Saturday, March 17, 2018

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

(reprinted yearly)

When I was a kid my dad always tried to make a big deal out of us being Irish (the only ones in town), but who gives a shit what your dad says when you’re young? Certainly not me. When we got a little older my dad came up with the idea that on St. Patrick’s Day, he would administer a quiz to my brother and me on the history of Irish saints; the winner would get a pizza from TA-DA! Roma’s. A week or so before the 17th he’d give us some big, over-the-top dry book to read on the subject. My brother would actually read it; I’d get to page 3 and then start wondering if I’d rather be in Def Leppard or Duran Duran (trick question – I’d be better off being a dead Irish saint.) So guess who would win the “competition”? But the thing is, I’d still get the pizza – the pizza would come, and I’d hafta toast to Brothatime!!’s Irish brilliance, but I’d do it with a mouthful of cheese and grease on my face. To this day, I live by that creed: "I will not read for pizza." 

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Only Fools and Xmastime 113 - Diamonds are for Heather

It's Hayday in 2006!!

For the entire playlist go HERE.

Sucks du Jour

Ken Singleton is retiring from the Yankees booth after this season:
 Singleton, 70, entering his 17th season as a Yankees analyst for the YES Network, announced on Twitter on Monday that 2018 will be his final season calling games.
“I’ve been playing or talking baseball ever since I was 4 years old,” he wrote. “It’s time for this enjoyable ride to end. Thanks fans for allowing me into your homes & businesses. It’s been my pleasure.”
Good for him, but so sad for those of us who have loved listening to him for two decades.

Some Kenny on Xmastime over the years:
- I love love love Ken Singleton. I wish he announced every single Yankees game; that smooth, laconic delivery easing you through the summer. And here we are 5 games into a 162-game season, and he's already got the line of the year:

"Yankees have the bases loaded with nobody that's snakes on a plane."
- Last night they showed a clip from the Oakland game, and it happened to be Dallas Braden, the pitcher who bitched at A-Rod last week for walking across the mound, and he was getting lit up in the clip they were showing.

Michael Kay: boy, I hope nobody crosses his mound.
Singleton: looks like he needs to worry about people crossing home plate.
- And just now Kay was joking that he'd go online to get ordained as a minister.

Singleton: you can do that?
Kaye: sure you can.
Singleton: what's that, The Church of "What's Happening?!"?
-Some dipshit from the Orioles just struck out for the fifth time today, prompting Michael Kay to say "Well, four strikeouts in a game is the Golden Sombrero, but I don't know what five is."

Ken Singleton: Platinum, baby.
We already miss you, Kenny.

Only Fools and Xmastime 112 - A Touch of Glass

Listen to all episodes HERE.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Happy Birfday Big Bear!

Happy 12th birthday to my oldest god-child 🙂. Here we are 10 years ago. A few years later he’d provide me with this gem: 

(walking to pick his sister up from school and trying to gauge if I needed to call a car service)
Me: how long does it take to get from school to home?
Him: same as it does from home to school.

Ha! 😜 

Only Fools du Jour

My Top 10 Episodes, in chronological order:
Big Brother
The Second Time Around
A Touch of Glass
Healthy Competition
Friday the 14th
Happy Returns
Strained Relations
From Prussia With Love
Yuppy Love
The Class of '62
My Top 5 Xmas Specials, in chronological order:
Thicker than Water
The Jolly Boys' Outing
Mother Nature's Son
Heroes and Villains
Time on Our Hands

Happy Birfday Big Bear!

It was  six seven OMG TWELVE!!!! years ago tonight:
...which makes me think about when he was born, and the fact that it gave birth (sic) to what I still think was my greatest moment, yet got ZERO LAUGHS.

Minutes after he was born, his dad brought him out to meet us all. A wonderful moment. Then the two of them got on an elevator to go downstairs for something, I have no idea what. There were maybe 10 of us, and we're all just kinda standing there watching them get on the elevator, and about 2 minutes later we're all still standing there, chatting or whatever, and the elevator door suddenly opens. And standing there is some kid, looks to be about 10 or 12. Everybody's just kinda standing there looking at him, and finally I say "Jesus the fuck long have we been standing here?"

ZERO LAUGHS!!! My greatest line ever, nuthin. ZERO!!!!  :)

American Idol: Memory Lane Edition.

Apparently American Idol is back, and the fine peeps over at The Ringer have posted about revisiting every season:
What’s yet to be determined is whether this new version of American Idol will have the cultural importance and star-making ability that the old version had at its height. The prognosis is probably not great. In the early-to-mid-2000s, Idol was arguably the most important show on television. Between 2004 and 2011, it had an unprecedented streak as the most-watched program on TV. And in those years (and before them), it produced singers who would go on to be genuine, legitimate figures in the music industry: Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Clay Aiken, Chris Daughtry, Jennifer Hudson. Most reality competition shows struggle to keep the promises that lie at their centers—The Bachelor is a show about finding everlasting love that in actuality has a success rate of 5 percent—but for a while, Idol did produce idols. That’s remarkable.
I rarely watched the show but it's truly astonishing in today's fractured viewing world how big the show was.

I did, however, follow a few seasons for the sake of live-blogging, including HERE and HERE.  
2) Joanne Borgella – 25, Oregon

A plus-size model. I’ll say. For cars? You know, if you're that big and you tell us you're a model, you don't hafta tell us "plus-size." We have eyes. And believe me, you we can see. We'd look at you and think "plus-size" or "lying."

They just showed the clip of Randy telling her she was going to Hollywood. Randy looks at her and says “Joanne…you’re through.” And she immediately jumps up shouting and celebrating. Now…couldn’t “you’re through” also mean “you’re done, go home”? Wouldn’t you take a second to make sure he meant you’re through to the next level of competition? Would be a super-awkward reality TV moment of all time, no? It’s not quite Puck getting caught spreading peanut butter on his bits and calling Pedro into the room, but still good.

Speaking of “The Real World”, over at Tinsel & Rot they’ve listed The Real World Awards, and one of the categories is “Best Fight.” Steven and Irene’s fight? Not even nominated!! What the fuck? How FURIOUS do you think Steven is right now? “Hey MTV - I SLAPPED a girl!! What the FUCK else do I have to do to get nominated?!?!?!! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!” Nope. shut out. Maybe racism really is still alive and well. Sad.

Singing “I Say a Little Prayer for You.” Great voice, best I’ve heard in 2 days.

Ohoh. Paula’s “rocking out.” Not a good sign. Like getting an endorsement from Dubya these days. Warning.

Hold up. Can you really root for a song that has the words “coffee break” in it? How laid back can a mofo be while writing a song? Christ. How the fuck old IS Jack Johnson?

Hmm. Is Randy grouchy tonite? So far, 2 “so-so”s and zero “Dawgs.” Prolly safe to blame this lunar eclipse.

Who’s in charge of making sure the Coke logos on the cups are always facing the camera? How can I get that job? "Great audition, Xmas...we haven't seen that much cup adjusting since they let Hannah Storm in the locker rooms. Hey hey, we're kidding...we'll keep your cup on file."

Why does Ryan Seacrest have a watch on? What does he care what the fuck time it is; “camon camon, hurry up and sing, Hardees closes in an hour…” Doesn’t he have a million producers in his ear anyways? We get it, you can tell time, congratulations. So does a sundial, and at least it’s straight for fuck’s sake.

Commercial. “See why Billy Joel’s daughter would NEVER go on American Idol!” Hey, no shit. Musical talent isn't the only thing she inherited from daddy. This girl needs some lotto tickets - she's already lost the lottery once, she's due. 

Wednesday, March 07, 2018

Still Waiting.

Via 2010:
I just realized that 2011 is the 25th anniversary of Hoosiers, released in 1986.

Hoosiers was released 32 years after the original Milan Miracle, so it'd be cool if the producers had something cool up their sleeves for  2018.

Well. This Is Depressing.

Your dinner party fact du jour: it has now been the exact same number of years since Hoosiers came out as was the number of years between the Milan Miracle and the release of Hoosiers.

Headscratcher du Jour

I've watched Plebs. I've watched The Inbetweeners (which is in the pantheon.) And the US version of The Inbetweeners was unwatchable so I don't really know why anyone would bother making a US version of a crappy ripoff of The Inbetweeners.

15 years ago today: Grimace & Honest Abe meet The Boss.

Only Fools And Xmastime 110 - No Greater Love

Monday, March 05, 2018


Seeing Larry Bird in a Hickory Huskers shirt is, in a word, mind-blowing.