I love how now they list Bush’s vacation as a "working vacation." Isn’t that pathetic? He’s such a fucking loser, no-count president that he has to insist "seriously guys, I’m gonna be working! Camon, I mean it! I’ll keep the fax turned on, I swear!!" cause he knows we’re all rolling our eyes at what a fucking goof-off he is. Christ. Wonder what The Decider will come up during this Brush Clearing Season. Hey, maybe as he’s clearing brush and "mulling things over", he can get another visit from God, like when God told him to invade Iraq?
GOD: Hey, uh…George, it’s me.
W: Whoa! The brush is talking to me!! It's a Christmas Rapture Miracle!! I KNEW the Jews were wrong!! Hello, Brush!!
GOD: George it’s me. God. In heaven.
W: Mr. Reagan? Oh my gosh, it’s you! Why, I-
GOD: It’s me, dumbass!! God!! G-O-D!!
W: oooohh, yeah. Hey!
GOD: Listen, could you stop running around saying that I told you to invade the Middle East? You’re embarrassing me.
W: But…but you did!! You said "G-Rock, you need to invade Iraq and spread democracy throughout the Middle East!" By the way, G-Rock is the nickname you gave me. Hey, did you know our names both start with the letter "G"? wow!
GOD: Okay, first of all, I never gave you a nickname. Period.
W: Sure you did. G-rock!
GOD: No. I didn’t. You know how I know this?
W: Did…did God tell you?
GOD: Because I’ve never spoken to you!!
W: Sure you did. I was clearing a bunch of brush and you spoke to me. And you said that I was doing the work of Jesus, and he’d come back and join our fight against the gays. And New Yorkers.
GOD: Why on earth would I tell you to invade the region that includes the Holy Land, and then turn it into a democracy like yours, a government which was built upon the very idea of not including, you know, ME? Why would I recommend that, of all things?
W: Just like the Bible said, and I quote: "Were I whence I be, when I whence to came, glory to all upon where were I whence."
GOD: And do you really think Jesus, if I did send him back, would hang out with YOU guys?
W: I had Dick make some bumper stickers: "Jesus Loves Me – Just ask Him, He’s Right Here!"
GOD: You didn’t notice that in the Bible, Jesus tended to hang out with the poor, the diseased, the outcasts?
W: Well, in the beginning, sure. I just assumed that buy the end, he was rich and cool, running things, right? I mean, look who HIS dad is!
GOD: You…didn’t read the whole thing?
W: Dude.
GOD: Riiiight…listen, anyways, like I said. Please stop telling people I’m behind this mess, okay?
W: Can I tell people you came up with the Dubai Port deal?
GOD: You’re not a smart man, George.
W: No. No I’m not
GOD: But you do keep things interesting.
W: Hey, can you tell which one is Mary-Kate and which one is Ashley?
GOD: Goodbye, George
W: You mean "G-Rock"!
GOD: And quit praying for "Weekend at Bernies III." Ain’t gonna happen.
W: G-Rock!
GOD: Bye
9 comments:
It is better NOT to blog than to blog subpar shit that wouldn't even elicit a chuckle from Whoopie Goldberg (circa "Burglar").
(and it is "no account," not "no count" which normally wouldn't matter but carries a certain ironic sting in a missive about someone you presume to be stupid)
You better regroup, Xmastime.
Or, to quote Charlton Heston in "Midway" -- "You better shape up, Tiger or some hotshot Jap pilot's gonna flame your ass."
Easy on the X, you meany.
http://xmasresistance.blogspot.com/
If it's any constipation, I floggin like your drunken bloggin, but dig you way better in person.
Happy New Years and don't forget to get your 4th of July invites out earlier this year. Get that Entourage guy out here....
Ya just can't beat the book of Revelation, for an awesome view of what God/Jesus actually thinks of corruption within His own church/body...
Now quit with your Revelations and get busy on your Resolutions. Much to do in the way of takin care of the poor and down trodden, no?
You baby the X, and what happens? He coasts on Rosie O'Donnell pablum ("Bush is stoopid!") and Larry King treacle ("I remember Jim McGaffigan, best jump shooter ever, well, his legs were taken from him in a threshing accident and now, they took his points total away because, well, he couldn't receive the award because the ceremony was not wheelchair accessible").
I used to laugh when I read this blog. Back when "Men Without Hats" had number one hit.
And yes, I meant to write "number one hit" and not "a number one hit" because I'm Chinese.
Pablum & Treacle! dyin
They're no "Hardcastle and McCormick" but they'll do
I hope naked xmastime went well. And a Happy Naked New Year to Xmastime!
Apologies. It wasn't Naked Xmastime, it was Naked Week. Either way, I hope it was a smashing success.
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