Hey, Whaddya Know

Ronald Reagan was right, it turns out the most terrifying words in the English language really are “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”

RIP 😢

Current Events

Trump's fantasy tariffs and his supporters cheering them only serve to 100% reinforce what I've been saying for years now, that I honestly believe peple think they're watching a movie.

TV/Movie Questions. I Have Them.

How is it possible Ron Livingston and Kyle Chandler never been in anything together as brothers? TWINS, even? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Oh Hey

You guys still on candles hahaha I do scented wax now SUCK IT LOSERS!!!!

Brilliant du Jour

Just as you're wondering if the bit has overstayed its welcome the twist comes and it's absolutely fucking hilarious and I'm insanely jealous of whoever wrote it. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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I'll Say This.

One amazing thing about Trump is he always seems 100% genuinely surprised whenever he's proven wrong, even when facing a blizzard of doubt from experts & no matter how frequent an occurrence.

PAINTING with Xmastime! 🤗 🎨

RIP Val Kilmer

Val Kilmer was so good as Jim Morrison he's dragged me all the way through The Doors movie several times and if there was a goddam award for hating The Doors they woulda retired it in my honor years ago; his “I don’t” below will always be one of my all-time gut-punch brilliant & beautiful movie moments.

Questions. I Have hem.

If you invented coffee today could you sell it?

"What's this?"
"Coffee."
"It's boiling hot."
"That's right."
"I can barely hold it. How long until I can drink it?"
"Right now."
"But it's boiling hot."
"Right."
"Literally boiling."
"Yep."
"What's it come from?"
"Beans."
"Where are the beans?"
"They're turned into grounds to make the coffee."
"Why are they called grounds?"
"They taste like the ground."
"It's still boiling hot."
"Drink it. It'll make your heart race."
"What?!"

Insta du Jour

I'm not all "awwwwww baby!!" here but having the creativity to turn them into a rabbit & carrot totally blows me away, and frankly I'm surprised I've never seen one of these before? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Americans. We Are the Fucking Worst.

I bet if we had a national election every four years asking people to vote whether to give a billionaire or a homeless person $100,000 the billionaire would win every fucking time.

One Thing All of Us as Americans Can Agree On

If the Buffalo Bills were founded today they would 100% for sure be called the Buffalo Wings.

I’ll Say This

Say whatever you want about Kamala Harris but there’s a woman who knows how to disappear; I literally don’t think I’ve seen her face since about 7:30 on election night. 🤔🤷‍♂️

Okay I Hafta Say This Guys

The "former" is depressing in that it connotes the idea that REM could possibly be a thing without him; any REM fan would go absolutely scorched Earth if they even considered doing anything with another singer.

(This is from a talk last week about Stipe being a 2025 McNair Honoree, whateverthehell that is, you can watch it all here if you don't wanna just sit here listening to me bitch & moan about it.)

We Need More Corey Bookers

Scamps Like Us

 Moi Say Moi back in 2011:

People need to stop giving Trump shit about his hair. After all, we've seen it before, and we didn't seem to mind it when it was on the head of America's most lovable scamp, so lay off already.

I've been waiting for 14 years for someone else to notice this & so far The Daily Show just now has come the closest (but still not quite!!! Camon America!!! 😡😡😡😡)

Remembering Xmastime Memories with Xmastime

Ye olde schooner XMASTIME 10 years ago today:

Of all the kazillion things from Amazon someone could've stolen from my front door over all these years...but it's not as if they just grabbed the package and scurried down the block and then saw what their bounty was. This guy (OR girl! I am soooo woke, people!!) stopped, opened the package, saw that it was a book of Thomas Hardy poems, was apparently delighted and took the book while leaving the packaging, therein making him (OR her! I am soooo woke, people!) the most curiously specific thief of all time.

This, ladies and gentlemen and gentle ladies and ladymen, is that very package at that very moment. (Curtsy)

 

These Smiley $%@!ing Potato Things

...I don't know much, I am not a smart man, but one thing I do know for damn sure is that the number of people who have tried these goddam things and did not absolutely fucking love them is exactly 0.

State du Moi

At Wegmans with Heroin blasting through my skull waiting for a price check on my Regenerist micro-sculpting moisturizer like a goddam real-live American badass.

Lockdown Memories

The Dark Knights of the Night out on patrol!! 🤗😜🤣🐶 #paddymac #scooter

We ❤️ You Conan O' Brien 🤗🕺

Really, really fantastic snack-sized sit-down in 2008 with Conan's explicit/insightful thoughts on what he thinks is funny. 🤗🤣❤️🕺

Questions. I Have Them.

I mentioned the whole Trump-running-for-a-3rd-time thing earlier; one of the possible scenarios being bandied about is one in which JD Vance is elected president but immediately cedes the presidency to his vice president Donald Trump and so I guess my only question is has the TV movie of the Week script already been written yet in which when the moment comes Vance refuses to cede power, kicking off a bloody war between the two factions?

FFS PEOPLE I CAN’T COME UP WITH ALL THE GREAT IDEAS!!!

I'll Bet You This...

..13 years later Rick Pitino really coulda used the stone-cold genius of Al McGuire. 🤗🕺🏀 

Oh Fuck You Too, Spotify 😡