Flipping through the cable guide this morning I land on the description for this morning's "Saved by the Bell." Get this one: "Zack and Slater are at odds over girl." Hmm. REALLY? Wow, I know that one! gee. How bout “Scooby and the gang discover the ghost in the haunted house is the owner who is scaring away people from buying it”? Or for Dawson’s Creek: “One of the girls in the show gets swept up into a college band, and within hours are playing to 1000 people packed into a bar enthusiastically losing their minds over a shitty band playing nothing but early 80’s covers.” Hmm.
The college years, of course....and I might have seen the single lamest scene of all time. EDDIE, who is setting up nicely as Joey’s cranky, “leave-me-alone, you ridiculously hot girl!” love interest is the star of stars in her Lit Class, dazzling everybody/answering every deep, deep question despite the fact that he....isn’t actually enrolled in college. Just shows up in class, “during lunch hour a the bar.” Upon being confronted by Joey, his answer to why he has read and comprehended every single book ever published on Earth by the age of 19? “It keeps me from walking out into the streets.”
Ugh.
I also love how here these kids are, college freshmen, and any grade they get below A++ they storm into the prof’s office, accosting him/her re: the absurdity of the low grade until the prof capitulates that yes, Jack got a B cause he’s gay, Jen cause she’s an ex-whore (the worst kind of the New England whores) and Pacey cause he was in “Mighty Ducks XIV.” Is this entirely realistic? When I was in school, much less a freshman, I could’ve gotten a paper back that said “F-, and I Fucked Your Mom” and I would’ve just tried to slide outta class unnoticed. Hell, I even hated it when the professor would approach you offering a chance for redemption...take the weekend, rewrite the paper, improve on the C. Really? Do I have to? Can’t I...take the C? And you’ve gotta act so grateful, so thrilled “oh yes! Oh, that’d be great yeah, now I can take this weekend and REALLY dig in to The Death of Ivan Illyich. Thank you!!! I was gonna waste the next 2 days drinking warm keg beer off of strange girls’ necks while being a young stud fuck-king with my whole life ahead of me and nothing but hope and opportunity; this is so much better! Thank you!!” grrrr.
Anyways. I gotta get back, this “Three’s Company” is the one where “Jack and the girls have a misunderstanding with Mr. Roper; Chrissy grows a testicle in her mouth.” AGAIN.
3 comments:
Wow. I think I'm going to have to re-evaluate all those "second chances" I give my students to rewrite their composition papers. I didn't realize that I was taking away from their drinking and partying (which may be useful skills for them to know later in life) If only I had known. Thanks for the heads up.
I had to comment to this post. I read here pretty often, so I know about your ketchup as a dealbreaker notions. I think ketchup has its place, but when a man knows how to cook and goes to the trouble to prepare the
"best fried chicken, just above room temperature cuddling next to a small mountain of mashed potatoes"
well, then, you don't dip, smother or allow the ketchup anywhere near said chicken or mashed potatoes. There are rules about such things and they need to followed
I commented on the wrong damn post.
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