Super Bowl XLV

1) Popeyes damage: 5 titties, 1 leg, 1 wing.  Looked down at my plate once and thought "oh my god, did I inhale the fucking bones??!!!"  Turns out Chip, the world's fattest chiahiaua [sp.] had swiped it.  That fucker is about a biscuit away from being battered and deep-fried himself, btw.
2) Halftime MVP: Kdawggy!  Kept the kiddie dance party going the entire halftime. I crapped out after about 3  8 seconds of Kdawgy and my superslice, I Gotta Feeling.  If I'm going to lie about my time here anyway, you'd think I'd go ahead and make it more impressive.  Like my telling chicks I got an 11 inch dick. Might as well, they're not gonna see it anyway.
3) It's never, ever okay to ask a woman "Are you 40?"  If I run into this woman 20 years from now in Des Moines, she will bring this up. And she should, cause I'd still be an idiot.  And, apparently, lost.
4) I'm not jumping on the "Aaron Rodgers is the greatest athlete ever!!!" bandwagon, but he should be able to kick a few of his receivers in the balls for some of those drops.  Some of his passes were the most startlingly accurate passes I've ever seen in my life.
5) I'm bummed the Darth Vader commercial was edited down, but it was still fucking awesome.  Kid was unmasked on The Today Show this morning.  Wouldn't it be awesome if he was a bald albino that was a hundred years old?
6) Can we have a Super Bowl where 99.9% of the commercials AREN'T cars and Budweiser? Are we really not buying enough of these things?  Isn't Vince Neil doing enough drunk driving himself to have this shit covered for the year?
7) I feel like I have somehow slept on the first eight Lingerie Super Bowls, and will look to correct that next year for Lingerie Bowl IX.   Nom nom nom!!!!
8) I look forward to the 6 hours callers will spend today screaming at Mike Francesa about how A-Rod getting caught on-camera with some fugly blonde feeding him popcorn confirms he's not a "real" Yankee, and that Jeter would've gotten caught on-camera saving orphans from a burning building that warehouses popcorn.  Buttery goodness exploding all around him as he scales down the building clutching a dozen kids.
9) Didn't anyone explain to Christina Aguilera that when you're married it's okay to get fat and ugly, but right after you get divorced you're supposed to be skinny and hot as shit? Cause she's done it backwards. I think this little before and after explains it nicely.
10) If I've read the ads correctly yesterday, when it comes to movies kids want huge screens filled with as much incredibly confusing, distracting, loud shit that makes absolutely no sense as possible.  Luckily for them they'll be prepared for their first time fucking.  (Hollywood really IS raising our kids!!!)
11) One year, can't we take the money that it takes for these dreadful halftime shows, and use it to solve world hunger? For fuck's sake.