Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Are You Kidding Me?


Ben Affleck has always seemed like a very likable guy, the kinda guy you could imagine hanging out with your boys no problem. And I like him on talk shows. But I don't think I'm giving away state secrets here by telling you he's the shittiest actor ever. I mean, he almost made Gigli worth watching cause you felt you were watching history. "Yes, son, I was there...I saw Gigli in the theatre..." (cue Platoon music, slow reach for glass of Scotch.)

So I have no idea how he could possibly have talked himself into basically doing a junior varsity version of Alec Baldwin's amazing Glengarry Glenross cameo in Boiler Room. I mean, that's one of the most recognizable, iconic, amazing scenes in the history of film. You'd think when the idea came up, and Affleck read the script, he'd have thought "oh, it's supposed to be just like Alec in GGGR," and realize NOBODY could pull that off, much less the worst actor ever. And then you'd think that even after he got talked into doing it, he'd see the dailies (industry talk, you fucking hicks) and see how horrible he was and insist it be cut. Knowing that it's one thing to be a shitty actor on your own, in shitty movies, but willfully putting yourself up against the very best will make you look, incredibly, even worse. But no. Unreal. It'd be like if I decided to recreate the "we're gonna need a bigger boat!" scene from Jaws...and played the shark. Wtf.




I await my laughs from Marley for the Jaws bit.

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