Tom Delay on DWTS

My mother only ever gave me one piece of advice: "Learn to type, and learn to dance."

I never learned to dance, and I would rather be caught making out with a 6 year-old boy than be made to dance in front of people. Or even in a crowd. Or even in a crowd of wasted people who don't even know I'm there. Meanwhile, my years have taught me that the surest way to get in some girl's pants, other than being somebody else, is to dance with her. And the cruel irony is, she doesn't even care if you're good - your soul purpose is being a warm body so that SHE can dance. Yet I still sit on the sideline, pulling the ol' "my knee hurts from a football injury" line. ('cept for a slow dance - like Ed Burns said in No Looking Back, any retard can slow dance.)

So any straight man brave enough to dance in front of other people, my cap is doffed.