Town Characters

THIS SITE HERE tells how to be a "local character"; there's the town drunk, the truly bizarre guy, the guy that's always around etc etc. My hometown growing up had a few. There was Ringo, who lived in a tree and ran for mayor a buncha times (couldn't have done worse than our real mayor.) Ace, a fat fuck who rode his bike around town 24 hours a day. I can't remember why. And Earth Dog, obviously pronounced Earf Dawg, who took pleasure in racing our basketball team bus on his bike, with us cheering him on/flipping him off until he'd finally peter out after about half a mile. And he'd cut "doughnuts" on his bicycle when we'd be hanging out in French's parking lot. Then there's a million others you remember when sitting around with anyone else from town after about two pops. I still love hearing about Harry Lee Fitchett countering the vet's offer to put his coon dog down for $25 by saying hell, a round of buckshot's only a nickel and then doing it himself.

As for a character from my own generation, I vote for Kenny:

- Kenny ______. I went to school with Kenny for 12 years, and not once did I see him in school. His name was always on the roll call, but I never actually saw him in the building. Like a rabbit, no one has ever heard his actual voice. However, if you ever drove through town, even once, guess who you’d see? Kenny. Hell, I thought Kenny had a deal with the teachers: “Okay Kenny, if you walk aimlessly around town for the next 12 years, I’ll pass you.” I mean, look at this kid.








Wasn’t Billy Crystal born to do an impression of him?