Thanks for OJ!

Before I get into my post, which is about Thanksgiving, I just wanted to drop in my 2 cents about OJ’s book and interview nonsense. This indeed was one of the creepiest things to come down the pike in a while…”no, I didn’t do it, but if I had, here’s what I would have done…” Obviously like everyone else I’m happy they decided to drop this whole thing, and ashamed to be part of the human race that it was even possible in the first place. So that’s that, OJ please shut up and go away.

When I was a kid, Thanksgiving was a bigger deal in my house than any other holiday, even Christmas. I don’t really know why, but my brother and I took to this one with extreme force. Maybe cause by the time we were 10 or so Christmas kinda blew toys-wise cause it was all about our little sister and brother. Maybe cause Thanksgiving dinner was like a Major League version of the Sunday dinners we always loved, I don’t know. But it became, over the years, the one….hold on. I just got word of something weird….

Oh, goody.

(Associated Press) “OJ Simpson has professed an interest in explaining how he might have kidnapped and killed Jon Benet Ramsey. ‘Hey, I’m not saying I DID it, but if I was gonna? Why not – did you see her prancing around in those little outfits, smooth satin bathing suits pressing against her young, tender butt? I would slip in as a judge, invite her backstage for some ice cream, then take her to my basement….as for killing her, let’s say, well let’s say she was showing no respect for The Juice, was not interested in my Heisman Trophy or that I can do 500 pushups; let’s say for a moment that she didn’t appreciate the Juice taking her over his knee, you know what I mean? I’m The Juice, dammit!!! If that little white bitch isn’t gonna do what the Juice tells her to do, maybe I get angry, maybe I get REAL angry, maybe after me and AC are done I get pissed at her nonstop crying and decide to, you know, snap her neck and bury her in the yard, know what I mean?....hey, of course I didn’t do it, but IF I did, that’s how I would….stupid little bitch….’ Fox News has reported that they will not show the interview on television due to public uproar.

ANYways. Hell, one year as kids I got sick with the flu about 2 weeks before Thanksgiving, had it real bad. With incredible vision for an 11-year old, my brother decided that I had to make him sick as quickly as possible so that he would have recovered by Thanksgiving, and therein would be able to stuff his face with turket et al. We did the ol’ breathe in my face trick, and it worked …. Oh oh, just got another email…what the fuck?

(Associated Press) “OJ Simpson, in a letter to Fox boss Rupert Murdoch, has outlined how he would have killed Martin Luther King: ‘…of course I DID NOT do it. But let’s say, let’s say you happen to be a very popular black man in America at the time, maybe, oh, I don’t know, maybe you were about to win the Heisman Trophy….if I was in that position, I might be getting tired of being overshadowed by another black man, know what I mean? How the fuck can this dude think he’s the HNIC – I’m The Juice, dammit!! So I might make friends with some old, white redneck dude, maybe cause white folks love The Juice you know, place him near MLK at that hotel, then from across the street BLAM!!!!!...looks like The Juice is back to being an important black man, know what I’m saying??!?!...anyways, that’s what I’d do…IF I did it…” Mr. Murdoch has not commented on the letter.

Jesus. Sorry, but I had to pass that one along. Anyways so yeah, for some reason my brother loved the Macy’s Parade too, so that was a big deal. The one thing that sucked about the day was our Dad would pull out our “classy” silverware, the fancy stuff hidden away and we’d have to polish it all morning. And, just like whenever we’d paint a room, no matter how great we did the first coat, we’d always have to do two. I remember how we…oh, man. I’m so sorry, but this just popped up –

LONDON DAILY MAIL: ...American football star OJ Simpson has called the London Mail editors with a story claiming that, although of course he did NOT do it, he would like to say how he WOULD HAVE killed Princess Diana: “...Hey, of course I didn’t do it, I mean, who in their right mind would kill a real princess? Even if she had been snotty to me when I hit on her at the premiere of “The Naked Gun”...and for what, to sleep with that big-eared cake-boy? Prince who? I’m the Juice, dammit!!!! I played REAL football bitch!! Yeah, I could’ve made things real difficult for her, could’ve loaded me and AC into my Bronco and just flat out drove her off the road, you know? Hell, get into a group of those paparazzi nazi freaks, they’ll never know! Course, I’d feel bad for those boys, but fuck ‘em, they’re rich and white, just like me....”

What the fuck...chirst. I had a nice, sappy Thanksgiving story to tell, but now I’m a little freaked out...what kind of world do we live in? Dispicable. Hold on, someone’s knocking at my door...hey, it’s OJ! Juice, what’s up buddy! How’re you? Me? Yeah, I was writing something bout you, just riffing buddy, you know, having a laugh...what’s that in your hand buddy? Hold on, what are youasbcusgbasdc jdjdsj cbuiweuweb buiwbuipwbuipeeeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbbbbbbbbuwhi[wweiowecfioehwiofweuicfoeiwoufuiofbuiocebwcf923489234893y34y9342378 789789(^ujhjg&*(uihjjobjbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbu{oJWEUhehbNNNNNNNNNNBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB