Orange County Ladies

My girls are back for Season 2! And by "My girls" I mean "middle-aged horse-leather skinned botoxed over-tittied rich bitches." Awesome. Thought I'd whip up a small quiz for you peeps who caught the premiere Tuesday Night.


1) Why did Kimberly move away to Chicago?

a. Her husband got transferred
b. To take care of her mother
c. To go to school
d. Her huge, fake titties got drafted by the Bears

2) Michael Jordan is to basketball as Vicki's kid Michael is to ________

a) college
b) piano
c) golf
d) retardation

3) Why is Slade so jealous of Jo in this episode?

a) She's been invited to a party at the Playboy Mansion
b) She'e been invited to a party at the Playboy Mansion and spent 3 hours picking out her sluttiest lingerie to wear there.
c) She'e been invited to a party at the Playboy Mansion and spent 3 hours picking out her sluttiest lingerie to wear there, and then made it clear to Slade that he is NOT to come to the party.
d) She's a fucking whore.

4) Jo thinks Slade is being an over-dramatic, jealous jerk because of her new friend Shane (Laurie's son). He needs to stop acting like a jerk and realize they're just friends. If you saw the program, you could clearly see that the one word to describe Jo and Shane's relationship would be that they're:

a) Fucking
b) Fucking
c) Fucking
d) Fucking

5) Why didn't Laurie answer Slade's phone call after Jo left for the Playboy mansion?

a) Out of respect for her friend Jo
b) She was busy working
c) She's apprehensive due to their dating briefly while Jo and Slade were broken up this summer
d) She doesn't know how a phone works. "Fire alarm? AGAIN??!!"

6) What phrase did Laurie use to describe the many, many ways her life has changed since last season?

a) "A lot"
b) "A ton"
c) "Remarkably"
d) "360 degrees". Hmmmm.

7) Seriously, how gay is Shane?

a) No way! He's a baseball player for chrissakes!!
b) Please. 2 earrings does not make someone gay. Give it up.
c) He's a bit metro.
d) According to his boyfriend, pretty fucking gay.

8) Has Jeana's weight become an issue?

a) No.
b) Maybe.
c) It's not good.
d) Aren’t they missing a dog from last season?

9) What does Laurie’s son Josh say he has to do to get back into school?

a) Pass an entrance exam
b) Get a letter from his juvenile hall director
c) Go in front of a panel
d) Knock his mother out with anesthesia, get a football pump, insert into her oversized jugs, pump those fuckers up til they’re about to burst, invite school officials over to grope for about an hour before deflating.

10) Which mother/daughter team would Xmastime like to bed down with?

a) Laurie/whatever her girl’s name is
b) Vicki/whatever her girl’s name is
c) The new girl/her 20-year old
d) Was gonna make a joke re: my high school girlfriend and her 2-day old daughter, even grossed myself out. Thud.