Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Almost Uncanny...

...how things are falling into place for unemployed coal miners who voted for Trump.

Portrait of the Artist as a Pizza Eater

1. Pat myself on the back for deciding to not eat the crusts with each piece.

2. Proclaim “Feeling light as a feather!” with each crust tossed on separate plate.

3. Finish pizza. Make witty remark as waiter whisks pizza pan away.

4. “I’ll just gnaw on this little crust while waiting for the check.”

5. Inhale the rest of the crusts.

6. Spend rest of the night whining to everyone how disgusting I feel.

The End


Starbucks’ modesty is an inspiration.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

I don't regret not having children, but just once I'd like to yell at a kid who's left the front door open "hey, I'm not trying to heat the entire gotdam outdoors you know!!!!"

How to Start a Riot and Burn a Building Down in NYC, Part 1

“Ladies and gentlemen, tonight the part of Mr. Springsteen will be played by his understudy, Southside Johnny!”

The World We Live In

Just because you get to watch the news at Mekong Restaurant doesn’t make it any easier to hear.

No Thanks for Nothing

Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s show of appreciation to Trump must have been amazing.

Took a While...

...but we finally made it all the way to "they were asking for it."


What’s with Trump calling out athletes who just happen to play in California? I mean, wtf. I don’t get it. It's a real mystery! (insert “shrug” emoji here)

Pardon My English...

Countdown 48 hours: how will Trump fuck up the pardoning of the Thanksgiving turkeys? Will be amazing

Friday, November 17, 2017


Maybe could’ve used a different movie to reference here.

State du Jour

At least twice a day I walk by this thing in a full panic that I’m gonna trip and it’s gonna impale my eyeball.

Friday, November 10, 2017

Uber Thoughts. I Have Them.

I wonder how many extra stars are totally because people love that his name is “Festus.”

Tuesday, November 07, 2017

Good Grief

I'm guessing Junior isn't clever enough to have done this tongue-in-cheek like Marley back in the day.

It's a Dog Eat Dog World

One of the greatest episodes of Only Fools and Horses is the Series 2 finale, A Touch of Glass. In the beginning, Del has these classics:
Del: This is North Korea's finest porcelain. But our two great cultures have a different attitude towards animals. We are both a nation of dog lovers - the only difference is they love to eat 'em! Come on Rodders, get your finger out, we've got a long drive home.
Rodney: Do they really eat 'em?
Del: Would I lie to you? If a North Korean came to live in London he'd think that Battersea Dog's Home was a take-away! No, there's nothing they like more than a nice plate of poodle kebabs.
Rodney: Oh leave it out will yer!
Del: Or a bull terrier pie.
Grandad: Alright Del Boy, that's enough!
Del: Or sweet 'an sour greyhound.
Rodney: Oi! - one more word out of you and I'm gonna be sick on your sheepskin, and I mean it!
Del: Go on, put yer foot down Rodney. I'm starving! I could just go a nice Jack Russell and chips.
And years ago, I added this brilliance to modern culture:

Ah, genius colliding with genius!

Of course the episode is most famous for it's final scene, generally considered to be one of the greatest in sitcom history.

Friday, November 03, 2017

The Closer

This particular section from longtime buddy Dave's epic Facebook post on the story of the soon-to-be re-released Marah classic If You Didn't Laugh, You'd Cry:

A few thoughts:

1. Haven’t been paid a dime for my phone solo.
2. Don’t appreciate being accused of drinking beer out of styrofoam like an animal. Who would possibly do this?  4x a week for 14 years? With no money?
3. Can’t wait for this album, was a great moment in time - be on the lookout for it HERE!

Listen to the song below  :)

Thursday, November 02, 2017

I Mean...

...the guy in NYC with the truck could only kill 8 people so yeah, seems like it’s time.


Is this asshole emoji a signal that Trump's just tweeted something?

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

OFAH du Jour

“Your mini-cab, Albert” is a top 10 Classic Only Fools and Horses line  :)