Today's 4 o clock News

TODAY'S NEWS

Still NOT back together with my high school girlfriend. I don’t know what the deal is either; I would think 16 years is enough for a “break.” I don’t wanna play hardball here, but she should know that I am starting to lose interest. It’s a shame she won’t ever read this, since obviously she lives in an area where they have no phones/electricity/love.

In that theme, my record player is still down. Well, I guess I just need a needle. No record player = no Ramones at 100 Metro, which sucks. And while Im always thrilled with any press they get, seeing Martin Landau talk about them on “Entourage” for some reason was creepy. Mostly because I thought he was dead. We’ll see what happens I reckon.

I’m still sitting on an amazing record I made with my phantom band that has no shows booked, hasn’t seen each other in months and probably doesn’t exist anyways, a la that Todd Snider song from the 90s. So if anyone wants to put it out themselves, just let me know. The photo-shoots will be amazing, and I believe you’ll be more than interested in my catering tray ideas. Which reminds me of something I read the other day, that after the Colonel sold KFC in the 60s, he was actually sued by KFC for libelous comments – apparently the Colonel would travel from joint to joint and rant about how much the quality had slipped, how the gravy was “sludge”, and the chicken skin was “wallpaper paste.” Wow. All I can think of is man, if that’s what he considered crap, how great must KFC have been back when the Colonel was running the show? Jesus.

Still haven’t decided whether or not I'm into Virginia from “Hell’s Kitchen" or not. Don’t know what I’m gonna do here, as the season is over. Shouldn’t I have been able to make up my mind by now? I would think someone who can cook her ass off could make up for whatever she lacks in the looks department. She's not Mrs. Garrett after all. Something bout her nose, as a certain angle, launches into Miss Piggy. Like Posh Spice.

TODAY'S WEATHER:
72 degrees, 68% humidity. Rained some earlier. Chance of showers later on.

TODAY'S SPORTS:
Yankees won last night, their lead over Boston is 2 games. Yankee fans are still trying to figure out a way to blame A-Rod for only winning by 5, look for an update before game-time this evening. While I think of it, how has A-Rod gotten off so easily on the Hezbollah stuff? He never hits in the clutch, he's got 20 errors and then gets HAMMERED every day on NY Sports radio; can we really rule him out as a suspect for wanting to kill the Jews? Fucking A-Rod. Also, Reel to Reel has successfully completed another regular season with double digits in the win column. Let’s hope we don’t do our annual swan dive in the playoffs and can actually make a run this year. I am also entertaining offers from other bars for my post-game Sundays, as the Nest has become a place to house kickballers as they line up for the bathrooms, crowding everybody in with their over-the-top ironic hipsterness. They don’t even drink, they come in 40 at a time and stand there on top of us, hogging the pissers and making me feel uncomfortable for not writing a screenplay starring Peter Dinklage. What has put me over the edge though is the jukebox. After years of having the standard juke of Stones, Bruce, CCR etc now there is an internet jukebox, which has become the stage for some nutfuck who insists on dropping his paycheck in so that we can be pummeled by, ta-da!! Death metal. What the fuck. 3 o clock on a Sunday afternoon, trying to relax and I got this shit blasting in my ears. Thanks, assholes. So now I’ve discovered one bar that has a free bbq on Sunday followed by another that has free beers, which of course means chicks actually go there. So the wheels are being greased to actually find Mrs. Wilson in the summer of 2007. Glooooooooooooooooooory be.