Tweet This, Mofo

Because this is what my Friday nights have become, I found myself watching Larry King for a few minutes, and Ashton Kutcher, the newly crowned Twitter King, was on blowing up how great Twitter was blah blah blah. At one point Larry asked how Twitter will make money, to which Ashton fumbled around a bit before saying that they're "working on it", and will come up with a way.

First of all, I doubt it. It's already too late for Twitter. Twitter's an example of one of the great things about the internet: it's free. Millions and millions and millions of people are all (cough) a-twitter (sorry) about it - but the second they said "okay, now pay us $9.95/mo. for it," how many people would stay? Incredibly few, I would think - people don't like to pay for things that they were getting for free unless they're Charlie Sheen. Also, how long do you thing it would be for the next "Twitter" to replace Twitter? Five minutes? Interactive social internet media have already stacked up a nice body count by the roadside in only a matter of years, and I'm sure the rate of such shedding will only increase. So Twitter's fucked.

Another obstacle to making money on something like that online is that interacting on Twitter is not to the exclusion of anything else; ie as I'm twittering I can be reading Facebook, IMing and blogging simultaneously. I can look at as many websites as I can physically minimalize each window into my computer screen. Right now I've got open on my computer: YouTube, YouPorn, PornHub, HubPorn, PornCone, CornPone and UrbanBaby.com (shopping).

Huge money-making media of the past was not like that. In the heyday of broadcast television, watching NBC meant not only were you watching NBC, but it meant you WEREN'T watching CBS or ABC; advertizers were able to shower their money accordingly. People could only listen to one radio station at a time. Today, the exact same 25 million people can be looking at the exact same 100 websites throughout the course of a day, simultaneously even; so how do I sell my website above another?

The point is, I've given myself til midnight to create an Earth-changing business plan to solve this whole conundrum for the Internet. Stay tuned. And somebody tell me what the fuck a business plan looks like.