Soccer - BOY Was I Wrong

It's been almost exactly 2 years now and BOY did I get the whole David Beckham thing wrong!

And fuck David Beckham. I believe you people know how I fel about soccer. This stupid deal, $50M a year, will bankrupt the leaguue. Every 4 years we gotta hear about how soccer's gonna blow up, it never happens and it ain't now. “But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “the ladies love him!!" Yes. That's great. But are they gonna be shelling out $150 to sit a mile up in the bleachers when they can spend $1.50 to see closeups of him in InTouch every week? Hellz no. That's not how a menage-mois works, peoples. This whole thing will pick up 3 new fans, we'll hafta sit through weeks of "this is it!! soccer's taking over america!!" before it dies as usual.

anwyways. Now I'm starving. Been thinking a lot lately about putting deviled ham spread on italian suasage, wrapped up in a just-barely-melting fat fucking slice of provolone. We'll see. Oh goody, Brokeback is on.

I mean damn, only two years later and here I am looking at an empty Meadowlands on tv - who cares about the Giants playoff game when we're only 10 weeks away from our beloved Red Bulls kicking off their season in Seattle against the scrappy Sounders??!! Seriously, I don't know what's annoying me more right now - my corner bodega constantly being sold out of this season's Topps MLS cards (even with soccer I will not stoop to Fleer), or the neighborhood kids kicking the ball against my building 8, 10 hours a day/night. Thirty 11 year-olds scrambling around in their Beckham jerseys, gleefully screaming out things like "offsides!" and "offsides!", loving every minute of it. Hell, I avoid neighborhood bars now cause let's face it, how many times can you almost come to blows with another drunkard while arguing about what Barcelona and Brightstar need to do differently for soccer to succeed in South Florida, and what are the advantages for Miami Barca playing at Florida International University (on THAT field turf???!!) I also don't know how I got roped into coaching one of the local little league teams, but as long as I can tivo Monday Night American Football, I guess I won't miss anything important. Hey, I didn't think Beckham would be able to do it, but here we are. I was way wrong HERE when I lambasted soccer. Everybody else was right - soccer has now taken over the country, as witnessed by the millions of young boys playing paper soccer in high school libraries across the land. Thank you, David Becks!!!!!!!