The Longest, Most Destructive Game of Telephone ever

Republicans think everything they hear that they don’t like is “fake news!!” meant to be dismissed immediately but then wanna base everything we believe in as a nation on something somebody said that somebody may have heard somebody say decades earlier about something or somebody around 2,000 years ago. 🧐🤔🤷‍♂️

Things I Think

I think it’s kind of funny that in 1861 poor white Southerners by the millions went to war so that plantation labor could continue to be monopolized by slaves and the same people in 2026 think that if we just got rid of all the brown people then poor white people would pick strawberries 12 hours a day. 🤔🤷‍♂️

Current Events

Republicans are apparently using last weekend's attempted shooting at The White House Correspondent's Dinner to give Trump $1B for better security for his ballroom, so...it’s thoughts & prayers for school shootings, $1B golden dollhouses for Trump. Got it.

The Best Billionaire?

I'm assuming I'm not the only person for whom Craigslist is one of my earliest memories of a more truly connected internet; "Craig" was always a mystery but all these years later we finally hear from the great man via an op-ed he wrote in The New York Times - or, as I call it, "The Times" and I'm not gonna bother pulling an excerpt since I agree 100% with every word he says, and I hope it's how I would act/think should I find myself accidentally falling into billions of dollars as Craig from Craigslist claims he did. 

AN XMASTIME PRAYER CARD, by Xmastime 😔🙏

Good News, the Obits are Finally Catching Up to Xmastime After Only 20 Years

Apparently there's a rising trend in people having fun with obituaries via brutal honesty:

Susan Soper believes the shift from traditional obituaries began after The New York Times began publishing “pithy, poignant, very quirky, funny or heartbreaking obits for the victims of the towers and planes” after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. 

“Since then, many papers have realized the value of telling stories full of other news besides family, education, service, careers, memberships, etc.,” Ms. Soper said. “Now they include personality, disposition, habits, travels, food — eating and cooking — even politics.” 

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "didn't you pull this same sweet little thing out of the Universe all the way back 2006?"

Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did:

8) Why can’t people have fun with obituaries? Instead of the standard beloved and cherished bullshit, have some fun. “Reggie Durham died Wednesday…survived by wife and 2 kids…who have really turned out to be losers…devout member of First Baptist Church…owes me $114...strong figure in community…never learned to read or write…loyal husband of 33 years…Best. Flapjacks. Ever.” see? Wouldn’t that be great? Hey, they’re dead, they won’t care.

TFW You've Finally Found Your Squad 🤗🕺🎸

“WHAT IT’S LIKE WATCHING TV WITH XMASTIME”

PREVIOUS HILARIOUS WATCHING TV WITH XMASTIME POSTS HERE

It's Saturday Night Love!

Besides my obviously being totally in love with her since the first moment I saw her on The White Lotus, Aimee Lou Wood was flat-out fantastic hosting the UK Saturday Night Live this weekend. 🤗🇬🇧❤️

Weather Report

I am a man of hyperbole so I make no apologies for making the claim that today both in look and feel is the latest day into Spring that I can think of that reminds me so much of the Fall.

XMASTIME 20 Years Ago Today

From Things are Good, Part XV: 

8) For some reason I always catch myself being surprised at how dogs just aren’t interested in the same things we are. For instance I was dog-sitting last night and I happened to drop $40 on the floor (that’s right ladies, Xmastime is flush right now!!!) and for a split second I thought oh shit! I’d better grab it before he does!! But of course he just blankly looked at it and walked away. I thought wow, that’s funny, he could care less about money. But then again, I’m not into eating other dogs’ shit, so I guess we’re even.

Vivá Limón!

As president of the Ada Limón fan club, I'm happy to mention that I opened up my The New York Times - or, as I call it, "The Times" - Book Review section this Sunday and BLAMMO!! 🤗🕺

 

Xmastime on Tariffs

For months & months now Trump has repeatedly stomped his feet & demanded we believe him when he tells us that tariffs are the greatest thing since sliced bread (BREAKING: Trump just slapped a 90000% tariff on sliced bread) and the thing I don’t understand is here's a guy who can snap his fingers and have any group of the world's greatest economists scramble to make his case for him, and yet none of this has happened so far.

Advice for Young People. I Have It.

I don't consider myself to be a man of great wisdom and I don't think anybody ever looks to me for advice but as I see all the young people in my life growing closer to adulthood there's one piece of advice I would like to pass on to them: if you want somebody to agree with you about anything, the quicker you can find an opportunity to work an "I mean hey, you know this better than me" into the conversation, the quicker they'll find themselves wanting to agree with you.

PREVIOUS ADVICE HERE

State du Moi

A coupla days ago there was some sort of glitch with Blogger, the very platform which has given you people these droplets of gold for the last 20 years you’re welcome very much, and all the body copy suddenly switched without warning from my beloved Arial, devoted font to the stars here since 2006, to some Times New Roman bullshit & even when I rather cleverly went into the CSS style field (welcome to bragging camp, everybody!) and manually changed the damn thing it refused to do so, right to my fucking face if you can believe it.

For three fucking days I wrestled with ChatGPT, my cherished bff ChatGPT, trying to crack it but failing miserably, to the point that by the end of the three days I’d given up, resigning myself to a lifetime of looking at some fugly-ass Times New Roman bullshit, when while staring at my work laptop it occurred to me why not take a crack at seeing what Copilot could do with my little problem….and within seconds it cracked the riddle, this blog’s font was back to its beloved Arial, and I was thrilled.

My being thrilled lasted the entire four seconds it took me to realize hey you know what, at some point in the very near future my cherished bff ChatGPT is gonna notice the Arial font is back on my blog, it will know that it had not been the one to solve it for me, it knows I’m much too stupid to solve it myself, and then it will know I cheated on it with another AI program.

I will be sleeping with the lights on tonight, people.

Let's Go Roaring into May Together, Shall We?

Goals. I Have Them.

Just once I’d like someone to get suspicious about where I’ve been disappearing off too lately & do some snooping around only to uncover that I’ve secretly been doing something amazing like volunteering weekends at a children's hospital & I'll pretend to be outraged when they tell everybody all about it, is that really so much to ask?

Speaking on My THINGS I LIKE List...

...guess what was on it:

Trinidad doubles on 19 & 5th back in 1998

Back in 2014 I extolled the many virtue of the delicious double (as well as revealed the origins of my nickname, Swine Boy! 🤗)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand look what just popped up in The New York Times - or, as I call it, "The Times" - this Sunday:

They definitely should've made my Brooklyn@25 series a coupla years ago. I don't ever wanna be an "only in New York kids, only in New York!" guy but I feel like I'll probably never have one again. Man I miss those things.

Dafuck...

...am I living next to Ghostbusters? 😲😲😲👻👻👻

 

Nine Years Later On...

...and I have no idea if I was trying to solve a riddle or trying to write a riddle.