Which means that the Republicans are left without much to do, and it looks like they are gonna be entertaining themselves with THE REPUBLICAN OLYMPICS. Little contests amongst themselves to entertain as well as keep their minds "sharp." Upcoming events include:
"Which Southern Governor Can Reject the Most Federal Aid with its State in Dire Need?"
and
"Who Hopes Obama's Stimulus Fails the Most? (Be Honest!)"
Our first event was of course the "Saying Batshit Things (Freestyle)" event, and unless you've been under a cave in socialist Europe waiting for government to buy your food for you, you know the early champion in this event was Michael Steele, who came shooting out of the gate a few weeks with such Batshit Things Said as his initial "hip-hop" comments re: the GOP (extra points for reminding the Republican Party that one-armed midgets vote too), then having the moxie to say that government has never created a job while holding a governmental job himself, then vaguely threatening any GOP congressman who went along with Obama's stimulus plan and then, just to remind us how he is the best there is in this event, gave a shout-out to Bobby Jindal with some "slum-love." You should feel sorry for any other competitor who walks into this veritable blizzard of Batshit Things Said - hell, Steele is already in the Batshit Hall of Fame just for coming up with "Drill Baby Drill." So this would be like going up against the 1927 Yankees.
Luckily for those of us who crave competition, Michelle Bachmann has never backed away from an opportunity to say something completely inane on camera, and she quickly stepped up with her now infamous quote to Michael Steele:
"Michael Steele! You be da man! You be da man!"It's amazing how in such few words Bachmann did so many things right here. First of all, she knew that it would make more of an impact if she not only said something completely stupid, but if she DIRECTED IT AT HER OPPONENT HIMSELF!!! Brilliant! She KNOWS Steele is the king of the "what the fuck?" quote, and, just like the tales of the little guy walking up to the biggest dude in prison on his first day and starting a fight, she took the fight right to him. And then she brilliantly said something not only completely batshit, but something completely nonsensical THAT FITS PERFECTLY INTO ONE OF STEELE'S OWN BATSHIT QUOTES!! ie "you be da man!" is seen as being from the very "hip hop" vernacular Steele had talked about in one of HIS batshit sayings from weeks earlier. And at this point, when she must intuitively know that Steele is now reeling by this line of batshit directed at him, she KNOWS the one thing that can REALLY kick this line into gold medal standing: some good 'ol racism!
If she had merely said "you da man!", it woulda been dopey and awkward, just another old person trying to sound hip or cool. That's bad enough. But throwing in "be," Mrs. Bachmann invokes an image of the black man as being devoid of syntax; the mere drop-in of that word takes us back to apes swinging in the jungle unable to speak full sentences correctly. And ta-da: STEELE IS BLACK!!! Game, set MATCH!!!! BACHMANN WINS!!!
Do not feel bad for Steele; I can almost promise you that since her taking away his gold medal he's been locked in with his writers, and before the day is over will come out with some amazing batshit saying that will have us all scratching our heads. Hey, he's still the best; he just got tripped up by an almost perfect storm of 6 words spoken by someone with the perfect mix of no brains, no shame and a burning desire to be the most mindless buffoon on the planet at any given time. Worry not, Steele will be back (dare I suggest having learned something from Madame Bachmann?)
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