Nowadays, if a girl smiles in my general direction, I push a button and a priest pops out of the ground and immediately marries us and I stuff her in a hot-air balloon which takes us to an island where I will spend every minute of the rest of our lives worshipping her and loving her.
But it wasn't always that way...one time I was fooling around with some girl, a girl I had already been with a coupla times. She was blowing me, then I started eating her out, which I knew meant we'd be fucking in a matter of minute(s). But I had been on a bit of a tear that week, and wasn't really into it, but I didn't have the balls to simply say so to her, so I instead quickly crafted an idea to make her feel that something was wrong with her medically. Very mature, I know.
"What the -"
"What?" (alarmed)
"Something's not right down here..."
"WHAT??!" (sharply pulling back legs)
"Yeah, looks like something funny in there."
"-"
"Looks like little square pieces of pork. Cooked white pork."
(Sprints out horrified, I grab the remote, pat self on the back.)
Not satisfied with horrifying her about possible health problems there, I made sure to insert (pun intended) a word associated with pigs. Hmm.
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