Just Another Sunday Night.

So. I’m sure you people could guess by now how this night went. Total, unmitigated drunken disaster. Surprise! Anyways. Throughout the last few years, this same girl (we’ll call her, oh, let’s say “Adele”) has forwarded me emails from an old friend of hers. Dude spent the last 10 years in love with her, big unrequited crush etc. He’d send her these ridiculous weird emails, then when she was slow to respond, she’d get a string of the ol’ “now I’m angry and spurning you!!!” emails, then silence for a month or two, then another round would begin. She’d forward them to me and we’d laugh, cause dude is a bit of a nut job. Dungeons and Dragons playing nut job in fact. And is into something called “Wicca”, which I found out is kinda like witchcraft. Hmm. Hope he don't see this and put a spell on me. Whatever. So we’d laugh at his ridiculous emails. He’s been writing some movie the whole time, and of course he’d usually lead off with a vague “some really BIG names are interested” etc etc. Hey, we’ve all done that to impress the chickadees. So the other night she forwards me this email he sent her:

hey Adele, i am about to start shooting my feature (at last), got a lot of people excited about doin it, and i was explaining to them the concept i have for doing a trilogy--i have the scripts finished for macabre2 and 3 already,---and i realized i never shared with you the origin of the script for macabre3.

a few years ago, think it was 2003, i had finished macabre2 which ends on a cliffhanger. it took me 2 years to write it, and 33 re-writes, but it was finally done (my bro and i were at the time waiting for that producer to find us a studio). i hate cliffhangers so i decided to start work on macabre3 right away, but i found myself unable to do so. i was stuck! writers' block stopped me dead in my tracks!--for months i was unable to write anything, i couldnt even start. no idea i came up with was any good at all. I had all but given up.

then, in september of 2003 i had a dream that i went to see you in NY. the dream was so powerful and so dramatic that it forms the central storyline for macabre3. i never told you about the dream because at the time we weren't friends or something (we were temporarily not speaking lol), and later on it was too embarrassing to bring up. i didnt wanna just say" hey, i know we havent talked in a while, but i had this amazing dream"

ok so here it is: in the dream I went to NY to see you, but New York was in a desert and looked like a vast iron fortress of pure evil. i saw lines of people walking into the city but they all looked like zombies, and i realized i was walking into hell. when i entered the city i pulled a cloak around me so no one noticed i was a regular human, and i spent a long time looking for your apartment, which turned out to be in the underground part of the city.

when i finally found you, your apartment was HUGE, i mean HUGE! it had 2 floors and was filled with artwork, statues and so forth. but you were so pale and seemed tired. in the dream you told me you were happy there, and you were married, but when i found out who you were married to it was terrifying! you were married to a dragon! and there was a tremor, a large growl shook the earth and you looked scared and said "hes coming". so, i took your hand and we ran to a carriage drawn by 6 horses. we rode off toward the tunnel leading to the surface and this giant white dragon chased us, breathing ice instead of fire. we chraged up the tunnel, the horses running faster but the dragons jaws kept closing in. and just before the jaws came down on us, we escaped the tunnel!

--the dream ended. i woke up in a state of excitement! i said "YES! Thats my storyline!" and so i went on to write MACBRE TALES 3-"BLOODLETTING", a three-hour movie script in just 6 weeks and NO re-writes. I did it in one draft, and its the most amazing story i have ever written, and I owe it to my friendship with you.

If I had never met you, had never been friends with you, never had any dreams with you in them, I would never have had that dream that gave me that amazing story. But i hope you can see why I was uncomfortable bringing it up. I didnt want to imply it had any special meaning, you know besides being really dramatic.--but it was an exciting dream, and i know it'll knock people out of their seats when they see it!

so, i wanted to say thank you. maybe sharing the dream is the best way to say that.

hope all is well
:)

Doug (name changed to protect the other 40 year old D&D guys)

So our guy Xmas gets this the other night. Hmm. I think to myself. Maybe it's time I write this guy, tell him to quit writing her etc. Hey, I decide, I'm doing this dude a favor. No, I've never met him in my life, or written to him; as far as I know he doesnt know I exist, but seems like this is a good time to meet. Just a feeling. Oh, and by the way I was on about my 716th beer of the night. So MAYbe I didn't think it through as well as, say, a loaf of bread might have. Yet I craft:

hey doug-

stop writing Adele your plays; she doesn't care. You're a joke to her; so stop writing. Yeah, I used to fuck her...oh, is that too harsh?...yeah well well lotta dudes fucked her, she loved a lotta dudes and they all fucked her, she's not your little play-do. she's a girl right now that is laughing At you, so stop fucking writing. i know you think that all of a sudden she'll wanna fuck you, but guess what? the answer is NO. so please stop writing. is a joke, and as she reads your email she's probably blowing some dude, so grow up, stop writing stupid shit abuot witches, and hey...good luck.

ps - y9ure

Hmm. I'm particularly intrigued by my postscript...knowing me, I surely meant to type "you're welcome." and hey, I wished the dude good luck! camon!! Im a good guy!!!

Oh, and "Doug" was nice enough to reply to me:

hahahaha..dude, you are a big loser if you think I want to be involved with her. shes my friend and that is it. and if she doesnt really care for my writing well, i suppose shes a big coward for not telling me herself and putting you up to do it, and you are an even bigger moron for doing it. so go fuck yourself

Tough guy! I like it!! I do like how he not only responds to me like an idiot, but explains his relationship with Adele. Thats normal.

Ah well. So if my performance from a few weeks ago did not permamntly put this relationship into the dustbin, surely this did. Hey baby, it's been real! It's been fun! But I can't say it's been real fun....except that time we woke up in Oxford...yes, that was piss.