Caught by VH1 (Will Somebody Please Give Me a Reason to Live?)

...ohoh...I've gotten sucked into that VH1 "Greatest Songs of the 80s" marathon...shit. I just saw Nena, who did "99 Luft Balloons." How do you do a song in English, and then another version in German? How do the words rhyme in both languages? Oooh, I see now that she is "fighting as an advocate for children." What does that mean? Who is she fighting? Are there really groups actively against children? Other than Kathie Lee Gifford, I mean?

oooh, "Fight the Power"...whoever this lily-white woman narrator is, I like the way she's dripping with glee as she says the song was "about 'The Man'", as if she's on their side of this, like she was "down" with PE and the black struggle in general. "Finally, somebody GETS me and my Vassar sistahs!!!" Hmm. Maybe if you're getting paid thousands of dollars to read cue cards on MTV you ARE 'The Man.'

Oooooh....”Keep on Loving You” by REO. Who doesn’t love this slice? Camon. Tho getting an up close look at Kevin Cronin’s “a little too tight poodle mullet” reminds of why all of a sudden a lot of those bands disappeared once videos became the standard instead of radio. Christopher Cross, I’m looking at you. Well, not anymore actually, but you get my point.

Some dude just said “I slow-skated my ass off” to Foreigner’s “I Wanna Know What Love Is.” His Venezuelan waiter boyfriend is gonna choke on a dick when he looks up and sees his bf on tv saying that. Yeesh.

I just saw a headline on CNN.com “Teenage Boy Rapes His Own Mother.” Am I going to hell for instantly thinking “mmmm...wonder if she’s hot.”?

“Whip It”, Devo. Whatever.

Hmmm. Appears there is now Devo 2.0, which is a kiddie version of Devo, a la that Guns n Roses kiddie band. This seems to be the new kitsch trend, no? Maybe I’ll start the next trend, old men versions of kiddie groups. 80 year old dudes singing “MMMBop” or old reefer cats doing “Pass the Dutchie.” Sexy? Maybe. Either way, if you fuck a dead animal is it bestiality or necrophilia? Just wondrin. No reason.

I’m not even joking, write after I typed this old man line I got a recruiting email from the Army, and it mentions that I must be between the ages of 17 and 41. 41???!!! No wonder we can’t win this fucking war. Nothing against older guys, but it probably is hard to win a war if half the troops gotta piss every 5 minutes. And the time taken up by prostate exams alone must be adding years onto this fucking war.

Oooh, “Mr. Roboto”!! Secret secret, I’ve got a secret!!! (actually, no you don’t...the word is out: you suck, and your perm is NOT helping out your “straight case.”)

Crap, its over for now.....I’ll hafta be on the lookout for the next 60 “classics” when they show it.

PS – spellcheck just informed me that the spelling of the word for “Sexual relations between a human and an animal“ is NOT what you would naturally think it is, B-E-A-S-T-I-A-L-I-T-Y, as in okay, makes sense to start it with the word “beast” but is in fact B-E-S-T-I-A-L-I-T-Y. Is this weird? To me, seems like someone consciously changed what would be the natural spelling so that the first 4 words spell out the word “best.” I guess it’s nice to see that whoever came up with the word for the act is also a big fan of it.