Guys Who Wanted to Save a Labor Market in Which They Competed Against Guys Getting Paid a $0 Per Year Salary and the North”?
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