Tuesday, December 12, 2006

The Fall of the American Empire

Forget Xmastime's kvetching and his "attitude" cribbed from that freakishly large headed Bill Maher.

We got real problems.

For example, Cup Stacking.



"Hey, let's come up with a 'competitive sport' that a) can allow Rain Man morons to win and b) provide no other benefit, like teamwork, intelligence, strategy or exercise."

This is what passes for competition in a nation that cannot have their young people keep score of a soccer match for fear of wounding their self-esteem. We cannot have murder ball lest fatty Noah be struck unfairly by a whizzing rubber orb. And I'm supposed to lament losing some of these fools in Iraq?

Never has a populace had youth with such undeservedly high self-regard. Indeed, Jedediah and Kyle, you are retarded, overly fed and infused with an ADD derived from your Game Cube, but at least you can stack cups. So, be confident! Go forth! Live on Mom's couch until you are 38 and you finally realize that cup stacking is not the wave of the future.

From this crowd, we will have to find centurions?

The Revenge of the Nerds is upon us, and we have more than the talentless, horse-faced Robert Carradine to fear. A committee of dorks now controls the levers of school. We cannot jump rope. We cannot compete. We cannot allow Kincaid to lose.

So, we train the future to stack plastic cups.

"Nice work, Flower."

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

My recommendation is that *you* become a centurion. I'd pay to see you facing lions in the Coliseum.

--Flower

Anonymous said...

I like the stand in Xmastime- at least he bothers to post regularly & he's kinda funny. Nice to have somethin' to read with my little afterwork Bud. (By Bud, I mean beer, not friend or future flower.)

Anonymous said...

hmmm. it's almost as if you could grow up kind of a drunken, frat-boy idiot with ZERO qualification/skills yet end up as the single most powerful man in the world. hmm. but THATS not possible, right? i mean, AMERICA rewards only on merit, right? gee.

Anonymous said...

If I face the lions, they will cower at my cup stacking abilities.

Anonymous said...

Only in the midwest.

Anonymous said...

Obama was in a fraternity?