I Hate the Heat

It's too fucking hot. And I sweat. Big time. I wouldn't say I sweat like a whore in church. That's silly. But I would say I sweat like someone who just ran a marathon in Miami and is inside one of those things a rotisserie chicken spins in. Christ. And luckily I happen to live in the single hottest room on Earth. First of all I'm on the top floor of my building. And do we have a silver tinned roof that reflects the sun's rays? Nah. Our owner thoughtfully laid out some black tarpaper kinda topping. Soaks up the sun's heat REAALLLLLLY nice so that I don't miss any of it. Thanks! and I have a huge window facing the south, so at the sun's peak hours it can really fucking pound away at me. My bed just caught on fire. I'd get up to put it out but my feet have melted into the fucking floor. Ugh.

And if you wanna watch me cry like a baby, walk with me from my room to the street: luckily, just to piss me off each floor below me seems to be cooler by 20 degrees. As I walk to the bottom I go from "oh god it's fucking hot" to "I shoulda put on a jacket!" AAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH!!

I just took my third shower of the day. Then I decided to do something I haven't done in about 25 years: sleep with my uncle. No no, I mean take a bath. Fucking a, I'll just sit in the cool water in blissful rest. So I start running the water and lie down in the tub. Turn the fan towards me. And Relax.

But then I start getting depressed, cause I tell myself that eventually I'll hafta get out and back into the scorching miserable heat. I can't stay in here forever, I know. Also, it's taking fucking forever to fill the tub. What the fuck? I got great water flow, water's pumping out like crazy...and I'm sitting in maybe 2 inches of water. That is to say, about an inch less than the sweat I had previously been lying in. Jesus christ. I don't remember the shit taking this long when I was a kid - I'd take off my clothes, run around in circles for about 90 seconds like kids do, and then bam! in the tub. This shit's taking forever.

I also learned that taking a bath is yet another way to remind yourself of how old you're getting. When you're a kid, a bath is a time for you to have some fun. Play with your toys, goof around pretending to swim, discover masturbation etc etc. Normal shit. But when you're an adult, all you can think about is "gee, it's really easy to fucking hurt myself in here." Slip on the wet surface, BAM!!! crack your fucking skull and you're found the next day, face down, fat all over the floor with your nuts in your hand. What the fuck. All because it's 1000 DEGREES OUTSIDE!!!










Here's a picture I just took of my room. That's me, bottom left. Gasping for fucking air.