If there's a more fascinating show than the Gene Simmons reality show on A&E, I'd like to see it. This show is a thirty-minute marathon of "what the..." I spend every moment of the half hour going back and forth on whether or not Gene is earnest and nice, or a complete fucking douchebag. For some reason I find myself rooting for him, "please please please be normal, be nice..." and then he'll try to make a billion dollar deal to re-name Africa "KISS Niggahz" or some shit.
Tonite's season opener had two memorable moments. Gene is sitting around the house (ie the Kiss Gift Shop) moping cause his beloved dog is missing. Snippy. Ran away. Hmm. I'd be looking for a suicide note, Gene. "I can't live like this. I hate your albums." (Snippy swinging from a ceiling fan.) In walks "Rocker Dude 101" from central casting, and it turns out he plays guitar in KISS - I guess Ace got uppity and asked for more than $9/hour, so he was replaced. Whoeverthefuckheis walks in "Gene! what happened, you weren't at rehearsal!" Rehearsal? KISS actually rehearses? Their music? And I would think that if Gene Simmons doesn't wanna come to rehearsal, he just doesn't. Gene misses his dog, so he can blow off practice. I miss band practice cause I got hit by a truck helping an old lady cross the street, I'm an asshole and better be ready for a few days of passive agressive, snippity emails. Never mind you know Gene is staring at the guy thinking "Ron? Steve? Is it Pete? Chuck? fuuuuuuck!!!!"
So they have a show the next night and...oh shit! Paul Stanley has to be rushed to the hospital!! Fuck! No show!
Ohhhhhh, wait...Gene walks onstage. Tells the crowd what's happened. Then he tells them how much the fans mean to them, that they came to rock and they WILL rock the fans!! He actually asks them "do you want us go on with the show??!!?" and the crowd goes bananas. Fucking apeshit, they want the show to go on. Ummm...excuse me? I paid $400 for this ticket, and I only get 1/2 of the main act? I'm sorry, did Seigfield go on with the show after Roy became a homo hot pocket for Tigger? And hell, they can prolly write better songs than KISS. Are these people idiots? Isn't this like entering a threesome with your buddy and his girlfriend, only to have the girl back out at the last minute and the dude says "hey, let's still do this!!!!"???? And hell, he could prolly write a better song than KISS.
Seriously. This show has to be seen to believed. Watch it.
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