Is Stephen King Retarded?

While back I crowed about Stephen King bragging on my buddies Marah here. Now, thanks to this best-of list, I gotta wonder if Mr. King is 1) an idiot 2) an idiot. I mean, what the fuck…first of all, including ''IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA,'' is bad enuff, but King is not content with this gastronomically awful pick until he tell us that, and I quote, “Only the long version counts. Which you can't get on iTunes, curse them.” Jesus. Hey, there’s a reason you can’t get it on iTunes; the internet is only so big for chrissakes. And “She Loves You” over “I Wanna Hold Your Hand”? MAYBE a tossup, but camon. He then picks the one AC/DC song nobody on Earth has ever heard of. And “Don’t Be Cruel;” excuse me? He goes right past Sun Records into Elvis’ worst, most pussy selling-records-to-Grandma period? And it’s not like he doesn’t know The King, he later chooses “Burning Love”…which I also love, but to choose it over it’s contemporaries “In the Ghetto” and “Suspicious Minds” tells me that all work and no play has made Stephen tone deaf. And you KNOW I went into a seizure upon seeing that his Bruce slice is “Ramrod.” Wow.

The capper of cappers? “On the Dark Side.” John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band. Unreal. No words. I’ve spent the last 5 minutes thinking of a joke, but sometimes there’s nothing more to add - the joke is already there, like baby arms, or people with voice boxes. What more can you say.