GOP Debate

8:02 - Anyone else notice that Herman Cain's 999 plan upside down is 666?  Oooooh, but OBAMA's the devil!!!

8:05 -  Charlie Rose already has his "I'd rather be talking to Anthony Bourdain" look on his face.

8:06 -  Perry says he's gonna lay out his plan over the next three days.  How long is this fucking plan?

8:08 -  NEWSFLASH: Bachmann blames everything on the Federal Government.  Are they only playing their greatest hits tonight?  Closing with I Melt with You?  Christ, fuck this.  I'd rather be watching The Big Bang theory.  Will pop back in every once in a while.  Ugh.

8:10 -  Newt says if the Occupy Wall Street people wanna accomplish something they should fire Ben Bernanke.  I guess they're not aware they have that authority.  Hmm.

8:11 - NEWSFLASH: Newt's bitching about the media!!!  It's their fault!! This IS greatest hits night!  Maybe Gallagher can come out now and smash up some watermelon!!!!

8:24 -   the two women moderators are actually challenging the candidates on their answers, which means we're gonna be hearing scorched Earth from the Right re: them hating freedom with their "gotcha" questions.  Jesus and his scrappy, lovable sidekick Baby Jesus will never watch Charlie Rose again.

 8:32 -  Why the fuck are they bothering to ask Ron Paul if he wants the federal government to run housing?  HE DOESN'T WANT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT TO RUN THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT!!!  My left nut knows this by now, and it's not even "the smart one." Christ.

8:38 -  if she has to date a nerd, why would Penny choose Leonard over Sheldon?  I know Sheldon's a social disaster, but he's very funny, a super-genius in EVERYthing not just physics and overall terribly interesting.  AND better looking!  Leonard sucks!

8:42 -  NEWSFLASH: no new taxes!  Wow!  Where'd they come up with THAT one!!!  Also: my balls wanna be scratched!  Wow!

8:42 - Newt says "it's like asking 'would you rather I shoot you in the head, or cut off your leg?' "...which is not only idiotic  but what HE SAID WORD FOR WORD AT ANOTHER DEBATE!  Cant we just play the old tapes of these motherfuckers?

8:48 - BACHMANN STOLE MY 666 LINE!!!!!

8:50 - One of Charlie's two sidekicks is smoking hot. And they're both fiesty.  They should call themselves "Charlie's Thorns."

8:50 - The more Cain says "999" it sounds like "na na na." As in "na na na, na na na, HEY HEY, goodbye."

8:54 -   there's a company called "Honeywell"? Hmm.  Just when I had settled on "dick mitten" for a euphemism for The Golden Palace of the Himalayas.  FINALLY, something from a GOP Debate worth hearing.

8:55 - Santorum has just declared war on China.  Looking my Kam Sing delivery guy in the eye is gonna be tough, and not just because it's slanted  :(

8:56 -  is Cain sponsored by the Number 9?  Who's his backer, this guy?

9:04 - okay, I admit it.  I'm in love with Penny.  I will now write my country-western song to her, How Much for Those Tittays in the Window?

"Who left the crack in the crackpipe,
Who put my shoes on the dog?
Seriously, how much for those tittays in the window?" 

9:05 -  I seriously hate my fucking clothes.  Ugh.

9:07 - Now the candidates are asking each other questions.  Do the moderators get paid during this?  Wouldn't it be great if one of the dudes, for their question, asked Michele Bachmann out on a date?

9:08 -   wouldn't it be great if someone asked Newt Gingrich "how great WERE you in A League of Their Own?"?

9:11 - and someone followed up with "How much fun was Michael J. Fox on the set of Teen Wolf?"?

9:15 -  Cain just said "you people." Racist!

9:19 -  Cain just broke his own record by going 22 words before saying "999." Wait - maybe he's just a huge Clash fan? Hey - I LOVE The Clash!

9:19 - Romney just ended Perry's presidential bid.

9:19 -    Santorum is under the impression Obama has grown the public sector, when in fact it's shrunk by about 600,000 jobs since he's taken office.  In Santorum's defense, he's an idiot who always looks like he's taking a dump, so.  I'm still baffled re: how he became a Senator in the first place; Pennsylvania should be in timeout until it understands what it's done wrong.

9:28 -   Pennsylvania just reminded me that it invented the cheesesteak.  To say I'm on my knees begging for forgiveness is an understatement.  I was, as The Fonz would say, wrr...I was wrr...I'm trying to say, I was wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...wrong.

9:30 -  This Juiliana Goldman chick is on my Nom Nom Nom! list.  (Congratulations, Julianne!)

9:31 -  Cain just said he'd appoint Alan Greenspan to run the Fed.  Great.  Let's find the oldest guy in class and try to keep him awake.

9:36 - Romney's bitching that the Dodd/Frank bill would add hundreds of thousands of pages of paper in printing out the bill and it's upkeep.  Isn't that creating jobs?

9:31 -   Good on Ron Paul for admitting the economic crisis didn't start on January 20, 2009.  I'd also like to take this moment to wish Ron Paul good luck with future projects, as his run as a Republican is now officially over (there's always Clown College!) 

9:40 -   Charlie just said "We have one more video to show." Anyone else hoping it was Chocolate Rain?

9:43 -   NEWSFLASH: no new taxes!  Wow!  Where'd they come up with THAT one!!!  Also: my balls wanna be scratched!  Wow!

 9:44 -  I hate my hair.  I mean, seriously.  So dry and brittle  :(

 9:45 -  According to Perry, poverty started on January 20, 2009. Interesting. Well, not really.

 9:46 -  Heckler from the crowdOHMYGOD IT'S BRUCE "THE BOSS" SPRINGSTEEN!!!!!!!!!!

 9:48 -  Cain said his dad worked three jobs when he was a kid. Hey, so does Erick Erickson! They should get together and share their hard luck stories!

 9:51 -  Perry wants "America" to be "America" again.  Did I miss when we became "The Autumnal Windbreakers, with Ducks!"?