Popcorn!

You can’t fucking win when it comes to microwave popcorn. Wait to pull it out one nanosecond too late and everything gets burned to a crisp. Pull out too early, you’re left with a million uncooked kernels at the bottom of the bowl. Then you wonder for a second about trying to re-cook those kernels, but decide that maybe not having a job and sneezing into old socks instead of buying paper towels is white trash enough, thank you very much. Before you know it you’re desperately trying to time it, like in “Apollo 13” when they gotta try to perfectly line up with a star and shut the engines off at the exact perfect moment. Gimble-lock. Fuck it up, you skid off the top of the atmosphere and good-bye forever. It’s popcorn; do I need that much fucking pressure? Life’s not hard enough, now I gotta be Alan Shepard? - XMASTIME, back when he had time to sit around making popcorn like the goddam Pilgrims

You people know that Xmastime loves himself some poppity-corn. Now this chick here is saying the only way to go is stove-top:

Look, I get why people eat microwave popcorn. It’s good in the same way Doritos are good: Doused in artificial flavoring, it’s addictive and crazy salty, and it leaves your hands covered in weird powdery stuff. As with most commercial snack foods, its flavor seems designed to be both intense and fleeting, so that you can’t stop yourself from reaching for the next handful, even though the payoff diminishes with each bite.

Oh, she "gets" why us poor saps relegate ourselves to microwave popcorn. Oh, good for her, holding on to the common touch!

Xmastime decree-eth: back the fuck up, h8rs!!!