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Tuesday, February 12, 2013

State of the Union Live-Blog

9:08pm - he's late. Of course.
9:09pm - they cant get the "Llllllllllllllets get ready to rumble!!!!!" guy to introduce?
9:12pm - Eric Cantor looks like every college basketball player from the 1930s
9:14pm - Biden just got busted showing Boehner 2 Girls, 1 Cup on his iPhone.
9:16pm - the Speaker's over-sized mallet never gets old...but just once, can't he smash a watermelon with it? (note - yes, being a Gallagher fan makes me worse than being a racist)
9:19pm - wouldn't it be more American if the Harbaugh brothers were sitting behind him?
9:20pm - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz this is a snoozefest already. Is Joe Wilson in the house?
9:22pm - are Biden/Boehner wearing purple and pink ties? Is this sponsored by the fucking Teletubbies? I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK!!!!!!
9:26pm - when is Beyonce coming out?
9:28pm - i like him trying to suppress a laugh while saying "manufactured crisis."
9:30pm - Republicans stay seated and moping after the "we don't need a bigger government, we need a smarter one" line. They're determined to be the guy that stays at home while his friends go off to college.
9:36pm - 25 minutes in, no mention that sexy's back. Wtf?
9:42pm - talking about poor kids now. Hey dummy: POOR KIDS CANT VOTE!!!!!
9:45pm - he just used "education" and "Georgia" in the same sentence. I'm officially viewing this as his open mic night at The Chuckle Hut. (Chuckle Hut copyright Rrthur, YES ladies, that Rrthur...)
9:46pm - I finally found out what the green ribbon on Biden's lapel is for.
9:50pm - that shot of two GOP Congressman scowling at the mention that women should earn the same money as men will be a meme within about 6 minutes, I promise.
9:54pm - "By next year, our war in Afghanistan will be over" - wtf? I've already printed 10,000 "AMERICA: 2015 MIDDLE EAST CHAMPS!" t-shirts.  grrr.
10:02pm - "America must be a Beacon" ... true story, hand to god: first restaurant I ate at after moving to Oxford was named The Beacon. I know, right? Freaking out, little one - IS YOUR MIND FUCKING BLOWN?!?!!??!?
10:09pm - New Town, CT? What happened?
10:12pm - Must say, that was the most exciting moment in recent SOTU history. Shame it took slaughtering a bunch of kids to make it happen, but hey. Guns rule, gun victims drool - amirite? I mean, amirite? Amirite? Yes, you need to be saying this in the Ned Ryerson voice from Groundhog Day and if you're not, you hate America, freedom, Jesus, and Jesus' scrappy, loveable sidekick, Baby Jesus.
10:16pm - that's it?
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