The Onion:
Father Clancy Donahue of St. Michael Catholic Church told reporters Wednesday that while he believed in blindly adhering to the dogma and ceremonies of his faith, he tried not to get too bogged down by actual spirituality.Moi:
I like it when these complete sluts on tv sit in their mini-skirts made out of see-thru band-aids and brag about their lofty Zen-ness by claiming "I'm not religious but I'm very spiritual." Which is of course slut-ese for "get up before 4pm? On the weekend? Are you for reals?"Obviously nobody from the Onion is reading this shit I post here everyday, some riffs are just out there in the spheres for the taking. If you wanna claim that I'm some sort of super-genius go right ahead, but I'd suggest you be more impressed by the fact that I once masturbated 11 times in one day. And once plowed over a dog and didn't even stop, speeding right on cackling like a mad hatter ("fuck you, asshole!!") And once ate out some stank ("snatched"?) while a dog ate out my infected big toe. And ate 15 rolls in one sitting at lunch in high school. And scored the winning basket in the greatest basketball game ever played. One time I sat on the bowl so long I forgot what day it was. Also, I have perfect lips, and can do a dead-on impression of a Chinese waitress.
Just once I'd like to see one of these whores brag "I'm super religious; I go to Mass every day, but I'm not spiritual at all. There's nothing there, I'm a vacuous tube, but I loooooove religion and going to church."
2 comments:
I still think I got you on the roll eating record in the Intermediate School age division thanks to my best friend, Jadian. But that is my only similarity to your HoF accomplishments there.
after enjoying the great rolls in elementary school the rolls at the intermediate school were inexplicably disgusting. i remember trying one our first day of 5th grade (Libby Sill was wearing a shirt with green/white stripes), and it was horrible. i threw up later on in front of Mrs. Golden's class, although it didnt have anything to do with the rolls. didnt touch one again until high school. the intermediate school lunches were disgusting. ugh.
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