Ahhhhh, Now I Get It...

People (including myself) have been giving McCain a lot of shit for not letting a minute go by without reminding us that he was a POW, and thereby deserves to be President. Savvy politicos have been scratching their heads wondering why McCain thinks such a strategy will work. But after doing a little digging around, I found out exactly HOW McCain learned such a strategy - apparently he learned from The Master himself, as I discovered in this conversation between the two from a few months back during a charity softball game they participated in. NOW it all makes sense.


Guiliani: Well McCain, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.
McCain: Look Guiliani, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.
Guiliani: I certainly do.
McCain: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who’s playing on the team.
Guiliani: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.
McCain: You mean funny names?
Guiliani: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...
McCain: His brother Daffy.
Guiliani: Daffy Dean...
McCain: And their French cousin.
Guiliani: French?
McCain: Goofè.
Guiliani: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, 9/11's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
McCain: That's what I want to find out.
Guiliani: I say 9/11's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
McCain: Are you the manager?
Guiliani: Yes.
McCain: You gonna be the coach too?
Guiliani: Yes.
McCain: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Guiliani: Well I should.
McCain: Well then 9/11's on first?
Guiliani: Yes.
McCain: I mean the fellow's name.
Guiliani: 9/11.
McCain: The guy on first.
Guiliani: 9/11.
McCain: The first baseman.
Guiliani: 9/11.
McCain: The guy playing...
Guiliani: 9/11 is on first!
McCain: I'm asking YOU 9/11's on first.
Guiliani: That's the man's name.
McCain: That's 9/11's name?
Guiliani: Yes.
McCain: Well go ahead and tell me.
Guiliani: That's it.
McCain: That's 9/11?
Guiliani: Yes.
PAUSE
McCain: Look, you gotta first baseman
Guiliani: Certainly.
McCain: 9/11's playing first?
Guiliani: That's right.
McCain: When you pay off the first baseman every month, 9/11 gets the money?
Guiliani: Every dollar of it.
McCain: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.
Guiliani: 9/11.
McCain: The guy that gets...
Guiliani: That's it.
McCain: 9/11 gets the money...
Guiliani: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
McCain: 9/11se wife?
Guiliani: Yes.
PAUSE
Guiliani: What's wrong with that?
McCain: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?
Guiliani: 9/11.
McCain: The guy.
Guiliani: 9/11.
McCain: How does he sign...
Guiliani: That's how he signs it.
McCain: 9/11?
Guiliani: Yes.
PAUSE
McCain: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Guiliani: No. What is on second base.
McCain: I'm not asking you 9/11's on second.
Guiliani: 9/11's on first.
McCain: One base at a time!
Guiliani: Well, don't change the players around.
McCain: I'm not changing nobody!
Guiliani: Take it easy, buddy.
McCain: I'm only asking you, 9/11's the guy on first base?
Guiliani: That's right.
McCain: Ok.
Guiliani: All right.
PAUSE
McCain: What's the guy's name on first base?
Guiliani: No. What is on second.
McCain: I'm not asking you 9/11's on second.
Guiliani: 9/11's on first.
McCain: I don't know.
Guiliani: He's on third, we're not talking about him.
McCain: Now how did I get on third base?
Guiliani: Why you mentioned his name.
McCain: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, 9/11 did I say is playing third?
Guiliani: No. 9/11's playing first.
McCain: What's on first?
Guiliani: What's on second.
McCain: I don't know.
Guiliani: He's on third.
McCain: There I go, back on third again!
PAUSE
McCain: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.
Guiliani: All right, what do you want to know?
McCain: Now 9/11's playing third base?
Guiliani: Why do you insist on putting 9/11 on third base?
McCain: What am I putting on third.
Guiliani: No. What is on second.
McCain: You don't want 9/11 on second?
Guiliani: 9/11 is on first.
McCain: I don't know.
Guiliani & McCain Together:Third base!
PAUSE
McCain: Look, you gotta outfield?
Guiliani: Sure.
McCain: The left fielder's name?
Guiliani: Why.
McCain: I just thought I'd ask you.
Guiliani: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
McCain: Then tell me 9/11's playing left field.
Guiliani: 9/11's playing first.
McCain: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?
Guiliani: No, What is on second.
McCain: I'm not asking you 9/11's on second.
Guiliani: 9/11's on first!
McCain: I don't know.
Guiliani & McCain Together: Third base!
PAUSE
McCain: The left fielder's name?
Guiliani: Why.
McCain: Because!
Guiliani: Oh, he's centerfield.
PAUSE
McCain: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?
Guiliani: Sure.
McCain: The pitcher's name?
Guiliani: Tomorrow.
McCain: You don't want to tell me today?
Guiliani: I'm telling you now.
McCain: Then go ahead.
Guiliani: Tomorrow!
McCain: What time?
Guiliani: What time what?
McCain: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me 9/11's pitching?
Guiliani: Now listen. 9/11 is not pitching.
McCain: I'll break your arm, you say 9/11's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?
Guiliani: What's on second.
McCain: I don't know.
Guiliani & McCain Together: Third base!
PAUSE
McCain: Gotta a catcher?
Guiliani: Certainly.
McCain: The catcher's name?
Guiliani: Today.
McCain: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.
Guiliani: Now you've got it.
McCain: All we got is a couple of days on the team.
PAUSE
McCain: You know I'm a catcher too.
Guiliani: So they tell me.
McCain: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to 9/11?
Guiliani: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
McCain: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
PAUSE
Guiliani: That's all you have to do.
McCain: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Guiliani: Yes!
McCain: Now 9/11's got it?
Guiliani: Naturally.
PAUSE
McCain: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now 9/11 has it?
Guiliani: Naturally.
McCain: 9/11?
Guiliani: Naturally.
McCain: Naturally?
Guiliani: Naturally.
McCain: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Guiliani: No you don't, you throw the ball to 9/11.
McCain: Naturally.
Guiliani: That's different.
McCain: That's what I said.
Guiliani: You're not saying it...
McCain: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Guiliani: You throw it to 9/11.
McCain: Naturally.
Guiliani: That's it.
McCain: That's what I said!
Guiliani: You ask me.
McCain: I throw the ball to 9/11?
Guiliani: Naturally.
McCain: Now you ask me.
Guiliani: You throw the ball to 9/11?
McCain: Naturally.
Guiliani: That's it.
McCain: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to 9/11. 9/11ever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. 9/11 picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Guiliani: What?
McCain: I said POW!
Guiliani: Oh, that's our shortstop.