Pizza, and Also My Nuts

 I'm not one to fix what ain't broken, and I'm sure as fuck not gonna start with my Chinese food. When I moved all the way across the neighborhood I held my breath and lit a candle the first time I called them to see if they delivered all the way to my street. They did. And as a huge bonus, I stumbled upon the fact that they had the best chicken nuggets in the neighborhood. Or, as they called them, Chicken McNuggets. Hmm.

Apparently I called them for a stretch completely shitfaced each time, as upon delivering my address and order one night the guy became angry and started yelling at me "you wear pants! you wear pants this time!" I guess I had been answering au natural. Oh wait, so that's how the Asians-have-a-small-penis thing started? Sorry Asians! - XMASTIME

Apparently, according to 13 Things Your Pizza Guy Won't Tell You, I wasn't that different from everybody else after all: