The Nighttime Whisperer

I am approaching two years in my Manny career. I have taken on a second kid part time as well. I am responsible for about 6-8 naps a week. And guess what? I get them all. Every one. You know why? Cause I'm the best, that's why. All it takes is a look as I'm putting a kid down, and he knows "you know what...I can scream and kick and cry all I want, this dude ain't coming back til after I've slept. So I might as well fall right to sleep, get it over with."

Reading this on Mamalizza this morning, I've realized my true calling: The Nighttime Whisperer. You have a baby, and you're going through hell getting him or her to sleep through the night? You don't have the guts to wait out the screeching cries? You go running to scoop the baby up to bring him or her to your bed? Spend most of your evening going through bizarre rituals to finally get the kid to sleep? You and yours endlessly fighting due to lack of sleep?

Enough.

Let me take this burden away from you. You call me. I show up. I put the kid to bed. You and yours go on about your lives - do your taxes, go downstairs, go fuck on the couch, I don't care. Leave the baby crying to me. I will put the kid down, then walk out into the living room and wait. Prolly while watching tv. Blood curdling screams and crying? Don't care. Crying and screaming til they're hoarse? Too bad for them. I do not budge. I am not attached to your kid, I do not care about your kid, but I do know that after 3 or 4 nights the kid will be whipped into falling asleep when head hits pillow. Period. All while you the parent are blissfully unaware of any crying pangs of misery from the kid.

Oh yeah: I ain't doing the shit for free.