Oh, British Noel!

Some of you know that this year I allowed myself to become a bit of an Angliophile, fueled mostly by my falling in love with Gordon Ramsay (see HERE and HERE for two examples.) So how refreshingly odd was it to end the year with a group of British people? There were about a dozen at the wedding I was at last weekend, and as they were in town for almost a week and spent most of their days hanging around the bride's house, I came to learn a few things about our friends to the east. Or west, if you wanna go through Indiana.

First of all, they all looked like they were straight out of central casting from 1970's BBC - the uncles who look like they're in the middle of a drinking session at that pub in An American Werewolf in London and only say things that are hysterically funny, and an aunt anchored in the kitchen who doesn't smile while shooting both deadpan insults and wildly funny shit barely above her own breath across the room, all while baking rack after rack of cookies and boiling water almost constantly. She was my favorite, everything she said cracked me up while making me think "oh, come on...she's a little TOO dead on, no???!!" I kept expecting her to introduce me to Kitty Kelley while declaring war on France.

One thing I also realized is that even though I'm 36 years old I don't think I had ever actually MET British people. No matter how much I'd heard it on tv etc, those accents up close are something, right? I found myself thinking "hey guys, it's just me, you can stop acting." Right? As if whenever I was out of the room they lapsed into gnawing on Big League Chew while weeping over Dale Earnhardt, then "Bald Eagle's approaching the room - let's DO this, guys!" as I walked back in. And then when one of the kids started piping up, I was really thrown for a loop; my first thought was "wow, how'd she learn that so young? awesome!" as if she was Rich Little doing Paul McCartney, some parlor trick meant to be rolled out for weddings and bar mitzvahs. It was a weird thing - I think I'd be less surprised if all of a sudden a dog started talking to me as I was when a child started speaking with a British accent in front of me. Awesome.

Also, British people know every word to every verse to every Christmas Carol ever written. Like any American I'd MAYBE make it through a first verse, add some zeal to the chorus so everyone thinks I knew the song, then mumble the rest. Not the Brits - they'd go on and on through verses I didn't know exist. All the lords a-leaping, all seven verses of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, Rudolph annoying LC on The Hills, they knew them all. Fascinating.

I gotta be honest, having British people hanging around during Christmas really adds something, some weird cheerful cozy Dickensian thing that's hard to describe. Although, I guess I just did (NAILED it!) There must be some way to rent them out for a few days, just have them walking in and out of the room as you're decorating the tree, right? Is there a service for this? Or....am I about the make a BILLION farthings?!??!?!!