Camon, Porn Directors!!

One thing that drives me bananas about porn is the long scenes of a dude eating a girl out. Camon. Let’s assume that 90% of porn viewers are dudes. And while most dudes are like me and actually enjoy performing the act for real, it’s not really thrilling to watch on tv. Okay, you think, it’s a nice way for an “actress” to show off her fake O chops by squealing away the whole time. Okay. But you really get two shots to look at if you’re watching on your couch. One is the view where you see everything – woman laid out with a dude’s head between her legs. But you can’t REALLY see anything sexual, just the back of the dude’s head as he’s lapping away. Wonderful. Could be a country ham he's gnawing away at, what do I know. OR you get the extreme closeup. Now you’re in there, her twat filling up the whole screen with a dude’s tongue as big as a necktie. This sucks also. Like trying to read a book that’s glued to the inside of your eyelid.

But I guess throwing some cunnilingus in there is for the ladies, and I guess it’s supposed to simulate real “lovemaking” as much as possible. Fair enough I reckon. But do these dull things hafta go on for so long? Just outta curiosity I timed one scene the other day. 12 minutes. TWELVE MINUTES OF PUSSY LICKING?!?!!?!?! I’m sorry Cousteau but if you’re down there that long you MIGHT be doing something wrong. The only thing I do for 12 minutes with a woman in bed is scramble round the room looking for tip money, for fucks sake.