Modest Proposal

I've noticed that the latest in a now-long line of "things that average Americans are supposed to wring their hands about when it comes to whether or not the super-rich are getting super-richer" is the corporate tax rate. Oh my!  It's much too high!  Obama even mentioned it Tuesday night, remember? And he said it in a "can you BELIEVE this??!?" way, and you could feel about 200 million heads across the land nodding in unison, "yeah, that's fucked up, man!!"

The big sell, of course, is that corporations are so frustrated, just WAITING! for that darned tax rate! to be cut three percent, and then they'll oh so gleefully shower money upon any "mom 'n pop" small business that will take it, and the country will be launched to 0.0% unemployment and unprecedented prosperity. Of COURSE they will!!

That's a nice little line to swallow. But guess what? Unlike you and me, corporations are doing rather splendidly.

The fact remains that corporations are hauling in record profits and sitting on nearly $2 trillion in cash reserves.

Meanwhile, guess what they AREN'T doing?

PAYING TAXES!!!!

Corporate tax receipts account for about seven percent of federal revenues.  Fifty years ago, corporate tax receipts were 23 percent of federal revenue. The U.S. collects less in corporate tax revenue than the OECD average.

Not to mention they're giving each other bonuses with numbers that the rest of can't comprehend.  How many more times do we hafta hear that X company was supposed to pay $75B in taxes but didn't thanks to the incredible number of loopholes that we've set into the tax code for them? These corporations have entire armies of people whose job it is to make sure they pay as little, if anything, as possible in taxes. The current tax code is partly structured to ensure this happens. They're good at making money, and they're good at keeping it. Lower the rate 3%, they'll cry it's too high; lower it another 3%, still too high, and on and on. It's human nature, and this is the system we've set up for them, so it's not even as if they're really doing anything illegal.

My problem is their bitching and moaning. For instance, why the fuck does someone like me even know what the corporate tax rate is? The answer is they feel the need to win some sort of public relations game that doesn't actually exist (just like the billionaire vs. millionaire battle royale about to happen in the NFL that we're supposed to give two shits about.)

Why? To me, if they really care about what someone like me thinks about how they're being treated tax-wise, why not make a big show of not only accepting the tax rate, but PROUDLY! doing so as an "American company in these hard times!"?  Hey, what's the fucking difference - they're not gonna pay the shit anyway, so what do they care? "39%? 42? Let's make it 45%, fuck it!   I'm a great American!"

Or else just shut the fuck up and quiet crying about it to anyone with a camera or a microphone. Take your bags of cash, don't pay taxes on them, and go be quiet so we don't waste a bunch of time being fooled into giving a shit about you.

It's as if these corporations see the "Victim Game" that's so popular now with politicians and pundits et al, and they're miffed at being left out: "heeeeeeeeyyyy, WE wanna be seen as victims too!!"  They're not happy merely being rich as shit, they want you to feel sorry for them too.  Why can't they just take their money, light big cigars on their boats and say "fuck you, we did nothing wrong, it's our money"?

It's as if it's no longer just enough to be right, it's much more important to be wronged.