I think my single greatest fear in this life is being in love with a woman who is dating a douchebag. So I go up to the douchebag to kick his ass and win my girl, but it backfires when HE beats MY ass in front of her, and I look up and they're both laughing their heads off at what a pussy I am. "I'm horny now" she'd say to him "let's go fuck!" while I lay there hoping that's beer on the front of my pants. Unlike the movies, where she'd cradle my head and realize she's in love with me while he just waves her off in disgust to go drink longnecks with his rowdy buddies, destined to marry the local fat slut-about-town while she and I go to the big city and take over The New Yorker.
Well, and snakes. Terrified. WHICH MEANS it's only a matter of time before some shit-for-brains friend of mine reads this and pulls out a black snake to scare me, thinking it's funny because his tiny, unformed pea brain can only surmise "I'M not scared of snakes, how can HE be? hahahahaah!!!" Fucking hell.
3 comments:
you really could kick is ass though.
'an the bloke is scared more of you.
Have you ever looked at photographs of the progression of a human limb bitten by a snake? Don't. For starters, a surgeon will slit your skin all the way down to the meat to relieve the pressure from the swelling. It's freakin' insane. You are wise to fear them.
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