Anatomy of a Softball Sunday

6:38am: Text Op: Drinking in the am. A nex [sic] low.

12:39pm: wake up. Have 21 minutes to shower and get to softball field. Am told I will be playing for first time since 2004. Hmm.

1:00pm: boo Favorite Playah as lineup is read out loud.

1:06pm: first container from the Nest.

1:11pm: refuse to give ball back to pitcher from 1B; hurl it down on the ground instead.

1:16pm: next container from Nest

1:22pm: crush ball foul down lf line in first at bat in 6 years. "I still got it," I say to myself.

1:23pm: 3-1, announce to everybody "hitter's count!"

1:24pm: strike out swinging. Maybe 9 seconds later, ball crosses plate.

1:25pm: removed from game

1:26pm: next container from the Nest

1:26-2:40pm: gobsmacked that a girl on the bench has no idea what Angela on Who's the Boss? did for a living.

3:00pm-?pm: 92,000 beers drunken.

12:30am: decide to try a "booty text"

12:40am: have received 3 different texts from three different numbers asking "Who are you?"

1:06am: texts Op "do you have ______'s pjhone number?"