Theodore Movie Review

NAME: Theodore ("If you call me 'Theo' I will do some dancing on your face")
OCCUPATION: Ultra-conservative right-wing stuffed bear
LIKES: Tucker Carlson, George W. Bush, tax cuts, explaining to left-wing queers why gays shouldn't marry
DISLIKES: left-wing queers, taxes, corporate taxes, state taxes, estate taxes, death panels, Al Franken, basketball
QUOTE: "For the last time - I'm not racist. I'm just pro-white, dammit."

Movie: TED (see trailer HERE.)

At first I was confused about a bear sucking up to some hippie choking on his own bong water in the middle of the day instead of getting a job, but then I realized it was made by the loser that makes Family Guy, so now it makes total sense (oooooh, Snoopy can talk and drink martinis....edgy!!...of course I haven't watched a minute of that stupid shit) And of COURSE Xmastime loves it, since the movie combines a permissible world of drug use, pre-marital sex and, presumably, socialism along with the idea that yes, you can sit in a basement wiping Cheetos dust off your tightie-whities being terrified of thunder like a bitch, and yet somehow hook up with Mila Kunis. YES, you know, "the real world." Gee, this isn't Left Coast Hollywood at all, is it?!?!?!!? Noooooo, of course not, kids - by all means, don't bust your hump trying to get ahead in this world, no no no...just lounge around doing this dumb shit and you'll be allllllllright (said in the voice of that hippy from Dazed and Confused, which I still refuse to watch btw.)

FINAL THOUGHT: Is this movie the culmination of Obama's attempt to indoctrinate American youth in his own image of socialist fascism? His crowning achievement of destroying America?

GRADE: F-. And why the FUCK wasn't I considered for the part, btw? Not that I woulda done it, but for fuck's sake I coulda helped make the script less ridiculous, a little more believable.