You Can't Bullshit a Bullshitter, Especially if He's as Handsome as Me

I went to bed last night with a squirrel. Wait, that’s a different post. I went to bed last night steaming about this article. Basically John Edwards asked Obama to join him in not accepting money from federal lobbyists. A noble, if a bit grandstanding of a request. I’m kinda grazing the article, thinking well if Obama agrees that’s great, but thinking it’s prolly not realistic. Or that he'll tell Edwards to go eff himself and worry about his own campaign. Fair enuff. But then Obama’s spokesperson comes out with this gem:

Obama campaign spokesman Bill Burton quickly responded, saying in a statement that it is not enough to refuse lobbyist money. Instead, “we have to curb their influence,” he said.

This, to me, is both a patronizing and stupid answer. Burton seems to be saying that the problem is SO monumental and the solution SO lofty that, you know, it’s not even worth their time or effort to fool around with not accepting the money in the first place. We should skip the first step and wait around for the vague, nebulous one of “curbing their influence.” Which is, in a word, bullshit. So obviously they wanna keep on taking money. Hey, Obama can do what he wants – let’s face it, campaign finance is a bigger problem than him, the system we’ve set up makes it impossible to go crazy on a candidate who feels the need to grab whatever dollars he can get from anybody. But I did go to bed thinking at least Obama would bawl out this dude for making him look so stupid with such a crass yet worthless answer.

But then this morning I get up and read this article, with the money quote that Obama

acknowledged Thursday that he swims in "the same muddy water" that corrupts Washington, but he pledged to reform the system if elected president.

Now, like I just said, I don’t wanna turn this into an Edwards v. Obama thing over campaign finance. Cause it’s a bit absurd. But this quote drives me bananas. Again: insulting and stupid. Obama is trying to tell us that he’s accepting all this money from these people so that he can become President so that he can then….get rid of these people and their influence. Hmm. As Reggie Jackson says in “The Bronx is Burning”, I was born at night but I wasn’t born last night. Accepting enough money from these people means they’re gonna expect something once you’re in the Oval Office. Obviously. Now, as a candidate you can say a lot of things to voters, make a lot of promises about this and that and Wednesday is free tacos all over the country. Pretty much 4 days after you take office, the majority of the people completely forget what you have said or promised them and they get back to living their own lives. But you know the one group of people who DON’T forget? Ta-da!!!...lobbyists. Obama’s really feeding this horseshit to us?

In one day we have both Obama and a high-ranking spokesman each saying stupid, insulting things. Camon. As Vince Vaughn says in every movie he's ever been in no matter how much fatter he gets, you're better than that.

ON A SIDE NOTE: campaign finance is a joke and desperately needs to be reformed. Surprise. When I run for the office, I won't accept any money from lobbyists simply cause I'd rather lose than hafta spend the next four years spending every minute of the day returning favors to these mfs. How can I push my plan to get rid of ketchup if I'm in meetings with the NRA all fucking day? I'm just above lazy enough to get the shit done that I WANNA get done; I certainly don't have the work ethic to do shit I don't care about. These fucks today decide they wanna be President and then work backwards from there: what do I have to say or believe in to win? Then when they get in, their calander is so chock full of paybacks they can't even choose their own gonzo porn. No thanks.