I've Dropped the Soap

I know this comes off chauvinistic, but from my earliest days on I've thought soap operas to be for women only - any time I'd hear a dude talking about watching them I'd think hmmm...that guy's weird. And of course by "weird" I mean "might not be spending time trying to steal my girlfriend", if you know what I mean. And of course by "if you know what I mean" I mean "I love to beat up fags after getting some Baptist trim."

Anyways. You get my point. But then I land upon the Soap Channel, patiently awaiting today's double shot of 90210, and it dawns on me that gee, if there ever was a genre made for me, it's the fucking soaps. Everything I like. On the screen every day, year after year, forming a calming, comfy background for me. Nothing really ever happens, so I don't hafta really pay attention or turn on my brain. But most of all, the women! Every single one of them, smoking hot. All of them hot, rich, over-tanned and EVERY SINGLE ONE wearing a super-tight silk shirt, barely keeping in fake titties. Man. And they got it all - white, black, young, old....is it even possible to have a genre with more Senior Division Mrs. Xmastimes in it? Good lord.

I'm gonna decide on a soap and become a fan, seems like no matter which one I pick I'll be fucking in love with five of the chicks, pants folded down like an accordion on the floor. How the fuck could I have been missing all this all these years????!!