Churchs. Not Just Great Chicken Anymore?

D.J. Conner: [confronted about why he has been sneaking off to church] Mom, I wanted to tell you. I just had some questions about God and stuff. 
Roseanne Conner: Well, so why didn't you come to us if you had questions? You know, there's no two better people to answer your questions than me and your Dad. 
D.J. Conner: Okay. What religion are we? 
Roseanne Conner: I have no idea. Dan?  
Dan Conner: Well... my family's Pentacostal on Mom's side, Baptist on my Dad's. Your Mom's Mom was Lutheran and her Dad was Jewish. 
D.J. Conner: So what do we believe? 
Roseanne Conner: Well... we believe in, ah, being good. So basically we're good people. 
Dan Conner: Yeah, but we're not practicing. 

Even as a lapsed Catholic who doesn't believe in God or religion, I've always snobbily demanded that a Catholic Mass be as scary and religiously serious as possible, probably because I had a father who thought that any priest born after 1890 was a goddam hippy, and that if you weren't there to turn on the lights God would think you suck.  If I hafta go I want hardcore, spooky Latin shit going on, not "hey, let's bring all the kiddies to the stage and have them make jokes about how goofy Dad is!!!"  When I was a kid, CCD meant staying an hour after Mass to make sure you'd been scared shitless enough; Monday back at school I'd get to hear all my friends blather on about their MYF skating trips and sleepovers and whatthefuckevers.  I'd roll my eyes at how gay that shit was - church wasn't for hanging out slapping asses, it was for shutting the fuck up and sweating through your brown clip-on tie!

Now it turns out that to be a Godfather to my friend's newborn daughter, I hafta actually register with a church.  Of course the immediate plan was to meet whomever, put on a show of "gee, ya know, I just feel like this is a good time to re-connect with my faith blah blah blah can I sign here thanks!" and zip! out the door, never to be seen again.

Meanwhile, over the past year or so I've started musing about becoming involved in a church - not for "spiritual" reasons, but in a way to meet the kind of people I don't normally meet.  I should officially give up on meeting Mrs. Xmastime after seven containers at The Nest and focus on meeting her at a pancake supper, for instance.  Or dudes with a "somewhat" different career ambition than my own (ie, exists.) Anything, that is, that gets me out into some fresh air and out of the lone-wolf angry stew I'm most comfortable inhabiting. Dare I take advantage of having to sign up with a church anyway, and see if I can find some societal comfort from it?  Meet new, (hopefully) exciting people?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  I'm not good at walking up to people "hiya I'm Xmastime, I own Tricky Dick's Hardware on Boulevard, how the hell are ya?!?!?!!!"  All this was running through my mind this morning when I sat down on the train and read this:

Religion there had largely ceased to be a fact of spiritual experience, and the visible church flourished on condition of providing for the social needs of the community. It was practically held that the salvation of one's soul must not be made too depressing, or the young people would have nothing to do with it. Professors of the sternest creeds temporized with sinners, and did what might be done to win them to heaven by helping them to have a good time here. The church embraced and included the world. It no longer frowned even upon social dancing,--a transgression once so heinous in its eyes; it opened its doors to popular lectures, and encouraged secular music in its basements, where, during the winter, oyster suppers were given in aid of good objects. The Sunday school was made particularly attractive, both to the children and the young men and girls who taught them. Not only at Thanksgiving, but at Christmas, and latterly even at Easter, there were special observances, which the enterprising spirits having the welfare of the church at heart tried to make significant and agreeable to all, and promotive of good feeling.

Maybe it's possible for me to rejoin society and have a simple, secular community relationship with a church.  Who the hell knows.

But gotdam, I sure did rock a clip-on, didn't I?