I Hate the Goddam NFL Draft

As I wrote back in 2008:

Thank fuck the NFL Draft is over and done with for the year. Is there a more mind-crushing dumbfuck month to the sports year? Weeks and weeks of trying to guess the entire first round. For fuck's sake. I can understand trying to guess the top pick, or the top three. But I'm supposed to listen and care about such a series of possibilities that I'm listening to who you think the 31st pick is going to be? When I was a kid, I'd open up the paper the morning after the draft and read who the teams had picked. Now it's turned into a 2-day Whogivesashitpalooza. And there's the mock drafts, and the fantasy drafts, and the mock fantasy drafts, and the fantasy mock fantasy drafts, and the mock mock draft fantasies. And on and on. All of a sudden we're all GMs; I guess we need to be up on the shit in case a huge grand piano falls from the sky and wipes out every team official and we'd hafta make all the draft picks. For fuck's sake.

But it's the way it's all of a sudden become such a cottage industry that's been created over the last few years that bugs me. All of sudden, the NFL Draft is fucking life and death important. Really? When did this happen? The shit was around for 40 years just fine, and nobody had a problem one way or the other. Now, breathless football pundits shitting out verticals and 40 times, bleating like a fucking pig at us about the 211th pick and who it should be.

This feeling of "All of a sudden, it's SO incredibly important!!!" nags at me. And it reminds me of how illegal immigration has been handled for two years. Decades and decades this shit was happening, people flowing in across the borders. To which we barely gave notice. Then we woke up one morning and all of a sudden it's THE MOST IMPORTANT TOPIC IN THE WORLD!!!!! and there's been no letup since. What the fuck. I've never been settled on my own opinion on the matter, but I do remember noticing that us being assaulted with illegal immigration being THE MOST IMPORTANT TOPIC IN THE WORLD!! coincided with Bush et al trying to sell our port security to Dubai. Remember that little nugget? Maybe not; soon as it happened we got this red herring thrown at us and no one's looked back. Has bugged me ever since.

How does that incident relate to the draft? Well, like I said, the suddeness of it being soooooooooo important, of course. Drives me batshit. As for a red herring...gotta be that Peyton and Eli Manning are gay, no? I mean, camon...Super Bowl quarterbacks marrying their high school sweethearts? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight....