Things That Make My Head Explode, Vol. XXVVVVVXXXXXXVVVI

Why am I tipping delivery guys if the restaurant has already tacked on a fucking "delivery fee"? Wtf - I thought my tip WAS the delivery fee!!! When the fuck did this start? "Okay, the pizza is $12, tip the driver what you want, and then we're just gonna randomly add on this other $2 and hope you don't notice it. Thanks!"

So I end up paying $4 extra on a $12 pizza that took you about 4 minutes to bring on your fucking Vespa? Really? For fuck's sake, at least make it look tough even; make me think you suffered a bit getting here. Take some advice from my favorite book of all time, Peter Leroy:




Also - can you at least TELL me about the goddam fee over the phone? I like to make the transaction as quick and clean as possible; I arrange the money beforehand so I can merely walk down the stairs and hand it to him, knowing what the exact total is. I don't like being told "oh yeah, gimme an extra $2" and hafta hope that I brought down another $2 with me. I don't bring down my whole fucking financial portfolio and then slowly peel through my bills for 20 minutes, as if surprised the delivery appeared from out of thin air and I hafta pay for it. In other words, I'm not a woman.

I guess it's the Peter Leroy in me.